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Failure to Thrive
One step forward...two steps back. Ugh!
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<blockquote data-quote="Nature" data-source="post: 682836" data-attributes="member: 19011"><p>Wow, you sure have a lot on your plate right now - lots of stress in your life. I sympathize with your situation and glad you are here amongst friends.</p><p> Here's my take on what I see from the few post I've read.</p><p>Your daughter has been given opportunities which she either isn't capable, unable or too stubborn (don't think it's the last one) to follow through on. My opinion based on her announcement that she is not ready for adulthood is that she is not ready to do this at this point in time. That being said and this is only my opinion- is all these new things are too much for her right now. Ever see the 100 stress points scale? It's a scale in which one can evaluate the stress somewhat in their lives - things like moving, new job, new school, making new friends, ect.... Each change in a life brings on stress points and can accumulate so that the person is experiencing severe stress when everything is compounded.</p><p>For someone with a disability all these new challenges may be causing her depression and in turn she sleeps a lot unable to deal with it all. It's much easier to bury our heads in the sand or in a pillow as in your daughters case that deal with the issues.</p><p>So step back a moment and perhaps see her as an elastic band - the more you insist - the more she resist and pulls back.</p><p></p><p>I would take the advice from some folks who have suggested perhaps to seek help regarding a group home but then again she's only 18 and may have a few more years before she matures. I'm not sure how your state works but where I live the government will no longer pay free tuition for those over 19 (I'm in Canada where the legal age is 19). I did see in your post she's allowed to go to school until 22 so if I understood what she is allowed to do in your state? If she isn't able to compete her schooling this year is next year or the one after still a possibility?</p><p></p><p>Sometimes you have to let them fall in order for them to climb back up. On one hand you don't want to give up and just let her stay at home but what if you then insist she do something constructive with her time? Most shelters rely on volunteers to help out and perhaps for the time being in order to motivate her once again about her dreams she can apply to volunteer at a shelter even one day a week? This may me be motivating factor which then allows her to go back and pursue her dreams of being a vet tech. Granted a volunteer also has to commit and taking her to a shelter may be what allows her to see that volunteering could be a possibility.Viewing the animal's faces that NEED her may do the trick. Perhaps she may be always set in her "helpless" mode that being the "helper" may also motivate her. While there she could inquire if there is an opening in the late afternoon. </p><p></p><p>I foster/volunteer for several shelters and some have more monies than others.Some have huge facilities while other reputable rescues are unmanned a lot of the times and desperately require volunteers to keep them running. I know at one I was the only person who showed up to assist to clean/feed the animals after work. If I didn't show those animals would have been without. It was imperative that I show up. Perhaps something like that responsibility (as I know she must love animals) and to see they depend on her may be the motivating factor. These are only suggestions but as someone who works with at risk youth whom many have attendance problems usually you need a "hook" of some kind to get them where you want them to be. I suggested the above as I work with one young lady whom has some of the attributes of your daughter and did mention she loved animals and wanted to work with them. Having her volunteer at an animal shelter allowed her to "get out there", whereas previously she avoided people. Her anxiety has much improved since that time.</p><p></p><p>I wish you and her well. Lastly, never assume anything even based on her behavior today. My eldest B had Aspergers was not diagnosed until adulthood , resisted going to school , only completed the 10th grade and rarely went out. Today, he has a good paying job, owns his own bachelor suite which he paid for without a dime from me but rather from the monies he saved. I never saw his future as including those things above and I was sure at the time he would remain in my home forever. There is always hope. Take Care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nature, post: 682836, member: 19011"] Wow, you sure have a lot on your plate right now - lots of stress in your life. I sympathize with your situation and glad you are here amongst friends. Here's my take on what I see from the few post I've read. Your daughter has been given opportunities which she either isn't capable, unable or too stubborn (don't think it's the last one) to follow through on. My opinion based on her announcement that she is not ready for adulthood is that she is not ready to do this at this point in time. That being said and this is only my opinion- is all these new things are too much for her right now. Ever see the 100 stress points scale? It's a scale in which one can evaluate the stress somewhat in their lives - things like moving, new job, new school, making new friends, ect.... Each change in a life brings on stress points and can accumulate so that the person is experiencing severe stress when everything is compounded. For someone with a disability all these new challenges may be causing her depression and in turn she sleeps a lot unable to deal with it all. It's much easier to bury our heads in the sand or in a pillow as in your daughters case that deal with the issues. So step back a moment and perhaps see her as an elastic band - the more you insist - the more she resist and pulls back. I would take the advice from some folks who have suggested perhaps to seek help regarding a group home but then again she's only 18 and may have a few more years before she matures. I'm not sure how your state works but where I live the government will no longer pay free tuition for those over 19 (I'm in Canada where the legal age is 19). I did see in your post she's allowed to go to school until 22 so if I understood what she is allowed to do in your state? If she isn't able to compete her schooling this year is next year or the one after still a possibility? Sometimes you have to let them fall in order for them to climb back up. On one hand you don't want to give up and just let her stay at home but what if you then insist she do something constructive with her time? Most shelters rely on volunteers to help out and perhaps for the time being in order to motivate her once again about her dreams she can apply to volunteer at a shelter even one day a week? This may me be motivating factor which then allows her to go back and pursue her dreams of being a vet tech. Granted a volunteer also has to commit and taking her to a shelter may be what allows her to see that volunteering could be a possibility.Viewing the animal's faces that NEED her may do the trick. Perhaps she may be always set in her "helpless" mode that being the "helper" may also motivate her. While there she could inquire if there is an opening in the late afternoon. I foster/volunteer for several shelters and some have more monies than others.Some have huge facilities while other reputable rescues are unmanned a lot of the times and desperately require volunteers to keep them running. I know at one I was the only person who showed up to assist to clean/feed the animals after work. If I didn't show those animals would have been without. It was imperative that I show up. Perhaps something like that responsibility (as I know she must love animals) and to see they depend on her may be the motivating factor. These are only suggestions but as someone who works with at risk youth whom many have attendance problems usually you need a "hook" of some kind to get them where you want them to be. I suggested the above as I work with one young lady whom has some of the attributes of your daughter and did mention she loved animals and wanted to work with them. Having her volunteer at an animal shelter allowed her to "get out there", whereas previously she avoided people. Her anxiety has much improved since that time. I wish you and her well. Lastly, never assume anything even based on her behavior today. My eldest B had Aspergers was not diagnosed until adulthood , resisted going to school , only completed the 10th grade and rarely went out. Today, he has a good paying job, owns his own bachelor suite which he paid for without a dime from me but rather from the monies he saved. I never saw his future as including those things above and I was sure at the time he would remain in my home forever. There is always hope. Take Care. [/QUOTE]
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