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General Parenting
Once again, bio Dad derails difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 57008" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Mat has to blame someone because otherwise he has to blame himself. it's what kids do at this age - they take it on themselves. Not good. Now his dad has handed him the perfect explanation - blame mummy. </p><p></p><p>The guy is a loser and is also damaging to Mat. Not only is his unreliability sending Mat a bad message in the appropriate way to treat people (you don't want Mat modelling his father's behaviour as an adult, do you?) but this is disrupting everything positive you're trying to do.</p><p></p><p>The absent parent is often the romantic ideal. Especially for a younger child and especially when they lie about why they're never around, it's hard for the remaining parent to have to deal with the emotional fallout.</p><p></p><p>Mat is blaming you anyway, thanks to his dear father. What do you have to lose?</p><p></p><p>I also agree with the others - Mat needs to be in counselling. He will be more likely to accept from a counsellor than you, that HIS FATHER is responsible for his own actions and that blaming you is wrong. otherwise mat is going to grow up with the belief that you can do what you want as long as you can find someone else to blame; that you can abdicate your responsibilities; that fathers don't have to be around to be loved.</p><p></p><p>Dob the so-and-so in. I'd also make enquiries about getting this bloke's access cut off or controlled, so you don't have to deal with the damage. This child is being damaged by this behaviour and the bloke has to learn he can't do this to a child, without consequences. I don't think you've successfully consequenced this bloke (probably nobody has).</p><p></p><p>The worst that will happen is that Mat will blame you. But he's doing that already.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 57008, member: 1991"] Mat has to blame someone because otherwise he has to blame himself. it's what kids do at this age - they take it on themselves. Not good. Now his dad has handed him the perfect explanation - blame mummy. The guy is a loser and is also damaging to Mat. Not only is his unreliability sending Mat a bad message in the appropriate way to treat people (you don't want Mat modelling his father's behaviour as an adult, do you?) but this is disrupting everything positive you're trying to do. The absent parent is often the romantic ideal. Especially for a younger child and especially when they lie about why they're never around, it's hard for the remaining parent to have to deal with the emotional fallout. Mat is blaming you anyway, thanks to his dear father. What do you have to lose? I also agree with the others - Mat needs to be in counselling. He will be more likely to accept from a counsellor than you, that HIS FATHER is responsible for his own actions and that blaming you is wrong. otherwise mat is going to grow up with the belief that you can do what you want as long as you can find someone else to blame; that you can abdicate your responsibilities; that fathers don't have to be around to be loved. Dob the so-and-so in. I'd also make enquiries about getting this bloke's access cut off or controlled, so you don't have to deal with the damage. This child is being damaged by this behaviour and the bloke has to learn he can't do this to a child, without consequences. I don't think you've successfully consequenced this bloke (probably nobody has). The worst that will happen is that Mat will blame you. But he's doing that already. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Once again, bio Dad derails difficult child
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