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Open Topic - Preserving our easy child Relationships
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 30133" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Wiped Out</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I haven't had time to read all the responses. My easy child has definitely struggled having a difficult child brother. I think there is a lot of anger and hurt. We have her in therapy due to having difficult child for a brother. I think at some level she understands he is ill but on another level she has suffered and it's hard. </div></div></p><p></p><p>Wiped out, I completely understand. My biggest problem with my easy child is that she doesn't understand that there are some behaviours with my difficult child that are beyond our control at the moment. She doesn't undserstand why we "tolerate" something when he does it, but get upset when she does the same thing.</p><p></p><p>I've had to be more brutal and truthful than I wanted, but I had to admit to easy child that we made mistakes with her brother - mistakes that aren't easily undone, and are now made worse by his own poor choices and actions.</p><p></p><p>However, the fact that we can't do anything about his behaviours doesn't mean we condone them, nor does it mean that we'll let her get away with them as well "just to be even". It's the old two wrongs don't make a right, argument.</p><p></p><p>So far, she's buying it, but she's also still young enough to have some significant control over right now. When she's older, I worry that she'll have learned the fine art of manipulation from her brother, "learning at the feet of the master".</p><p></p><p>So preserving my relationship with my easy child is a delicate balance between trying to have a "normal" relationship with her, but not allowing the evil essence of difficult child-ness to creep in and taint her. I call a spade a spade, and so far that works.</p><p></p><p>YMMV, though.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 30133, member: 3579"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Wiped Out</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I haven't had time to read all the responses. My easy child has definitely struggled having a difficult child brother. I think there is a lot of anger and hurt. We have her in therapy due to having difficult child for a brother. I think at some level she understands he is ill but on another level she has suffered and it's hard. </div></div> Wiped out, I completely understand. My biggest problem with my easy child is that she doesn't understand that there are some behaviours with my difficult child that are beyond our control at the moment. She doesn't undserstand why we "tolerate" something when he does it, but get upset when she does the same thing. I've had to be more brutal and truthful than I wanted, but I had to admit to easy child that we made mistakes with her brother - mistakes that aren't easily undone, and are now made worse by his own poor choices and actions. However, the fact that we can't do anything about his behaviours doesn't mean we condone them, nor does it mean that we'll let her get away with them as well "just to be even". It's the old two wrongs don't make a right, argument. So far, she's buying it, but she's also still young enough to have some significant control over right now. When she's older, I worry that she'll have learned the fine art of manipulation from her brother, "learning at the feet of the master". So preserving my relationship with my easy child is a delicate balance between trying to have a "normal" relationship with her, but not allowing the evil essence of difficult child-ness to creep in and taint her. I call a spade a spade, and so far that works. YMMV, though. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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