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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 332704" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>OK, here's where you and I would have handed this differently. Maybe it's because our kids are different - I don't know. But we get this attitude a lot from difficult child 3. Used to get it at times from the others (easy child 2/difficult child 2 mostly).</p><p></p><p>What I figured - a lot of this apparent attitude is coming from anxiety. It really does come across as extreme rudeness. But I don't bite. I don't buy into it. I won't wear it. But neither will I let it get to me, either. I will look at the FACTS of the matter and keep the tone of voice, manner etc right out of it. FOR NOW.</p><p></p><p>In this case - I might have gone with him to buy new wiper blades, which he would have to pay for somehow. OK if it comes out of his savings. If it's too much hassle to sort out through his savings immediately, then I would pay for it then make him sit down at the computer and do an Internet bank transfer. HE does it. Me looking over his shoulder. And that gets me seeing the level of his account.</p><p></p><p>Now, as for his blowing that check - HE did that. The natural consequences - HIS account is down. One day that will sink in and he WILL value what you have been trying to do for him. I know, because with this sort of stuff, I went through it with difficult child 1. He was useless with money and would rapidly empty out his account if things weren't set up exactly right. And yes, he would argue and argue if he wanted me to help him get money out. We had it set up so he needed two signatures to access his locked-away savings.</p><p></p><p>Now it's time to go back to his insults. Right before you hand over the wiper blades, the money to get them or whatever - you look him in the eye and say, "Now, what was it you were saying before about me being a bad mother? Would you like to reconsider at this point in time?"</p><p></p><p>Yes, it's blackmail. But all's fair in love and war. And this is both.</p><p></p><p>I NEVER react back when my kids are rude to me. I don't give back what they are dishing out. I simply carry on being a loving parent, but I make sure their words come back to haunt them.</p><p></p><p>I don't bite. But I'm no doormat, either.</p><p></p><p>Considering how the older three are going, I think this has been working for me. But I know it isn't easy to do, because husband still struggles with it. As a result of husband still struggling, difficult child 3 gets angry with him and says the meanest things about husband and it's not fair. But the more husband learns to play this game, the more it is working.</p><p></p><p>It does take time, but I can assure you, it is a worthwhile investment.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 332704, member: 1991"] OK, here's where you and I would have handed this differently. Maybe it's because our kids are different - I don't know. But we get this attitude a lot from difficult child 3. Used to get it at times from the others (easy child 2/difficult child 2 mostly). What I figured - a lot of this apparent attitude is coming from anxiety. It really does come across as extreme rudeness. But I don't bite. I don't buy into it. I won't wear it. But neither will I let it get to me, either. I will look at the FACTS of the matter and keep the tone of voice, manner etc right out of it. FOR NOW. In this case - I might have gone with him to buy new wiper blades, which he would have to pay for somehow. OK if it comes out of his savings. If it's too much hassle to sort out through his savings immediately, then I would pay for it then make him sit down at the computer and do an Internet bank transfer. HE does it. Me looking over his shoulder. And that gets me seeing the level of his account. Now, as for his blowing that check - HE did that. The natural consequences - HIS account is down. One day that will sink in and he WILL value what you have been trying to do for him. I know, because with this sort of stuff, I went through it with difficult child 1. He was useless with money and would rapidly empty out his account if things weren't set up exactly right. And yes, he would argue and argue if he wanted me to help him get money out. We had it set up so he needed two signatures to access his locked-away savings. Now it's time to go back to his insults. Right before you hand over the wiper blades, the money to get them or whatever - you look him in the eye and say, "Now, what was it you were saying before about me being a bad mother? Would you like to reconsider at this point in time?" Yes, it's blackmail. But all's fair in love and war. And this is both. I NEVER react back when my kids are rude to me. I don't give back what they are dishing out. I simply carry on being a loving parent, but I make sure their words come back to haunt them. I don't bite. But I'm no doormat, either. Considering how the older three are going, I think this has been working for me. But I know it isn't easy to do, because husband still struggles with it. As a result of husband still struggling, difficult child 3 gets angry with him and says the meanest things about husband and it's not fair. But the more husband learns to play this game, the more it is working. It does take time, but I can assure you, it is a worthwhile investment. Marg [/QUOTE]
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