Ooops, She Did It Again

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by TYLERFAN, Jun 29, 2007.

  1. TYLERFAN

    TYLERFAN New Member

    Hi Family:

    She did it again.....She Relapsed :smile: :nonono: :grrr:
    "It's what they do"...is all anyone can tell me. Meanwhile, I sit here and look at her son and ask myself .....Will she ever be ready to be a mother? I'm pretty sure Y'all can guess the answer I've been coming up with.....
    She went to detox yesterday and admitted to being Not Sober for the last 2 weeks at least....... :grrr: She sure fooled me, cause when I went back in my records, we had left the baby and her alone in my apt one night to go shopping......I thought she was fine....... :sad:
    I have been feeling down lately myself......I quit my job for prideful purposes....(long story, my issues).....I am stressing to find something else.....Now this, I am kind of numb. :smile:
    I haven't really felt this way in a long, long time. DF went away this week on a fishing/camping trip...so thank goodness he can't see me this way. You'd think I wouldn't feel this way, with the wedding coming and all.....I just feel dragged out and exhausted. I can't believe she was able to fool me again!!! :hammer:
    Sorry for venting, I haven't contributed much lately. It has been hectic, but I do read here and my prayers are with you all.

    Thanks for being here.

    Blessings,
    Melissa
     
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm sorry. I can only imagine the pain and the sense of betrayal you are feeling.

    Give yourself a break. We all want to believe our children are doing good no matter what the evidence. The evidence you had was pretty positive. Most addicts are very good at fooling the world for short periods of time, even their parents. She wasn't living with you. You only saw her for short period of times. She could pretty much control herself for those periods. You're now raising her son, trying to plan a wedding, look for a job and still live a life. That's a pretty full plate without adding the work of determining whether your child has relapsed when she appears clean and playing the game so well.

    So, be angy at her, not at yourself. At this point, I suppose your rule has to be something like no alone time for her with her son until she has been clean and sober for a minimum of X months with weekly and random test results proving this or something to that effect.

    :kisses: :flower: Sorry, hugs seem to be missing but they're there.
     
  3. MrsMcNear46

    MrsMcNear46 New Member

    Melissa-

    Will be praying for you hon. You really do have alot on your plate. God will give you the strength you need to get thru it.

    Sweet Betsy fooled me oh so many times. Hopefully, sooner or later, she will understand what the sub abuse is doing to her life and want to change.

    Remember, where there is life, there is HOPE!

    Blessings,

    Mrs. McNear
     
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending supportive thoughts and hugs your way Melissa. I think
    the sheer exhaustion is the cumulative effect of years of this
    s.a. difficult child stress. Truly I have slept thirteen hours straight on
    a few weekend nights this year and within an hour or two of being
    up...I'm ready for a nap. I do have Lexipro to help me out but
    still..

    I know it is Post Graduate Detachment #101 that is needed and,
    from past experience raising a grandbaby or two, you really MUST
    stop thinking of the baby as "her" baby. He is NOT "her" baby.
    He is YOUR baby and she is not even a trustworthy babysitter for
    him. Once you accept that fact I promise it will help you feel
    less stressed and confused.

    Meanwhile, I'm saying a prayer. DDD
     
  5. amstrong

    amstrong New Member

    Sending hugs and positive thoughts to you!
     
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Ah Melissa.

    Addicts make a living out of fooling people. I did it for years. But it was never doing it "to" someone. It was because I could not grasp the concept.

    I first got clean when I was 19. I stayed sober for 5 years. Well, not really. I stayed SOBER for about 3 years, then DRY for another 2. Then I relapsed. I didn't get clean again for another TEN years. Now I am going on four years sober. And my mom raised my older child as well for most of her life.

    I find comfort in the fact that she is back in treatment so quickly. My prayers are with her. They are with you and that baby too. It takes a special grandma to raise a baby like this.

    PS I thought of you last Sunday. Tink had her cheerleading competition. Her dance cheer was to "Walk This Way".
     
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Oh Melissa, I can only imagine how you feel. I am so sorry for the letdown. Like you, I'm going to have to remember that it's difficult child's life, not mine (referring to my oldest difficult child, the one previously addicted to Meth). Who has the ownership of that "relapse"? She did it to herself Melissa. I hope one day she will be sick and tired of it and be ready to live a new life.

    hugs and care to you and baby J,
    lovemysons
     
  8. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    continue to walk beside her, not in charge and not behind. support her efforts, lend an open ear, love her baby for her. I am sorry but I think you know you are going to raise that child and she is not ready to be a mom in anyway. maybe never. but you are a great one so on you go!
     
  9. TYLERFAN

    TYLERFAN New Member

    I loved hearing from all of you I missed you all more than I can say. :kisses:
    Guess what?? I ran right after writing this , this morning, to the courthouse and filed a petition for full custody and supervised visitations...... :smile:
    I had to.....my mom thinks I reacted to hard. DF told me to call the lawyer and was gonna pay who knows what to keep Baby J.....I just went and filed it myself after a 5 hour wait at family court. :hypnosis:
    I know I have taken the right action. :angel:
    It still hurts.

    More tonight....

    Thanks you guys....

    P.S. DDD my friend.....you keep telling me he is "mine" and to stop thinking of myself as grandma......but as mom? He only knows mom is the "crazy lady" that visits sometimes...... :flower: I think I finally get it :smile:

    Blessings,
    Melissa
     
  10. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    good job!
     
  11. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Oh thank you I am so sorry for all the ups and downs, I think when then go up and down like this it makes the downs that much harder. Each time we really hope that this is going to be the time the get it. She is darn lucky to have you in her life to take care of baby J. That is what your role is in all of this, you cant help her but you can take care of this baby boy and keep him safe and away from her lifestyle, you are saving him. She needs to save herself.

    Grace
     
  12. Ally

    Ally New Member

    Good job!! You did the right thing in my mind. This child needs a stable home and you are it.

    Ally
     
  13. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    :crying: I'm sorry you are sad Melissa. difficult child relapsing is a shock and a disappointment.

    On the other hand....you'r getting married soon and you are mama to baby J. His mom may not be ready to be mom, but you are mama and mama is what he needs.
     
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs Melissa. Im sorry for your daughter but she is a grown up now and has to take care of herself. Baby J is what is important now and he needs you. Im glad he has you. Im also glad you have him.
     
  15. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Hi,
    I'm so sorry for the heartbreak. Each thing in your life one at a time will work out-the wedding, you will look for a job. Your not just doing nothing- Look you decided to file, waited for 5 hours, and did it. Baby J is safe, you are doing all you can to make sure -thats your number one priority and , youre doing a good job taking care of him. You daughter is in treatment right now, so shes doing all she can. We can't do it for them. Like ant's mom says. (((((hug))))-Alyssa
     
  16. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    I'm so sorry about the relapse. I know how devastated you must be.

    (((((HUGS)))))
     
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Way To Go, Melissa. DDD
     
  18. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    :warrior: So sorry for your pain my friend.

    You are in my heart :angel:

    Peace
     
  19. KFld

    KFld New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ant'smom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">continue to walk beside her, not in charge and not behind. support her efforts, lend an open ear, love her baby for her. I am sorry but I think you know you are going to raise that child and she is not ready to be a mom in anyway. maybe never. but you are a great one so on you go! </div></div>

    I think that is the best advice. She did get right back into detox which to me is a good sign that she wants this, but just doesn't quite know how to do it yet. I'll keep praying that she figures it out soon.
     
  20. mattsmom27

    mattsmom27 Active Member

    I sit in awe of you Melissa. You are an inspiration and you are a mama, too your difficult child and to your grandbaby. I am sorry to hear your difficult child hasnt' "gotten it". I will pray for her sake, yours and her son's that she DOES get it one day. In the meantime, I am proud of you for going and applying for a new court hearing. I believe you know in your heart that it is in the baby's best interest to be with you permenantly. Supervised visits? Absolutely. Maybe down the line difficult child will prove herself and that can change. For now, it is not about what difficult child wants but what that innocent baby NEEDS. I know this has got to be incredibly difficult for you as a mom and a gramma. Again I repeat, I am in awe of you. You inspire me. You inspire others. You are a remarkable womand you both your daughter and your grand baby are very lucky to have you.
     
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