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Parent Emeritus
One Year Later-lots has happened, nothing has changed, at the end of my rope
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 631971" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>So glad your wife truly listened to you. I had a bit of a reaction when you said that you learned the shortest route to disappointment was getting your hopes up "with a difficult child." So true.</p><p></p><p>For one thing, my difficult child is in a pickle (what a surprise) at the moment, but is handling it differently and in a slightly better way. Hmm. Normally, a parent would feel very good about those circumstances. But, I have learned, like you, to just make a logical observation, and leave it at that.</p><p></p><p>But also, remember, your wife is not the difficult child here. Yes, it seems recent times have been tremendously tough. But, surely she has (for lack of better terminology) earned some chips/points over the years. She "heard" what you had to say and our difficult children don't tend to " hear" anything we say or care one iota.</p><p></p><p>And as someone else mentioned, compromise is appropriate. And as you said, you need to forget about these hurts and move forward.</p><p></p><p>One of the first thing our (good) therapist did when we got to her was tell us to go on a vacation...even just a three/four day weekend kind of thing. We went on a one week cruise. It was just what we needed. Bought some new clothes..etc. spent months looking forward to it. And made a deal that we would not talk about difficult child. I think we gave ourselves a thirty minute talk the first day allowance and that was it. No more discussion allowed. It was heaven.</p><p></p><p>Out of all my friends who have a long term, major difficult child, I'm the only one still married. The difference, I think, is not only did we go to therapy, but just as important, if not moreso, is that we worked very hard at staying married. We continued to go on vacation once a year, sometimes twice...so that we would always have something to look forward to and be far away from difficult child stresses.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I think your desire to keep your marriage intact and to take one day at a time....is wonderful. I hope it can be worked out. Wishing you and your wife well!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 631971, member: 4152"] So glad your wife truly listened to you. I had a bit of a reaction when you said that you learned the shortest route to disappointment was getting your hopes up "with a difficult child." So true. For one thing, my difficult child is in a pickle (what a surprise) at the moment, but is handling it differently and in a slightly better way. Hmm. Normally, a parent would feel very good about those circumstances. But, I have learned, like you, to just make a logical observation, and leave it at that. But also, remember, your wife is not the difficult child here. Yes, it seems recent times have been tremendously tough. But, surely she has (for lack of better terminology) earned some chips/points over the years. She "heard" what you had to say and our difficult children don't tend to " hear" anything we say or care one iota. And as someone else mentioned, compromise is appropriate. And as you said, you need to forget about these hurts and move forward. One of the first thing our (good) therapist did when we got to her was tell us to go on a vacation...even just a three/four day weekend kind of thing. We went on a one week cruise. It was just what we needed. Bought some new clothes..etc. spent months looking forward to it. And made a deal that we would not talk about difficult child. I think we gave ourselves a thirty minute talk the first day allowance and that was it. No more discussion allowed. It was heaven. Out of all my friends who have a long term, major difficult child, I'm the only one still married. The difference, I think, is not only did we go to therapy, but just as important, if not moreso, is that we worked very hard at staying married. We continued to go on vacation once a year, sometimes twice...so that we would always have something to look forward to and be far away from difficult child stresses. Anyway, I think your desire to keep your marriage intact and to take one day at a time....is wonderful. I hope it can be worked out. Wishing you and your wife well! [/QUOTE]
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One Year Later-lots has happened, nothing has changed, at the end of my rope
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