I posted the following on a thread about new years in the WC. I think I need some support on this and I'm open to tweaking this or advice on specifics. I'm also open to getting help from a therapist about it if one can support the recovery program I had in the past instead of trying to undermine it. But this year, I too have been experiencing the toxic feeling from dysfunctional people and worried about difficult child, etc. After spending the past two nights up half the night crying, I made a resolution for myself and difficult child. Since I have given up on finding a therapist who even understands what I'm talking about or who is able/willing to pick up with the recovery program my old therapist started me on (seems tdocs these days all want to throw anything previous out and do their own thing, which isn't much), I decided to just dig back in on my own. And, I decided that I need to talk to difficult child about this. I hadn't been comfortable about that before because I thought he needed to work on his own issues re. his absent father and coping skills and I did not think he was old enough to have old family issues dumped on his shoulders. But, maybe since he has thrown up to me that I have issues, too, which I always agree with him about that, I decided I don't really have to tell him everything about old family issues- I can however explain dysfunctional families to him and how they pass from generation to generation and that I am trying hard to stop that cycle and am going back to actively working on myself due to this. Maybe at some point I can get him on board to understanding that parts of this need to be worked on as a family, but parts of it are worked on individually and I'm doing my part so he can get a little involved, too. Even with the little I've read so far I can see where even though I thought I had made sure difficult child and I weren't acting codependent or enmeshed (and I still do believe that for the most part), there are "residual" aspects of this that contributed to him being a difficult child and has left him with less than adequate coping skills. Honestly, everything I read about this subject is consistent with what my old therapist told me: most tdocs are just not going to really get this or be onboard with adequate treatment. Never mind that these issues are predominant in so many familes and never mind that there are a ton of books out there on the subject. Maybe dysfunctional families are so common that the tdocs probably came from one too and while they might think they get it because they learned what a textbook said, they sure aren't being very helpful in providing therapy.