one step forward and its 20 back.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by kassy, Mar 25, 2007.

  1. kassy

    kassy New Member

    hi all, well it is on again... or maybe it is just me... i do not know anymore... :crying: i am so tired and sick and tired.. sigh... oh hi and welcome to my pitty party.... :sad: well i caught him in 2 lies today and granted they are not earth shattering to me but they completely shore up why i can not trust anything he says period!! he called me and said he did not want to go to work (he was at freinds) because he had walked over to his work and his boss was in a bad "mood".. well i knew he did not have any time to go to his job so hummmm.. i told him no he could not call in sick to work end of conversation.. he hangs up on me.. soon other kid's mom calls and is looking for her kid and mine and i ask her did she perhaps give ride to job,, no of course she did not... as she is on phone to me james and friend show up and i ask her to ask james if he has been to his job today and he tells her he went there before he went to church this morning which is BS because i took him to church directly from home.... venting girls please bare with me... like i said not earth shattering lies here but why make up such crappppppp!! so next lie is i find stolen drinks in his roomn under bed AFTER i asked him yesterday if he took one... "no mom i would tell you if i did" :rolleyes: you know when i ask him when sometihng is missing and I know and HE knows who took it I get this how can you accuse me all the time, why does everyone always think it is me...blah blah blah......and we were doing good... oh and he gets home from work and is p***ed off that i had cleaned his room and asks me WHY i clean his room now and he can't clean his own room... i said I did not KNOW why he
    couldn't clean his room. and i was done asking him to... not dieing on that mountain anymore....
  2. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #993399"> they don't seem to get that when they constantly lie about the small things ~~~ taking unauthorized sodas for instance ~~~ that it makes it absolutely impossible to believe them with-the big things. it's SOOOOOOO frustrating!

    lying is the one thing that sets my hair on fire. just drives me insane. jarrod used to tell me he lied about something so he wouldn't get in i was sitting there with-my hair on fire & the veins in my forhead & neck ready to burst. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

    i know...makes you want to shake them till their heads roll across the floor.

    </span> </span> </span>
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I don't have much experience with the lying (yet :crazy2:) but it's something there are natural consequences for. I mean if he is lying about work, he gets fired right? If he lies about the soda, either he doesn't get anymore or he's not allowed food and drink in his room.

    I know it can be incredibly frustrating and disappoionting to have him lie so much. Seems like these (especially) teen difficult children have lieing listed at the top of their resume. It's something us parents can't tolerate.

    Hope today is a better day.

  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Lying makes me nuts - I can tell if the tweedles are lying to me because they look me straight in the eye. If not, they look over my shoulder. :slap:

    It's a frustrating habit/choice/behavior - whatever you want to call it.

    We always call our difficult children on it. Always. The consequence to be determined by the lie.

    You have my empathy - it's nerve wracking to not be able to trust what your own child is telling you. :rolleyes:
  5. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    Ugh. Lying gets right under my skin. Thankfully at this point, my difficult child very rarely lies, and when he does, it's a meaningless lie told in fun and I can tell he's lying by the ear to ear smirk he gets across his face.

    I'm so sorry, hun! :hugs:
  6. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: LittleDudesMom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Kassy,

    I don't have much experience with the lying (yet :crazy2:) but it's something there are natural consequences for. I mean if he is lying about work, he gets fired right? If he lies about the soda, either he doesn't get anymore or he's not allowed food and drink in his room.


    Unfortunately in my house the natural consequesnces of the (CONSTANT) lying hasn't made any kind of impact. And after years and years of it you'd think it would but what can you do? Mine lies so much that it's an automatic for him when you ask a question. As like the others, then he gets all mad and irate when we don't believe him on the rare occasion that he tells the truth. He just doesn't get it that the more he lies, the more we don't trust a thing that he says. I feel your pain, just wish there was something we could do to make them stop.
  7. sandrainde

    sandrainde New Member

    my son lies and lies and more lies all the time.
    especially about taking things without asking.
    dispite locked kitchen pantry door, the :censored2: found out about it and stole food out of it. ( whole other set of issues there)
    he lies about taking his sisters' gamboys
    he lies about homework and what teachers actually say- hello we have a notebook- you would think he would learn by now.
    honestly he has lied so much, it is hard to tell what is truth and what is not.
    right now i deal with his issues mostly on my weekly phone calls, honestly we spend at least an hour on the phone ( his stepmum and i) talking about his lieing for the week or other drama for the week.
    lets not count the how many holes they have in their walls from him putting his head thru or kicking them- just for him getting in trouble on the lies. i mean as sad as this is :/, we joke that when he comes to europe i am going to have to have the ambulance on standby- i live in a 80 year house that has cement walls. not good for heads or feet. so i think my put in corner issues will have to be something else.
    i dont understand why they lie or why they think they have to lie. the brain is an amazing thing.
    i totally understand your one step forward and the 20 steps back, i think as parents we feel that all the time.
    i hope things get a little better
  8. kassy

    kassy New Member

    thanks to all of you... we have doctor appointment this morning.. hopefully he shows up...have a wonderful day..
  9. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Hi Kassy. I can sure sympathize - my difficult child is a pathological liar. Lies even when he doesn't have to lie. His lies used to scare me because I'd think he was hiding something that could be dangerous. Now, though, I'm starting to think that my difficult child's lies are less about deception than about manipulation.

    When we talk (infrequently, lately), he always has an agenda. And it seems that his entire side of the conversation is about his agenda, and saying whatever comes to mind to make it happen. The concept of "honest, open dialog" doesn't cross his mind, even if the truth has a better chance of getting him what he wants. Unfortunately, lies come as easy as breathing, and as habitual as swallowing. I'm really starting to think that he doesn't see it as lying, just the game he plays to get what he wants. Weird, hunh?

    I've been down the road of "you don't have to lie about anything", too. I've told him that I'd rather have him tell the truth and be defiant rather than lie and give me nightmares about what he's doing. Nope, that didn't work either. My wife swears that's the most evil thing someone can do....


    Like other difficult children here, he doesn't seem to understand that as parents our primary concern is for his safety and well-being. When kids lie, it only ratchets up our radar, and we start worrying that they're doing something that (a) could get them hurt, (b) that they want to hide, and (c) that they KNOW is wrong.

    And somehow, none of that bothers them and they lie anyway.

    Of all the other issues my son has, lying is the worst one. Of course, it's also his best defense to keep me out of his life, so I don't expect it to get better without some serious intervention, conflict, or a sudden attack of consience.

    Sorry I don't have an answer, but I can sure sympathize with you. And if you happen to find the snake oil that actually cures this, please buy me a case :smile:

  10. kassy

    kassy New Member

    " And if you happen to find the snake oil that actually cures this, please buy me a case"

    will do!!!