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out of ideas - feeling hopeless
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 36131" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Oh, I am so sorry about your dad! That's awful. And so very sad.</p><p></p><p>In re: to the rocky relationship, if there's any time to heal, it is now. Is there any chance they can talk? Read the newspaper together? Is your dad still able to speak? difficult child needs to realize that he has to get over his anger right now, at least FAKE IT, and after your dad is gone, difficult child has the rest of his life to be angry. You dad is probably on antidepressants right now, so this may even out his personality enough to leave an opening.</p><p></p><p>In re: to motivation, my difficult child is much younger (10) but was totally unmotivated last yr. The counselors and teachers all agreed we needed to get his attention, and that he was being pushed a bit too hard, so we held him back in school. THAT got his attention! He didn't believe we'd really do it. We also took away the computer and TV (literally removed them, while he wasn't home) but now he has earned them back. He has to earn nearly everything. (And now all we have to do is unplug the mouse... much easier than totally removing the hard drive.)</p><p></p><p>Is he failing in school to the point where he could be held back? (Ooops, I just read the kicked out of school part...)</p><p></p><p>Have you taken away the computer and TV? (Expect a major meltdown when you do.)</p><p></p><p>What can he do that is relatively simple that will help his self esteem? (I mean, simple chores like taking out the trash, so you can offer a simple, "thank you, that really helps my back," etc.)</p><p></p><p>Does he have a driver's license? <em>There's</em> a carrot and stick for you. :smile:</p><p></p><p>Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 36131, member: 3419"] Oh, I am so sorry about your dad! That's awful. And so very sad. In re: to the rocky relationship, if there's any time to heal, it is now. Is there any chance they can talk? Read the newspaper together? Is your dad still able to speak? difficult child needs to realize that he has to get over his anger right now, at least FAKE IT, and after your dad is gone, difficult child has the rest of his life to be angry. You dad is probably on antidepressants right now, so this may even out his personality enough to leave an opening. In re: to motivation, my difficult child is much younger (10) but was totally unmotivated last yr. The counselors and teachers all agreed we needed to get his attention, and that he was being pushed a bit too hard, so we held him back in school. THAT got his attention! He didn't believe we'd really do it. We also took away the computer and TV (literally removed them, while he wasn't home) but now he has earned them back. He has to earn nearly everything. (And now all we have to do is unplug the mouse... much easier than totally removing the hard drive.) Is he failing in school to the point where he could be held back? (Ooops, I just read the kicked out of school part...) Have you taken away the computer and TV? (Expect a major meltdown when you do.) What can he do that is relatively simple that will help his self esteem? (I mean, simple chores like taking out the trash, so you can offer a simple, "thank you, that really helps my back," etc.) Does he have a driver's license? [i]There's[/i] a carrot and stick for you. [img]:smile:[/img] Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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