Out of control mentally unstable 16 year old

[BusynMember]

Tamlkt, the day we found out what this boy had done and was still doing to our kids, he was gone. We never saw him again. We could not do that to our other children (they were adopted too, by the way, we have nothing against adoption). In fact, we loved helping until this incident and then were scared off forever.

Obviously this boy was seriously mistreated and abused in his birth home and many foster settings, but we had not caused it and my other kids could not pay the price for the sins of those who ruined this boy's life. He had to go and our kids had to see that we were not going to align ourselves with him.

A few months later the county charged him with sexual assault to a minor, although HE was a minior (13 by then), but he was over six years older, which makes it a crime. We had nothing to do with charging him. He was found guilty and had to sign up as a sex offender. I don't know if he still does. If so, he isn't doing it because we checked.

The eerie part is that because we legally adopted him before we knew what he was doing, he still uses our last name. We have seen his FB. He also had a relationship and had two baby girls with stops my heart. Fortunately, I believe she left him and took the babies with her.

We are too afraid of him to get involved or warn anyone about him and we don't want him to k now where we have moved. He is over six feet tall now.

 

[Tamlkt]

I'm sorry to hear this and it makes my heart hurt. You did the right thing by protecting your children from further harm. I'm sorry this happened to you and your family. I want to prevent further damage to mind of the things I may or may not know about. If that made sense.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I feel sad for her and want her to get the help she desperately needs, before its too late.

Unfortunately, it probably IS already too late - at least, too late for her to ever live in a "normal" family setting. She should never have been turned over to your care in the first place. The system generally expects the natural parent to take over a kid like this... and abandon their current relationship and any other children. This is not fair, but in some places it happens on a regular basis.

She needs a residential setting designed specifically to handle relationship-disordered kids.

It's not fair. To you, to her, to your kids, your husband, or to ANYBODY, for that matter.

 

[Bunny]

I agree that not allowing her back into your home is best for everyone involved. If she does have to come back, I agree with you that you can not leave your other children home alone with her. I never, ever leave my Easy Child home with Difficult Child if there isn't another adult in the house, and I'm not dealing with what you're dealing with.

 

[Tamlkt]

We did what we thought was best. Now we are awaiting for a call from child services.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Sending good thoughts your way. Hope they see the situation in it's true light and provide what all of you are needing...

 

[Tamlkt]

Thank you to everyone on here. Special thank you to SomewhereOutThere for taking the time to do so much chatting. It helped me a lot. I've read the many posts to my husband. They are so heartbreaking at the same time so informative. So thank you.

 

[Tamlkt]

Sending good thoughts your way. Hope they see the situation in it's true light and provide what all of you are needing...

Thank you. I'm thankful for this forum. It's a lot to handle by one family.

 

[BusynMember]

Tamlkt, keep posting to let us know how it is going. You are not being bad parents. You are protecting those who need it and getting stepdaughter into a setting where she can be helped the most. It is easier for non-involved people to help our most disturbed kids.

In the meantime, you are good people trying to do the right thing for all and don't let ANYBODY tell you otherwise.

I don't want anyone to go through what we did, so I share, but each time it is hard. But it is worth it if it saves a few kids from abusive siblings.

Hugs and best wishes to you.

 

[susiestar]

I am so very PROUD of you and your husband for refusing to take her back. PLEASE, no matter what they say or do, REFUSE to take her back. Personally I would terminate contact with her. I would do my best to get a restraining order as she shows signs of being a psychopath and a danger to you and your pets (not sure court cares about pets.).

Some years back I said something that was very helpful in getting the judge, therapists, a nd social workers to understand my position on certain things with my kids, and I think it might be helpful to you: "We reuse to sacrifice our other children and our family on the altar of our oldest child's disorders, problems and poor choices."

Until I said that, absolutely NO ONE even THOUGHT about our other kids. It was ridiculous, but the safety of our other kids didn't MATTER until a major problem with them occurred, and then they would take the other kids because they were not as disturbed and were easier to place!

Refuse to sacrifice your other children more than you already have. It is sad and disturbing, but once your other kids, esp the younger one, are positive that they are truly safe, they will start to tell you things that happened that you have zero clue about. Things that the disturbed child did to them, esp to the younger of your kids, and things she said about how you knew and were oka ywith it. These are insidious, and the entire family ill nee ongoing thrapy for quite some time.

I am sorry this is so hard and damaging, but you are doing the right thing by not taking her home with you.

 

[Tamlkt]

Hello everyone. DCF came over last night under an open investigation of abandonment due to leaving her there. They have offered to send her into a 2 week program as long as we agreed to take her home after that. They are also trying to get her into another program for when she is released. There will be rules to follow and the police will be called as necessary. However, my husband and I agree that if she does anything dangerous, she will not be allowed to stay and we will do what we have to do. I'm hoping this will work, but hoping and happening are two different things. I will call the 16 year old AM. AM's mother decided to refile for sole custody and we received that paperwork last night. Anyhow, she was charged with child neglect, physical abuse and emotional abuse by DCF. Let me tell you, if she would attend counseling and help herself, I would be more than glad for her to go back to her mother's. I'm hoping we can help her in time before things get worse.

We are still placing our other children first, but we are trying to salvage her as well. I pray that it works. I will definitely use the sacrificing our children in hopes that someone cares enough to take her to give her what she needs. We will be under a very watchful eye for dangerous situations and our neighbors agreed to help keep an eye on the house.

My husband and I were strong before and even stronger now. We are completely on the same page when it comes to AM. This community has been a wonderful informative sanity.

 

[BusynMember]

Ok, if s he comes home please use the alarm for her room and never leave her alone with your younger kids or your pet. I'd make her stay in the same room with me. She should never be alone with your other kids or in your house. You will not save her anytime soon. She is probably old enough to handle her mother now and if it were me, she'd go back there. If you both must be gone, and there is no way for either of you to be at home every minute that she is, I would not take that chance. It's way too risky. She would need a full time, conscientious and strong babysitter who could stop her from becoming aggressive or dangerous (as with fire). My own opinion is I would not do it.

Good luck.