One week

[flutterby]

That's how long it lasted. One whole week.

easy child and DF are going to my mom's to help my stepfather do some funky computer connection. I told them I wanted to go. I can't drive that far very often, and I'm in a flare so it will be a while yet. My mom lives 45 minutes away.

easy child didn't want me to go. They go there to "get away". Really? From what?

 

[AnnieO]

Wow... Yeah.

Hugs, Heather. Really... Amazing what the kids will say, that throws you for a loop.

 

[flutterby]

I'm sick of him stomping all over my feelings. I'm sick of crying. I'm just sick of it all.

 

[Shari]

Is this one of the things that crosses that line???

 

[flutterby]

Yes. My son doesn't get to tell me when I can go to *my* mother's.

 

[flutterby]

I texted him and told him that he doesn't get to decide when I go to my mother's. He responded, "no, but i get to decide who i drive around". While he's on my insurance policy.

 

[Shari]

Just like you decide who lives in your house. And who's insurance you cover.

He needs his own space. If he wants to be an adult, then he needs to be an adult.

What's his number? I'll text him.

 

[flutterby]

I had responded to his text, "Fine. Then you're on your own for insurance, too. I'm removing you tomorrow". He just responded, "lol. and you say i'm the one that acts like a child". I told him not to bother coming back.

 

[flutterby]

And that he can get his stuff when it's convenient for me.

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry he is such a jerk to you. Stick to your guns. You have put up with a lot from him. Too much is enough.

 

[flutterby]

His latest response: "seriously? you're crying because you invited yourself to a day that we had already planned out? I'm sorry. we though it would be nice to"

It cut off cause he's texting to my email and you only get 160 characters. (And I never said anything to him about crying.)

This isn't some special day, or special occasion. And I've never asked to go with them before when they had plans to go to my mom's. Besides, WTH does it matter? I'm so angry at him I could puke.

 

[trinityroyal]

Heather, I'm so sorry. You have no reason to put up with that from anyone. I agree that you need to stick to your guns.

Based on D's behaviour (can't bring myself to refer to him as easy child, the way he's treating you) the last time you told him to leave, and his responses this time, he doesn't seem to believe that you're serious. Do you have a plan for when he and DF do come home? Are you in a position to have the locks changed? Are you feeling healthy enough to take this on? I imagine that the last thing you need while you're in the middle of a flare on top of everything else is to put an action plan into place...

 

[flutterby]

We never lock the doors, so all I have to do is lock them. And it's already done.

I've always told people that I have a really cold side to me. And I do. I put up with, and put up with, and put up with until I've hit my limit. And once I have? I'm done. I walk away. And I don't care.

That's where I am. If he wants to act like his father, then he and I can have the same relationship I have with his father. Which is none. I am not a doormat.

Maybe that makes me a horrible mom, but I really don't care. He's continued to text me and I told him that I was done.

 

[flutterby]

And now he's backpedaling.

 

[trinityroyal]

It doesn't make you a horrible mom at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. I think that it's one of the best things you can do for him, as a mom. You're teaching him that he can't treat people that way without consequences. It's a lesson best learned when you're still young enough to have a hope of changing the pattern.

I think you made a good call. For that behaviour, he'd be out on his ear at my house as well.

Sending many hugs.

 

[trinityroyal]

And now he's backpedaling.

Let him. It's like I've tried to explain countless times to my difficult child. Saying you're sorry after the fact doesn't take the hurt or anger away. In fact, it shows an utter lack of regard for the depth of hurt and anger he's inflicted.
Stay strong. If you back down now, he will continue with the nasty behaviour. I think he burned up his last chance with you this past week. If he was only able to hold it together for a mere 7 days before treating you badly AGAIN, it doesn't show that he's learned much of anything.

 

[KTMom91]

I absolutely hate that he's treating you this way. Stay strong, and I hope you're feeling better.

 

[susiestar]

I am totally with Trinity on this one. My bro is backpedaling too. Left a message trying to convince husband that the locks were "broken" at my parents when he changed them with-o permission. also is trying to say we are mad at my parents and that the ONLY reason he said anything was because we were so angry with them.

Just like my bro, your son is full of feces. It is NOT cold to insist that you be treated with respect and caring. Not at all.

 

[Wiped Out]

Heather,
I'm sorry you are having to deal with all of this on top of being in the middle of a flare. I think you are doing the right thing-you don't deserve to be treated this way and you are doing this because it needs to be done and because you love him. The gentlest of hugs coming your way.

 

[susiestar]

How are things going today? Did he stay away or did you give him another chance? Hugs and support no matter what!