Opinion please...should I keep looking?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by STILLjustamom, Jun 18, 2007.

  1. STILLjustamom

    STILLjustamom New Member

    I am in the process of trying to find a psychiatrist and psychologist (or other therapist) for C when he is released in July. He says he only wants women doctors (not sure why). I made an appointment with a psychiatrist already (6 weeks wait so good thing I booked that one now). I met with a psychologist today who has done a lot of work with sex offenders, inmates, etc. After hearing his story and reading through a bit of his diagnosis (BiPolar (BP) II and ASPD) she said his prognosis is "grim". My jaw sort of dropped when she said that word. So did my heart.
    She said he should not live with us at all but if he had to, that we should make a contract with him to move out within 90 days. I told her he has always had trouble holding a job (27 to be exact) and that the prospects for him being able to work were iffy at best. She said then he could apply for SSDI but that it was a sad way to live. I know she is right in that respect but it almost seems as if she seeing defeat without even knowing him. She wants to meet with husband and me before he gets out and then with C probably twice a week and in group. What do you think? Should I keep looking? She is quite far away from where we live. It is just that comment that made me leary.
  2. Scent of Cedar I

    Scent of Cedar I New Member

    Still, if you have a 211 number in your area (here, that is the information and referral number), they may be able to help you. (You just dial 211. If they answer, you have such a service in your state. If they don't answer, then you probably don't have it.) Next, look in the Social Services section of your government blue pages. If there is an information and referral service listed, contact them with your questions. If neither of those will work for you, look through your yellow pages under crisis centers. There will often be 24 hour hotline numbers there. One of them may be able to refer you to something in your area.

    I would not put any stock in the "grim" prognosis. It is possible this woman was trying to help you back away before your son is released.

    It would be best to let him stand alone.

    Have you contacted your county's Social Services agency for referrals already?

    That might be another thing you could try.

    Wishing well, Still.


  3. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I ran across one person that I thought helped my son and our situation after many hrs of wasted breath in my opinion with so many others in different fields.

    My easy child is talking to a Cw (I think that is her title) She has been wonderful for easy child.

    I would go with my gut feeling. There are many times I wish I had walked out when I had the same questioning feelings.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    SJAM, Im sorry you had to hear that from her but I pretty much feel the same way she does about the prognosis for people like our kids with that diagnosis. Cory carries the same diagnosis. I know that his future is grim and uncertain unless he chooses to do something about it. I cant force him.

    The outlook for ASPD is horrible. There is almost no treatment that will work unless the person truly wants to change and most with that PD dont think they have a problem! I dont want to say that I have completely given up hope but Im about 85% there. I still hold on to that 15% thinking one day he may see the light.

    In my opinion getting a psychiatrist who deals with ASPD and inmates would be so beneficial that I think I could live with what she said...unless you can find someone else closer. Treating a personality disorder is much harder than just medicating bipolar.
  5. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I dont like that she has been so discouraging already. is there anyone else you can try?
  6. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Something smells fishy to me.

    why does difficult child only want women therapists? does he think he can manipulate them? is he thinking he's manipulating you?

    if difficult child has had numerous jobs and can't hold them, and the ASPD is true, then maybe difficult child should not be living with you all for very long, in my humble opinion, but actively trying to get disability and a very small part time job. A grim life yes, but a life outside of a prison/jail.

    There has to be some sort of community program, somewhere, that can help. Is there an exoffender program that will help with housing and job skills? Is there a NAMI near you?

    what about vocational rehab?

    I'm sorry, I guess I'm more afraid for you than I am for difficult child. It just sounded to me like manipulation and it got my defensive side up and running.
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I do hope that you will find someone who isn't so negative. I agree that hopes for his future are not bright, but you'd rather see someone who is at least offering somewhat more helpful suggestions. It's up to him to take them or not.

    I would also be reluctant to have him at home. It's a shame that they are just releasing him with no preparation to get going in society.
  8. STILLjustamom

    STILLjustamom New Member

    I appreciate everyones opinion. It is a tough call for me. husband is not really involved in the process. He just expects me to "handle it". Witz, it is sad that there is no preparation for people like this who are being released. What's worse is that he is going straight from isolation (23 hrs a day in a cell) to the outside world. No step down process...nothing.
    My home has been so peaceful for the past 2 years. I was talking with easy child last night and she said "Yes, isn't it nice that he was gone during my senior year, so I could enjoy it". Sad but true.
    husband, easy child and I get along pretty well and none of us is looking forward to going backwards.
    Janet, I sometimes wonder about the antisocial diagnosis they did on him inside. Sort of have a feeling that they think all inmates have it, a standard diagnosis. But he does have many of the features. He loves animals though and I have seen him be very thoughtful to people in the past, such as giving his clothes to friends, calling a neighbor when her dogs were lose, things like that.
    I just want someone who will help restore his crushed self esteme, but at the same time I think I am going to need help being tough. I'm going to keep looking I think..
  9. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I have to say I agree with what she said about him not living at home. I think he/or someone, should be looking into some type of halfway house environment. I think he's just going to fall right back into his old habits by coming back home. The comment easy child made about being glad he was home for his Senior year should help you make that decision.

    I do not like the comment she made about his prognosis being grim. When my difficult child first got involved in the juvenile court system when he was like 12 or 13, because of a paintball incident, the judge ordered him to counseling. We made an appointment for him to see a women who told my husband and I after just meeting with him a few times that "some kids are just destined to end up in jail". We left, I went home and called the facility and told them he would not be coming back and revoked any authorizations I had signed to allow her to release any information on him and we found someone else for him to go to. You know what the funniest part is, the facility this women worked at is the outpatient mental health facility that I work at now, and she is no longer here. This way way before I got a job here, but she was here when I first started and everytime I saw her I cringed. I could not believe someone who was supposed to help and support people could make that kind of comment.

    I think your gut is telling you this is not a good person for your son to see, so I would follow your gut and find someone else. I know from where I work that there are many counselors who aren't worth the office room they take up, and there are others who are fantastic at what they do. It's just not always easy finding the right one.

    Good Luck!! Follow your gut :smile:
  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I also wondered why he just wants female psychiatrists. I had the same thought as the poster who suggested that he thought he could better manipulate them. In answer to the question of continuing to search. If you are not comfortable with this person then search for someone you feel would be a better fit. I had two professionals tell me that the prognosis for my difficult child was bleak. Neither one was telling me anything I didn't already know and each one did their best to help my difficult child and my family. I think they just wanted to prepare me for the possibility of exactly what I ended up having to deal with. -RM
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    SJAM...Cory fits the diagnosis for ASPD pretty well but he still has a ton of empathy under certain situations. He cares a lot about me and his family. He loves us. He also adores his baby girl and is really good with her. He is great with little kids. They adore him.

    Just because someone is ASPD doesnt mean that they are the next Ted Bundy. That would be like saying because I have borderline I would toss a grenade into a tent with my fellow soldiers like that guy did in Iraq. Supposedly he was borderline. I have more compassion and caring than that. Im also much less manipulative than the "normal" borderline.

    Moving out could be good for him after a short time. We are seeing a lot of growth in Cory since he moved out. He is figuring out that he doesnt like having other people do to him what he used to do to us. Hmmm.
  12. wife of taxman

    wife of taxman New Member

    I agree with lots of people. Get another opinion. Even if her prognosis of 'grim' is correct, you need to have another opinion to confirm or deny. I also agree with questioning why he wanted a female. I would get a male and see what the male said, then maybe get another female. I am of the opinion that you can never get too many opinions. You wouldn't have major surgery without a second opinion, so don't rely on just one opinion now.
  13. STILLjustamom

    STILLjustamom New Member

    I'm glad I waited because I spoke with a therapist yesterday who seemed much more of a "fit". I will meet with her on Friday. She said something interesting about the antisocial pers.disorder...she said it is believed that often times the anger that comes from that is due to fear/anxiety. I can see that. Anyway she is going to help me explore other options for him, such as outpatient treatment at a hospital. I hope it will be a productive meeting and husband says he will get involved also.
    I don't know if he is really wanting a woman because he feels he can manipulate them or not. I think if that is what he is thinking, he is in for a rude awakening! :smile:
    Yes, having him move out at some point would be great...I just am hoping he will be stable when that happens. I don't want him out and wandering in the mental state he is in. He would end up homeless I'm sure.
  14. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    glad you waited! there are always other choices out there!