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one extreme to the other.....
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 134426" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Star........</p><p>I am trying to catch up with everyone today, so forgive me for not knowing the latest with Dude. But I did want you to know I am praying and sending positive juju Dude's way for this latest endeavor. I know you and him have been on a merry go round for years with services, and "help" - it is hard to get excited over anything after awhile - or for that matter even sad.</p><p></p><p>As far as his next court date - can you take the evidence you have about his group home being SO horrible, and show it to the judge? Letting him know that there was absolutely NO supervision going on, in fact abuse, and because the State did not live up to their end of the deal - you feel it imperative the Dude receive the lightest sentence possible? Just a thought.</p><p></p><p>As far as all of the toys and "stuff" given to Dude by these parents...............in theory............it is an interesting philosophy. I have actually done this with my house and difficult child. He is notorious for breaking stuff around the house, throwing things, etc. Outside of really thinking about him and his drama, I remodeled the kitchen (the other kitchen was OK, but old, so we got all new appliances, tile, counters, etc). It completely changed difficult child and his outlook on "trashing" things when he got angry. Suddenly there was a pride in "his home" - and he did not want to ruin something he felt proud of. I just did the same thing in painting the whole house, and getting new trim, etc - and suddenly he is very careful about everything. I never said anything about it. In fact it was not even my plan to alter his behavior with new things - I just needed/wanted it - and somewhere it was implied I knew he would not trash our precious, hard worked for new things. In retrospect, it is pretty amazing. Most would not have taken the chance - but somewhere I trusted him - and he lived up to that.</p><p></p><p>All of that to say - perhaps the fparents are trying the philosophy of trust and pride. We are entrusting you with "all of this stuff", because we believe in you, and believe you are here to stay. It will be interesting to see what dude does with this complete 180 approach from his past group homes.</p><p></p><p>However you cannot in any way believe that dude thinks this will replace you. He knows who is mom is. He knows and loves <em>her</em>...........this is all just a temporary place in his life journey - but you will always hold a permanent place in his heart. He loves YOU...........and though these people are blowing him away right now with their unheard of generosity........it changes nothing about how he really feels about you.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Many hugs............and keep fighting the good fight! <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/star.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":star:" title="star :star:" data-shortname=":star:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 134426, member: 3301"] Star........ I am trying to catch up with everyone today, so forgive me for not knowing the latest with Dude. But I did want you to know I am praying and sending positive juju Dude's way for this latest endeavor. I know you and him have been on a merry go round for years with services, and "help" - it is hard to get excited over anything after awhile - or for that matter even sad. As far as his next court date - can you take the evidence you have about his group home being SO horrible, and show it to the judge? Letting him know that there was absolutely NO supervision going on, in fact abuse, and because the State did not live up to their end of the deal - you feel it imperative the Dude receive the lightest sentence possible? Just a thought. As far as all of the toys and "stuff" given to Dude by these parents...............in theory............it is an interesting philosophy. I have actually done this with my house and difficult child. He is notorious for breaking stuff around the house, throwing things, etc. Outside of really thinking about him and his drama, I remodeled the kitchen (the other kitchen was OK, but old, so we got all new appliances, tile, counters, etc). It completely changed difficult child and his outlook on "trashing" things when he got angry. Suddenly there was a pride in "his home" - and he did not want to ruin something he felt proud of. I just did the same thing in painting the whole house, and getting new trim, etc - and suddenly he is very careful about everything. I never said anything about it. In fact it was not even my plan to alter his behavior with new things - I just needed/wanted it - and somewhere it was implied I knew he would not trash our precious, hard worked for new things. In retrospect, it is pretty amazing. Most would not have taken the chance - but somewhere I trusted him - and he lived up to that. All of that to say - perhaps the fparents are trying the philosophy of trust and pride. We are entrusting you with "all of this stuff", because we believe in you, and believe you are here to stay. It will be interesting to see what dude does with this complete 180 approach from his past group homes. However you cannot in any way believe that dude thinks this will replace you. He knows who is mom is. He knows and loves [I]her[/I]...........this is all just a temporary place in his life journey - but you will always hold a permanent place in his heart. He loves YOU...........and though these people are blowing him away right now with their unheard of generosity........it changes nothing about how he really feels about you. Many hugs............and keep fighting the good fight! :star: [/QUOTE]
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