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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 428956" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>(((hugs))) Rainbird</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure what the situation is with your daughter. But yes, given time and much practice with detachment, we learn to firmly place the responsibility where it belongs and refocus on our own lives again. It doesn't mean we no longer care or that we never worry, it means we don't let it take over our lives so that we are miserable about a situation we can do nothing about.</p><p></p><p>I know it can be really really rough when you don't see your child for a long period of time. Katie was estranged from the family for many years. It was horrible those first months......but then life continues to go on, and there were other children in the home that needed me, and I had to refocus on myself and on them and let go of what I couldn't change. As time passes it does get easier and you begin to heal. </p><p></p><p>I don't know if your daughter has a diagnosis or not. But even without one........at 18 kids have a tendency for grownupitis and needing to learn some life lessons the hard way before they learn to appreciate us. And that time can be rough for parents who are just learning how to switch from parenting a child to parenting an adult as I'm sure you know. With time and some maturity the situation with your daughter may improve. Odds are it won't always be the way it is now. </p><p></p><p>We've all shared those feelings of failure from time to time. I think it just plain comes with the territory. No parent is perfect, we all make mistakes. We do the best we can. You're not a bad parent. You're doing your best to help your child, even if at this time she won't let you. You're getting help for yourself so that you will be in better shape to help her when she's ready, and to help your younger child if it is ever needed. Honestly? That is the best thing you can do right now. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. Detachment is an ongoing learning process.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 428956, member: 84"] (((hugs))) Rainbird I'm not sure what the situation is with your daughter. But yes, given time and much practice with detachment, we learn to firmly place the responsibility where it belongs and refocus on our own lives again. It doesn't mean we no longer care or that we never worry, it means we don't let it take over our lives so that we are miserable about a situation we can do nothing about. I know it can be really really rough when you don't see your child for a long period of time. Katie was estranged from the family for many years. It was horrible those first months......but then life continues to go on, and there were other children in the home that needed me, and I had to refocus on myself and on them and let go of what I couldn't change. As time passes it does get easier and you begin to heal. I don't know if your daughter has a diagnosis or not. But even without one........at 18 kids have a tendency for grownupitis and needing to learn some life lessons the hard way before they learn to appreciate us. And that time can be rough for parents who are just learning how to switch from parenting a child to parenting an adult as I'm sure you know. With time and some maturity the situation with your daughter may improve. Odds are it won't always be the way it is now. We've all shared those feelings of failure from time to time. I think it just plain comes with the territory. No parent is perfect, we all make mistakes. We do the best we can. You're not a bad parent. You're doing your best to help your child, even if at this time she won't let you. You're getting help for yourself so that you will be in better shape to help her when she's ready, and to help your younger child if it is ever needed. Honestly? That is the best thing you can do right now. Hang in there. Detachment is an ongoing learning process. [/QUOTE]
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