One day at a time...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JKF, Mar 13, 2013.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Sometimes that's easier said than done but I'm trying. I've tried to keep myself calm today and I'm actually doing somewhat ok. I reached out to a homeless outreach group for mentally ill people today so I hope to hear back from them soon in regards to difficult child.

    When he called earlier he was a bit surly but I firmly told him he needs to stop with the attitude bc I'm trying to help him. I told him this was his decision and it's his situation and he needs to chill while I try to help. I also told him to get out there and try to get himself some help as well. There is a community soup kitchen that offers help and has outreach advocates so he needs to go there. He didn't feel like going today he said. Uggggh! He did say he put in two job apps so I guess that's something.

    So I'm trying to stay calm and not let this take over my life again. One day at a time.
  2. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Good for you! Try and spend at least a half hour a day on just yourself. Doing something that gives you pleasure. It can not be all about your difficult child. It is tooo draining to live that way. -RM
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    just sending hugs and support......Dee
  4. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Sending u Hugs. Rabbit
  5. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Hugs to you. They are so draining, please try to take time for YOU each day.
  6. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Sending you hugs and support. Hope things settle soon.
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thinking of you and sending you big hugs............make sure you focus on YOU too...........
  8. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I'm trying to focus on me but it's hard. I literally forced myself to snap out of my worry before but it was hard. I did find two more places difficult child can go during the day since the shelter he's in at night makes him leave at 7 and he can't return until 4. So I found a day shelter and a community soup kitchen. That makes me feel a little better. I just hope he doesn't burn bridges at either place bc he's running out of bridges.

    OMG - someone slap me! This is making me dizzy and I don't want to get on this ride again.

    So you know what? You're ALL right. I need to do something for ME now. easy child/difficult child and husband are in bed and I've obsessively researched all options for difficult child so I'm going to lay here and read. All alone. In silence. My favorite part of the day! Lol
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    :sissyfight: closest I could come to a slap...and what do you do?? hit me back, lol.

    Would rather just give you a real hug and flowers.....
  10. nerfherder

    nerfherder Active Member


    I just finished re-reading Hesse's "Siddhartha" and you know what? I found a section near the end that refers specifically to detaching from a rebellious child. :)

    It's a really peaceful read, did me good to go there again. And even better, you can download it free from!
  11. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You did good! Just keep expanding that focus on yourself, little by little, you won't get on that ride again, that ride is over! (((HUGS)))
  12. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I talked to difficult child this morning. He seemed in better spirits than yesterday. He said he was going to check out some of the places I suggested yesterday. He said he has an interview at Burger King at 1 pm. He also wants to try to apply for SSDI which he really needs to do. That's going to be a long process and I think there are advocates through the Mental Health Dept to help him with that so I told him to ask around and find out today. He'll definitely qualify for the SSDI but he needs to apply ASAP.

    He said he had the urge to steal yesterday but he stopped himself. That's good that he recognized the urge and also was able to stop himself from doing it but I fear that unless he gets on medications he won't be able to stop himself for long. That's part of his mania with the bipolar. Some people go on shopping binges - difficult child goes on stealing binges bc he has no $ to shop.

    Soooooo, I'm going to keep trying to reach out to people today and I think he's going to do the same. I'm hoping that he can get some help soon. We live in one of the most affluent counties in our state so there are a plethora of services available. It's just finding the right ones and actually going to apply for them. Sometimes difficult child will say he applied for something but he really didn't because he didn't feel like it. He has problems with sitting still and filling out paperwork and noise and length of appts, etc. So it's hard. Really really hard.

    But you know what? I'm ok. I'm freaked out, yes, but I've been through this before with him. He was just in a different state. This is not a NEW situation. It's the same situation in a new area. So as long as I keep calm and remain strong I think it will be ok. Please remind me of that when I start to panic or freak out at a later time bc I know I will.
  13. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    JKF, I think in the difficult child world, you're having a really good day. You know the landscape now, you're pretty comfortable in it, you know your boundaries and you know how to take care of yourself in the midst of all of it. Keep those moments, like last night in your quiet space with your book, as a main focus and I believe over time, as you've seen, it gets better and better. As always I think you're doing a great job and we're here for you........HUGS....
  14. Winnielg

    Winnielg New Member

    JKF - regarding the obsessive research. Been there done that, everyday I feel like! He is so lucky to have you. Can you even imagine where he would be right now without your research, help and support? I keep telling myself that as well - especially at 2AM when I am reading yet another link to another potential social service site that G might qualify for in the future. Trying to line all the ducks in a row is exhausting. Even more so if he does not take you up on your 'finds'. Hang in there. Recoveringenabler is right - today is definitely a good day, or at least a better one than yesterday, in difficult child land.
  15. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Buddy! hahaha Just saw your comment with the slapping icon. Totally cracking up!!! And flowers and a hug would be more than nice but sometimes I think I need a good slap to snap me out of my funk! haha

    Nerf - thanks for the suggestion! I'll check that book out. Reading is one of my favorite pastimes and it always helps me relax!

    RE - Thank you! You are 100% right. It takes time but it does and will get better and you KNOW, as always, I appreciate your support and encouragement!

    Winnie - Thanks! Sometimes I feel like it's a waste of time, but other times, when he actually listens and takes the help I offer it's so worth it!!

    So I think I have good news. Scared to "say" it out loud but I think we're on the right track. Just before I spoke with the Homeless Outreach director at the Mental Health Association in our county. I called twice - once yesterday and once today and also emailed- and as annoying as I am she was soooo nice! She understands the situation and sent one of her workers out to meet difficult child at the soup kitchen today at 12:30. I was actually able to reach him on the phone and tell him bc he listened to me earlier and went to the day shelter and was there when I called. I hope they can help him. I really think they can because they said their first step will be to get him off the streets and into a safe shelter and then on medications. They also gave me info about support groups in our area for families of people with mental illnesses. I'm going to join one. I need to.
  16. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is very good news. Great job! Those support groups for parents are so terrific, I hope you get in one. The first time I sat in one of those and looked around, I took this deep breath and thought, these people know what I'm talking about (!) finally I was someplace where not only did I feel as if I belonged, but I got some real life tools to use and ways to understand; received compassion for my plight as the parent and looks of empathy..... (which are worth a million dollars!) I'm happy you are finding so much support. That was my experience too, once I actually started looking around, I found all kinds of resources for my difficult child and for me. I think you're on the right track too, with your undying love for your difficult child and your amazing tenacity, you've found support and solutions. Whether he takes all the help or not is up to him, but I found, as the mom, that once I knew I had done my best, I had turned over every rock, I felt as if I did my very best as her mother and it was easier to detach then. You are SO on the right track! YAY!
  17. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Well - I "spoke" too soon. difficult child was supposed to meet the worker today he missed her. She was there between 11:30 and noon instead of 11:30 and 1 bc she had a dr appointment. Ugggh! She's going back tomorrow to try to find him but he's annoyed. "*sigh* I love not being told this sooner..." is what he messaged me when I told him. They are going to do their best to connect with him tomorrow but he has to ask for them. They can't go up to him. That's the rule. Soooo I told him tomorrow is another day. I told him "everyone is trying to scramble together to help you. Sometimes it's not easy getting everyone coordinated in an emergency situation. I am trying my best so give me a break".

    I feel a little defeated that nothing happened today but hopefully tomorrow. And if they absolutely can't find him tomorrow I am physically taking HIM to THEM on Monday.
  18. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    On the big radar screen of life JKF, this is definitely a minor bleep! Don't let it get you down, it's just timing, you already have all the pieces together to knit him another safety net, you've done all the heavy lifting it seems, now you have to deal with timing and difficult child "moods" and irregularities.

    I'm being to you what my SO is to me when I am about to freak out, he is the one who always says things like "does this go on your permanent record?" (which always makes me laugh) or "what do you think difficult child is doing right now, while you sprout more gray hair?" which always gives me pause, because the likelihood is she is out there goofing off while I try to fix her life! I'm WAY better now, he's helped me to be able to stop the enabling momentum before it starts. Try to keep that perspective, you've done so much in a really short time and you have a plan which will get put into play one way or the get out that book and relax for now, you're done! He's safe, you made sure of that. Go enjoy your day, nothing left to do, go have some fun, you deserve it!
  19. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Thanks RE! I'm definitely trying and I'm looking forward to joining a support group in the area. I need to. It's time.

    The director of the soup kitchen just called me because yesterday I pretty much called and emailed everyone that might be able to help. Tomorrow she's going to look for difficult child during lunch so she can introduce herself and help him find the MHA worker. She was so nice. I'm so thankful that there are nice people left in this world.