Out of control 10yr need advice

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Dzorbis, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. Dzorbis

    Dzorbis What day is it today?

    This is my first time posting, and as everyone says and tries I will try to keep it simple and not too long.

    I am a single mother of two, my daughter SZ is 17 and my son OZ is 10. My son is where I am losing my mind. Both my kids have been diagnosed with some PTSD, this is from back in 2009. I had out patient back surgery in October and 3 weeks later sent SZ to school, dropped OZ at daycare and had my girlfriend take me to the er as I was in severe pain and had green stuff coming out of the incision in my lower back. I was admitted to the hospital with an MRSA infection in my spine 10 cm deep and 8 cm wide. It was touch and go for a few days. I was in the hospital 17 days, then home with homecare nurses for the next 3 months and it took me the next 7 months to be able to walk without assistance. But life as my family knew it was over. I was in pain 24/7 taking pills all the time and unable to do things I used to do.

    My son seemed to take it the worst. He would cry and have to be taken from me to be put to bed and he started refusing to go to daycare. One day he really didn't want to go and he knocked over a chair at the daycare. They told him if he kept acting like that he would be sent home, now realize he was 5 at this time in preschool, so when he heard that he did it again. So they called to have him sent home. He was very happy about this. He didn't care if he got in trouble at home, he learned that day that bad behavior can get him what he wants. He pulled this type of behavior so many times, that by the time he was in kindergarten we had to request that they never mention sending him home if he was acting out, as that would normally be the reason why.

    In kindergarten he decided he didn't like doing class work. So he would argue with the teacher and get her off topic so much she was having issues teaching. He had to be separated from the rest of the kids as he was a distraction for everyone. By the end of the school year the school wanted him to be tested for the gifted program as he was just too smart for his own good. On the test where 150 is genius he scored 146 on one part and 132 on another. The school psychologist called me the evening after the test because she said it was unusual, when I asked why, she said he scored very high but he wasn't trying. She thinks of he had it would have been higher.

    Over the last 4 years it has gotten worse. He has put holes in the walls, refuses to shower, steals money, steals food and hides the evidence in his room. Hits his sister, hits my girlfriend, he hit me a few times, I called the police but they said all they could do was talk to him at 7/8 years old. He has been suspended multiple times for throwing things at school, yelling at teachers, he doesn't do school work, he has F's on his report card except in art and music. He hit a teacher once, that was when I had him at a special school for kids with behavioral problems and psychiatric problems. He has been in therapy but either just lies or refuses to talk.

    We had a licensed behavioral analyst come to the home along with a family therapist and that's when they diagnosed him with PTSD from when I left him and went in the hospital and also ODD.

    Now he is 10 yrs, 5ft 3in, 150lbs has a nasty temper and still refuses to do anything he considers work. Now my doctor, who is not his but his wife is friendly with me, was asking about him as we just moved back to our hometown after being gone for 3 years, and he suggested I talk to my sons doctor about putting him on Intuniv. He said it was put out for ADHD, but that it is the only drug that is also known to help with ODD. I am hoping someone on here might have some experience with that medication without taking others with it, or maybe some advice that I could try. I am at the point where I am willing to try medication as I can't afford to keep fixing the damage he is doing to my home from his temper.

    Love and hugs to all of you who have struggled before me,
    P.S. I am fully disabled now living on social security stemming from that dreadful surgery in 2009
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Nothing can take back the disability, sadly. And it impacted your little one a lot. I'd get an keep him in therapy and get therapy for yourself too. It is hard to go from functional in all ways to disabled and you matter too...your mental health will help HIS mental health. I am so sorry you had that back surgery and it did not work.

    Prayers and love in your direction. Be good to you. You are disabled...differently abled now...but you have the rest of your life ahead of you and can live a productive life and your son will benefit seeing you do it. Maybe it will show him if you can do it, he can too.

    Good luck and keep us posted. We are always here for support. We are even here on Christmas and thanksgiving. Don't give up on yourself due to your disability. There are things you can do the help others, even if you can't walk well. I voluhteered a lot and many in wheelchairs helped out and were assets.

    Be nice to you. You deserve it. A bad break doesn't change your goodness or your worth. As one of disability for neurological differences and cognitive differences too it took me forever to realize I can do a lot to help the community and be a good mom to my kids and be a loving wife to my husband. My disabilities can't zap everyhing from me.
  3. Allan-Matlem

    Allan-Matlem Active Member

    Really tough situation. Yourkid sounds very bright so he needs to ' connect ' and ' bond' with an older brother , mentor , buddy etc Also try to just connect with him , general chatting like with a friend sharing perspectives, concerns etc. Having positive adults or young adults, older teenagers in his life where he can be safe and connect to his true inner good self is in my humble opinion the way to go. The medication route is not an easy route ,also you would need his cooperation . I recommend checking out the http://livesinthebalance.org - DR Ross Greene on how to collaborate with your kid and solve problems. Focus on relationship so he can see you also as a person who has needs and feelings and that he feels understood and cared for . This is very hard and messy , eduation is process - takes time