He sounds to me like the tantrum was triggered by task-changing problems. Some years ago I would have said that you can get this with ADHD, but I'm now realising that my experience with ADHD has been thoroughly tainted by my kids being on the autism spectrum.
If you approach the problem as if it is a task-changing issue, it might help. Read "Explosive Child" (or check out the discussion on Early Childhood forum) because it will help if you can try to think the way your son thinks.
What was he doing BEFORE the tantrum began? Think back to when he seemed content. What was he doing?
And then you announced it was time to get ready; you began your story to us at the point where you were "trying to get out the door", but impending departure begins before this.
What I've found is that you need to allow a certain amount of time to help them PREPARE to change tasks. For example, if a favourite TV show was on (or maybe any TV show) and he seemed engrossed, then get him to put shoes and socks on in the ad breaks. Or if it's the ads he was watching, hand him his shoes and socks to put on while he is watching the TV. Tell him ahead of time how long before you leave. Maybe set a timer. Or ask him how long he thinks he needs and try to give him that amount of warning time.
The next thing you did wrong (only it's what we all do, until we learn it's not a good idea for our difficult children) is you FORCED compliance on him. This is taking away even the slightest amount of control, and difficult children need some control over what happens in their life, because so much of it seems out of control already.
What you should have done, and should do in future if he hasn't complied in time, is sweep him up, plus his clothes, and take him out to the car. If he struggles, put him down and let him walk, in the snow, in his socks (make sure you pack a spare pair). He will soon realise that being carried is preferable.
Once a tantrum begins, you have both lost. To win, you need to head them off, try to prevent. Sometimes a tantrum is inevitable - live with it. I stopped punishing for most tantrums, if I could see that the cause was the result of him feeling panicked and not in control.
I use the term 'control' but I don't mean letting him make the rules. What I mean is giving him some say in how things are to be accomplished. For example, difficult child 3 likes to watch a certain TV show. But he's also supposed to be doing some chores at this time. Rather than make him miss his show, I let him do it in the ad breaks. I'll set him up for it in the previous ad break. Something like, "I need you to give your pet bird some fresh seed and water. Do you want to do it now, or during the next ad break?"
Please notice - I am giving him choice, but my request makes it clear that the bird must be fed and watered. If he grunts, "uh-huh", I remind him as the ad break begins. "OK, go look after your bird. I'll call you when the ad break is over. Maybe you can race the ads, see if you can finish first."
Some tasks can be done while the TV is on - shoes and socks are an example. Putting toys away is another. Any job that doesn't require brain power and doesn't require time away from the TV screen, can be done without interrupting a kid's favourite show.
And a really important lesson learned in this - you have shown him respect. Kids value this, even at a very young age. And in some difficult children, unless they have respect modelled for them, they do not learn how to show respect in turn.
Now, with PCs you may be able to go ahead and parent the way you feel is right, the way you were brought up. But try to think back to your own childhood, to the adults in your life that you liked and the ones you didn't. What governed your feelings?
I know for me, the adults who I still feel a warm glow for, were the adults who showed respect to me, who seemed to value me for myself. Those who treated me like an inconvenience, who always had an air of "I'm sure that kid will get into trouble the minute my back is turned so I may as well shout at her now," were the ones whose memory still makes me burn, decades later. The adults who didn't treat me or my concerns with any consideration at all, who said, "Don't be silly, it's only a spider," or "You've got to learn to hold your breath some time, go on and jump in, it's only a little bit over your head," still do not have any respect in my memories.
Marg
