One year ago today for my difficult child...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by in a daze, Sep 11, 2014.

  1. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    He was brought to the ER for delusional behavior, the consequence of abusing his Adderal prescription. An easy date to remember unfortunately, it being 9/11/13.

    I spoke to him last night and reminded him of the progress he's made. He's stayed sober. He's had his part time job for almost 6 months, and shows up reliably (I've seen his payroll statements). He sees his caseworker and therapist. (I get the insurance statements). I took him to new university clinic psychiatric doctor who is weaning him off zyprexa (antipsychotic), with the result that he feels less numb, a little more interested in doing stuff, less disengaged, and personal appearance has improved. He went to two concerts with old friends this summer, one overnight, and reports that he did not drink. He does not call me with an emotional crisis or a demand for money anymore.

    There are still concerns. He still tends to isolate himself. Therapist is working on getting him to go to more meetings and make some friends, new friends (struggles with this because of his social anxiety and his non verbal learning disability). He is into supplements in a big way, some of which could be harmful, such as kava kava and kratom (using them to treat ADHD symptoms at work, so he says). This is concerning to us. I did discuss with therapist (he knows) and we will bring up at psychiatric appointment next week.
     
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  2. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Thank you for updating us, Daze.

    Know that I am holding a special thought for you, and for your son and family.

    Cedar
     
  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I would like to know how you are doing.

    Have you been able to set aside time for self nurturing?
     
  4. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Hi Cedar. Today and yesterday all about self nurturing as I have a cold and some intestinal issues but fortunately am on vacation.

    I exercise, read, work, try to get together with family and friends. I am thinking about getting a dog again. Husband is reluctant.

    He is constantly on my mind. It's like walking around with a cloud over my head, like a shadow always following me. I thought that got a little better today. It's got to. He has all the tools at hand he needs to work on his issues and all I can do is stand back and be supportive. I go to my FA group and see my therapist and they are both a big help.
     
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks for the update IAD, it all seems so positive. I know the cloud over your head you speak of, I've worked so hard to let the sun shine through that cloud..............it takes work, it really does, but it does eventually go away. Keep up the great self care you're doing, it'll kick in, you're doing all the right things to send that cloud away..........holding good thoughts for you and your son.......
     
  6. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Cedar and Recovering!
     
  7. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    That dark cloud feeling, Daze?

    That is where you begin your own healing. This is the area of vulnerability, the growing edge.

    Lean into it, if you can.

    Come aware of the fears and the feelings, and let facing them make you stronger, more flexible, more truly present.

    Have you read Brene Brown's Daring Greatly?

    Cedar
     
  8. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    I'll check out the book, Cedar.

    If I lean into the feelings I start crying, so maybe I shouldn't.
     
  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Crying can be restorative IAD, it can be cleansing and wash away the fears and the anguish so that you're able to move forward. Trying NOT to cry can keep us stuck in the fears and sorrows............let it go IAD, there's a very good chance you'll feel a lot better afterwards. This is really sad stuff we do here.........
     
  10. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    IAD, set aside 30 minutes to cry. When you can.

    Let it all out. Everything. Dont hold back. Then get up and do whatever you are able to do next. And then next. And next.

    I promise, you will get relief from this. It's scary to allow it the first time, but the benefits are real.

    Holding back, like RE said, is much more damaging and keeps us sicker.

    Cry, IAD.
     
  11. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Recovering, and COM. When I cry, I feel I have to hide it from husband. He gets very concerned (he is a sweetheart).

    It's kind of funny that when son was in the hospital/rehab I hardly ever cried.
     
  12. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    There is a time, just after change happens, when we function with excruciating clarity. It happens that way to soldiers in battle, too. After the time of crisis is over, we are left to incorporate the changes, the unchangeable, unbelievable things that are real now into our lives.

    The shock, the loss, the understanding of harm, of failure to protect, of future vulnerability -- all that stuff comes crashing in so hard we have no words for it.

    There are no words.

    To cry is to show compassion for the self. At first, we do not feel we deserve compassion....

    Back in the beginning, I would drive to the water. I would give myself a time to think of nothing. In that place I made, those things that most needed my attention would come, and I could hear and heal them. Beneath it all, there is sorrow.

    Then, I would go home.

    Just knowing that I had that place, just knowing I would go there, that I would nurture myself in that way, helped me to be stronger.

    Cedar
     
  13. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    IAD, I've done a lot of crying throughout my life, but in the last few years, when my daughter's life really spiraled out of control, I cried more then I ever have. And, I understand your feelings about your husband's concern for you when you cry............for me, I got to a point awhile back that I just couldn't hold those tears in any more and I broke down a number of times with my husband (then SO), and what happened in those vulnerable moments of such grief is that having someone else hold my grief with me was amazingly cathartic and ended up being somehow more profound and also much more of a release. The risk to share that level of sorrow was so healing. It became a lot easier to do it after I had broken down a number of times..............I got really good at it!!

    And, there is an end to it too. I think as we get better at releasing all of our feelings and not being stoic or afraid, we end up releasing so much of that grief and fear, little by little and it lessens considerably and quickly too. It's not inside of us anymore, it is expressed, as it should be. Like babies do, they release their feelings without editing them........as we get older we learn to edit ourselves. That is not always healthy, it can be a detriment to " be strong." The ability to be vulnerable has enormous strength in it. It takes courage to feel.

    Thinking of you IAD, wishing you peace of mind and truckloads of serenity............
     
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