Having recently stepped out of your shoes (one foot precariously hanging in the air) I can tell you that:
1 - The kids know that something is up. They know when you're angry with him and why, even if you don't verbally voice your feelings to SO. Kids are incredibly perceptive and they KNOW when something is not right.
*As to your comment about loving him and worshipping him - well, yes, if most of the time he's a good dad and attentive and loving and provides for them, then it's only natural they love him. For all practical purposes, he is their full time dad. However, they probably do not like what his drinking does to you, as well as what it does to him and how it affects their lives.
2 - If he is a life long drinker and mixes booze with pills he seriously needs help. Pleading and threatening him are not going to fix that.
3 - The first natural thought is to wonder if he's cheating on you...did he pull an all nighter because he's in some skanky barfly's arms? More than likely he's not. He's just a sloppy drunken sot passed out in his own vehicle, possibly even pis.sing himself. Not a very romantic vision, is it?
4 - You can make it on your own. In the short term, it will be incredibly hard work and require a lot of patience and support from friends and family. But in the long term, you will be better for the hard work and peace of mind that comes from knowing you will not tolerate living in such dire circumstances.
I left my exh because he was abusing pot and cocaine. It was the most difficult time of my life, yet I have never regretted it.
I remarried 11 years ago to a man who is a great father to my daughters, he works hard, he's generous and funny and kind hearted and handsome to boot! My dds' adore him and easy child in particular would have hand picked him as her dad if she could have.
Last year, I made the decision to leave my current H due to his drinking. He didn't get drunk all the time, he didn't pull all-nighters all the time, he wasn't cheating, and he wasn't abusive on alcohol. NO, he was emotionally abusive because of the alcohol and because of his belief that by my asking him to stop I was impinging on one of his personal rights & freedoms. Ha -
After one last night of driving home wasted after being out all night drinking and crashing on his friend's couch, I kicked him out. I told him that I was done. That if he continued to drink, we were over. And I knew before I said it that my life would be in store for some hard times, especially going into the holiday season and also because my easy child had just started college - but I didn't think about that. All I kept thinking was that I needed clarity in my life, peace of mind in knowing that I'd never have to deal with his filthy alcoholic behaviors. And also because I needed my children to see that his behavior was not normal or acceptable in our lives. I perish the thought that they should ever have to go through something like this. He comes from a long line of alcoholics so it's no surprise that he is one. I come from a long line of alcoholics as well, so it's no surprise that I married two addictive men.
On or around December 1st this year, my H will be sober one full year. I always have that niggling fear that something will make him pick up a beer or a glass of wine. I have curbed my own drinking as a means of support for him, but he says it's fine if I drink. Over the years of fighting about his drinking he would often tell me that if he quit I would also have to quit, which I did a couple of times...but you see, that was his alcoholism talking. He was resentful that I was telling him to quit drinking and he tried to punish me by telling me I was an alcoholic as well. He was playing games. It wasn't until he realized his own true alcoholism and what it was doing to his family that he was finally able to stare it straight in the face and make some changes. Do you know what I mean? Alcoholics, all addicts, are grand manipulators!
I strongly urge you to attend an Al-Anon meeting, or see a personal counselor. You need to garner some strength for yourself and realize that this isn't okay and that a half decent dad is not better than none (for your kids). In fact not having a stepdad is better than having an alcoholic one. Also, if you're going to steal his money when he's wasted, put it aside for an emergency - like you and the kids staying at a motel if need be! Don't waste it on frivolous things - that is childish and punitive (and you don't even derive the benefit of his knowing you took his money!).
Many hugs to you. I pray every day that my H will remain sober. Every single day.
) of course those times after he has passed out, i help myself to some cash in his pockets for something for me and the kids...shameful i know, but i figured if he could waste his money in the bar, then i can waste it on something fun and frivolous for me and the kids...<snicker> he doesn't remember what he had left anyway...as far as what i should do?? i don't know...i love him and i hate him...its just that i am at the point where if i hear the word bar or beer i cringe...when i first met him, i was on the path of becoming like him...i would drink with him all the time...but it got old fast for me..now mabey if i go out i have one drink if at all...when he is sober he realizes that he has a problem then i hear all the words how he is going to change and how me and the kids are the most important thing in the world to him yada yada yada...it seems to me a man's word is S - - - ...
