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Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Jan 9, 2009.

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  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    This is our soft place to land............remember friends??? :D

    Whenever any parent posts here, we open our arms to them, and give them all the support & advice we posses. Perhaps the parent's posting have immense ignorance over their child's condition..........or perhaps great wisdom............we will never know unless we have walked a mile in their shoes.

    None the less, what I know US to be, is a board of strong, courageous, loving people that tread without judgment. Let us always remain so.
     
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thank you for posting this Steely. Too many of us have been blamed and harshly judged to tear apart other parents. We all should know better.
     
  3. Ilovemyson

    Ilovemyson Guest

    I have been avoiding posting because I have not had anything nice to say lately. Mostly due to my own issues going on and not wanting to bring down or post anything that would upset anyone. I read, but then I try to respond and it comes out bad, so I don't post it. I think about everyone here daily.

    I have been seeing alot of different posts about people being rude and I have been so upset by that, considering what all of us have had to deal with our own children. So that has also been a reason that I have not been posting, because I would have said something in anger that I would regret.

    I will post updates later!
     
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thank you, Steely!! You bring back insight when things are drifting away....
     
  5. compassion

    compassion Member

    Thanks!!! Beautifully put!!! Compassion
     
  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'm not sure what prompted this, but the above is what I see from members. So, I'm not sure what this thread is about.

    However, some things are just wrong and it would be a great disservice to just gloss over that.

    I feel judged every time a member tells me I need to force my daughter to take medications. (And there have been several.) They don't know my daughter and it's ultimately my decision. I don't let it get to me and I don't whine about it. I'm a big girl and I can handle it. If I couldn't, I wouldn't post.

    Are we just supposed to sit on our hands for fear of offending someone's sensibilities instead of sharing our point of view? If that's what we're about, we might as well point everyone to their mirror when they want to vent.
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, I think Steely and Heather are both right.

    I think the best way is to be true to yourself, tell it like it is, BUT, with-a spoonful of sugar, so to speak. So instead of saying, "You idiotic nimcompoop!" :) (I love that word) we could say, "Have you ever thought of taking your difficult child to the dr.? I took mine to a child psychiatric and and got a diagnosis and we're doing much better."
    IOW, just couch it in gentle terms, but still say it.

    You know when you go into a store and there's the negative sales clerk, and then the one who's fantastic at customer svc?
    "No. We don't have any more." (I hate it when they say that.)
    Versus ...
    "I'd be happy to show that to you in another color. I'm sorry to say that we no longer have that exact item. Let's go see."

    I hope that makes sense.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2009
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Terry

    Good job!! :)
     
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Heather, I think there's a fine line. I could say that X worked for my family and you might want to look into it for your family. Another tactic is to say "if I were in your shoes I'd...". But we need to respect each other and understand that what works in one family may very well not work in another. We shouldn't hammer away at each other.

    We also need to be aware that the great majority of our newest members are particularly vulnerable to excessive criticism. And some lurkers may never take a chance and post because they fear judgement, blame and ridicule.

    We avoid conversations about politics and religion because they are so inflammatory. These conversations ultimately take away from the mission of this board. Many people are hurt when generalizations and blanket statements are thrown around. We can end up drawing lines between us... we become us and them.
     
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member

    oh boy i'm adding my 3 cents lol.

    Alot of ppl say "well, that's how I talk, tha'Tourette's Syndrome how I am" in regards to their comments, remarks or responses.

    Now, for those of us who have been here a while we get it. Yet for those as tiredmommy just said are new they do not get it.

    Also, fact of the matter is we are all amazingly intelligent and intuitive woman and we have a few cool men out there and I know that everyone wants to chose their words carefully and using phrases like "I have learned from my experience......" is a good one because we all do care otherwise we wouldn't waste hours infront of our computers.

    Plus let's face it we are in cyber land, we do not get to see facial expressions, body language, which is a huge percentage of communication between ppl. So, it's really important that everyone speaks from their heart, and speaks gently. I don't think anyone should ever not express their opinion.

    But I gotta be honest, a year ago when i came in it was just all good. Last few mos it's been a bit bumpy. I don't really think anyone should even address the entire board regarding the overall board unless a mod approves to be honest. Maybe i'm just nuts, and steely you know your the best nothing bad against you.

    ok running into my corner. :) :peaceful:
     
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    TM, again, that's what I see on our board. For the large part, I don't see people coming out and hammering away at people.

    So, I guess I'm thinking about was said to me when I posted about what we call our difficult child's (minor) friends...why the board lecture when you could instead notify the member whose post was offensive?
     
  12. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Thanks, we all need to be reminded, sometimes, that we are here to help each other.
    The fact that sometimes we type before we think may be partially related to the fact that a lot of us DO feel comfortable here. We say things we would say to our friends; not that we would say to people we don't know so well. But it is easy to misinterpret what is on the written page. When you don't also have facial expressions and body language to go along with what you say, there are times when things don't come out exactly as we thought they did. And, let's face it, a lot of people here are under incredible stress. Not an excuse; just a fact.
    I still think this is a fantastic place and I appreciate all of you whether you agree with me or not. Just hearing your opinions is helpful, even if I don't always share them 100%.
    Thanks to all of you.
     
  13. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    It's not a lecture... but a clarification so maybe members will understand where the mods are coming from. I'm sorry you perceived it that way.
     
  14. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    I agree with TM.
    We, on this site, have never seen anything positive come from discussions on religion or politics. It never ends well. There are many sites that welcome those topics. Use them.
    This is a site for parents with difficult children. The watercooler forum is a gift. It allows for a little down time. It's wise to use it the way it has been set up to be used.
    Truthfully, who cares if you tell it like it is. Your "like it is" is different from mine. I don't care what your political thoughts are or your religious thoughts. It's private and personal. You every right to them. Don't know why there is a need to broad cast it. Is this a need for validation?

    When heated topics evolve there is a drive to get the last word and to win. It serves no purpose whatsoever. Never did. Never will. I have never seen one member change their opinion. Not one member said "oh confrontational member, I see your point and I respectfully will change mine to reflect yours" Don't you have better things to do?

    I have a difficult son, a somewhat lost son, a sick mom, a sick dog and hurricane ravaged house. I really don't want to come to the site day after day to read disagreeable posts that have nothing to do with difficult children. Let's get back to the reason we are here.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2009
  15. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Now I'm confused. Steely started a general thread about compassion. How did it turn into all about politics and religion? Or are we only talking about one thread in particular veiled in a thread about compassion?

    Because if we are talking about only that thread, it's in really bad taste.
     
  16. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Heather, there's been an antagonistic feeling overcoming the board lately. My comments on politics and religion were made in this thread because those topics almost always lead to trouble. The other portion has to do with how members respond to other parents when discussing difficult child-issues.
     
  17. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    TM, I wasn't referring to just you. But, Fran has since modified her post to add something not so related to politics and religion.
     
  18. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    And there's a problem with that?
     
  19. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    My problem is that this thread seems to boil down to politics and religion and that is not the impression I got from Steely. It seems to have boiled down to chastising a single member for a single thread. It's easy to see and to do that publicly is in really bad taste.
     
    Lasted edited by : Jan 9, 2009
  20. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Who exactly has been chastised?
     
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