one good day, well at least it was one good day. (update)

[buddy]

Yesterday with Q was so nice. Today s^cks. He did great in his home school, cooperated with people and followed all of my directions.

Today all the kids are home and he got over excited. One of the parents called because I went in to change laundry, said he was throwing rocks and the kids were complaining. So I called him over and had to force him in. He has been raging since. I told him I am calling 911 if he becomes aggressive. He is still saying awful things about how I hurt him making him come in the house (I ended up having to pull his jacket and I grabbed his galaxy player to make him come in. He was furious. I had tried telling him we needed to go get something for Nana since she is sick but he refused to come in.

How can I live here and not use my front door. He has an Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker and I really need it. I decided to drive him to a meeting spot so she does not come to meet us and he is not tempted to run to the kids.

I am sitting here typing as he is going on and on about what a d bag I am, I will refuse to calm down, I will not take this one more second etc...just nonsense. Now I am just being quiet as he says well then fine, lets talk about it to get it over with. He said, I will show you what will happen..... I will show you today. Just now I gave him some mints, they are powerful and calm him. I am going to set him up with his light sounds AVE machine to calm.

Update on the meeting yesterday:

They didn't have the woman there that they said would be able to answer the questions...the one who works with vocational stuff. Just a bunch of lies. They did answer further questions I had and asked what my main concern was. I am still not communicating (or they really dont care) well what my concern is. They say stupid koi like all parents are worried about bad influences on their kids. I have tried a million times to explain that if he was wanting to join a group to rebel or because he thinks it is cool that would be a whole different thing. But he will imitate all behaviors, good or bad. It is not within his choice. If I am wrong, I would party big time but it is our history.

He is still so adgitated. He is standing here in my room because he is scared but that means his constant verbal whispers saying all different words etc. He is trying so so hard to get my attention with these words. I gave him the option to go rest for an hour then we can talk but he just can't leave. he wants to go back out to play "with my friends". One of the girls called her mom (my good friend) to tell on him...apparently they were in the elevator and hiding from him (he knows he can't go in there) and he said the boys thought it was funny....I know his social issues of misperceptions are at the heart of this, I wish I had not trusted how things were going. I am just exhausted. The school stuff is enough. I need all my energy to deal with normal stuff like this, but I dont have it because of all the stupid school stuff.

 

[Ktllc]

I am so sorry for yet another stupid and unproductive meeting yesterday... You have to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang on and keep pushing, you know: kind of the little engine that could? It seems almost impossible, but slowly, you are getting closer to a good program for Q. Don't let them patronize you with comments like "all parents are worried blah blah blah". Tell them point blank: you are not all parents, and Q is not all kids. Let's get to the point now!
Do you think it means the program is inappropriate for Q or they just took your concerns and questions too lightly yesterday but can shape up? Or were they fed a bunch of bs by the district?

 

[buddy]

I just don't know. I made a list of pros and cons and there were both. A big pro is Q has been there a few times now and is desperately wanting to go. He doesn't understand though. I am trying to explain but he is frustrated.

 

[InsaneCdn]

The meeting yesterday was with the old school, right? You haven't booked the tour yet... or did I miss something?

This old-school koi? that's exactly what it is. There is NO way they are going to let on that you have them over a barrel. And NO way they are going to make it easy for you. It is the last powerplay they can make, and they are playing it to the hilt. I think you handled it just fine. And no, you are NOT going to give THEM the details of your concerns. They lost that right with the latest incidents. THEY cannot be trusted with ANYTHING - not even your "requirements" for Q... because they will twist that, too.

ALL you will "let" them do is pay for what Q really needs. The rest... they have NO power over. I think you handled the meeting well. Just a really ugly meeting, which makes it a really draining meeting... UGH.

 

[buddy]

This was at the proposed SUN 2 program school. It was supposed to be the teacher, the director, and a VOC/WORK training teacher. SO, the home bound teacher, also came and that was fine. BUT the voc teacher did not come and that was the main point of the meeting. But as we were finishing the meeting they talked about my email requesting that they not attend the tour of 287. They were of course defensive and finally said that maybe another person could come. I suggested home bound teacher since she knows Q and is not part of the conflict.

I was told they would have to make sure she was comfortable with that, (she was right there but fine) and then when we went to get Q to go home, the teacher told me alone that she would be absolutely fine coming on the tour.

SO, today I write an email asking if they have a time and who would be coming? I got an email that said they had scheduled a tour for 11 at teh SAFE program ....that is the Fetal Alcohol Program......with X. I was told how to go to the office and how to knock on the door and to meet him. No mention of district staff of any sort.

I wanted to write back and blast them but anyway, I simply asked who would be coming. OH>>>>I just got an email that the home bound teacher will attend. OK that is good.

I will start a new thread with the latest on the letter the dis. advocates wrote... you will not believe this.

 

[StressedM0mma]

So sorry the person you were supposed to meet with wasn't there. And, Q. It stinks that he had such a great day followed by such a crummy one. And, just because he was so excited. I hope he settles for the rest of the evening and has a better day tomorrow. Is he going to the horses tomorrow?

 

[buddy]

YES!!!! HORSIES tomorrow and it will be 60ish here. I am amazed.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Lessons tomorrow here also. The weather won't be so cooperative, but difficult child just puts on some under-armor on under her breeches. We are still waiting to hear what day our pony will be here. I think difficult child is going to climb out of her skin.

 

[buddy]

I'm so excited too.... I hope you post pictures of the horse!

 

[StressedM0mma]

Oh I most definitely will. We are really hoping that this will help difficult child deal with all of her issues. You have seen first hand how much riding helps settle Q. And, this horse will be hers. So, she will be able to ride as often as she wants. And, she will have to care for her. I am actually very excited about it. (Even though it may bankrupt us!

 

[buddy]

I would do that for Q in a second if I was in the position to do it. I think it is probably a better therapy investment than a residential treatment center! (ok well depends on the issues, but for you for now..... probably!)

 

[InsaneCdn]

(Even though it may bankrupt us!

Stressed... I know THAT feeling. husband and I decided long ago that we'd rather end up dirt poor in retirement, than to be comfortable but have to live with not doing the things we knew would help difficult child... Not that it is really the kind of choice that any parent should have to make. But... we don't have that many years left in us... difficult child does. So our investment isn't in our future but in his (and his sister's).

 

[StressedM0mma]

IC, my husband and I joke that neither of our children chose cheap activities. easy child plays the double bass. That in and of itself is an extremely $$ instrument. And, she plays in one of the best youth orchestras in the country. An hour drive one way. And, $10 to park. She drives a minivan. So, we are dumping $75 a week just into gas and parking. Thank goodness she is graduating this year! I think college might be cheaper.
Buddy, if you ever decide that a horse may be an option for you, check out New Vocations. They have rehabbed racehorses that you can adopt. They range from free to $700. I am not sure how much it would cost for transport, but... If these horses were with another agency or group, some of them would go for 5-10k. It is a really great program. Have a wonderful day at lessons. It is a balmy 22F here! Brr.

 

[buddy]

Stressed... I know THAT feeling. husband and I decided long ago that we'd rather end up dirt poor in retirement, than to be comfortable but have to live with not doing the things we knew would help difficult child... Not that it is really the kind of choice that any parent should have to make. But... we don't have that many years left in us... difficult child does. So our investment isn't in our future but in his (and his sister's).

That's what it ended up for me too. I quit my job because I felt like....well.... I only get this ONE chance to make a difference for my son. One chance to do the mommy thing the best I can for him. If I end up in senior housing on a percentage based rent, well there are a ton of nice buildings like that around me. My mom lives in one that I LOVE (and it starts at age 55 so really, I am not so far away from that, and Q can live in a building like that too....because people with disabilities can live in senior places here.... imagine if he had his own apartment and we could arrange for care and I could be next to him but not WITH him, oh wow. That could work if he learns more skills in the mean time. Will all depend on how we get through puberty, LOL.