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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659583" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. You are on the wrong forum for kids over 18. You should probably post on Parent Emeritus, which is for adult children.</p><p></p><p>I''m sorry you are going through this. Don't be hard on yourself. Teachers are educators, not psychologists. You need outside help, more for yourself than for her because she is too old to force into therapy and you are suffering because of her behavior.</p><p></p><p>It does sound it could be drugs, although you say it isn't, but many of us thought not and it was. As for being a virgin, not that it matters, unless a doctor has told you that, you don't know for sure. Sleeping all day and being up all night reminds me of my daughter when she did drugs. I would not be so quick to dismiss drugs, even more than pot, over-drinking or other dangerous behaviors. My daughter had no money either. They have ways of getting drugs they want and money too. Has she ever stolen from you that you know of? Sometimes they sell drugs to get money.</p><p></p><p>Another thing I learned: We don't know how nice our adult children's friends are. They put on a good face for us or they may have been nice at one time, but changed.</p><p></p><p>If your daughter is so depressed she can't do anything, she would not want to text her friends all night. She is being social, the way young people do it today. Do you pay for her phone? If so, I'd feel perfectly fine reading the texts to see what was really going on under your roof. I know it could just be depression, but don't believe it is...rule everything else out first.</p><p></p><p>Why did you allow her to come home after she left? Did she make promises she didn't keep?</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is an adult. 20 year olds can vote, fight for our country, go away to college, and make their own decisions. It sounds like your daughter is acting like a young child, expecting you to take care of her and support her. This is common here. Even if she has mental illness, SHE is the only one who can take care of it. At her age, in my opinion she ought to be contributing to t he household and either going to college full time or working full time.</p><p></p><p>Everyone has had trauma in the past. My own youth was a nightmare and my daughters had extremely scary and bad things happen to them, yet they are productive and functioning and not laying on my couch. I would not allow the past to be an excuse for refusing to grow up in the present.</p><p></p><p>I am again sorry you are going through this. I would deal with her behavior, not the past or the "what ifs." My suggestion, which you don't have to take, is to give her three months to get a job, pay rent, help with chores, be respectful or leave and learn to stand on her own two feet the hard way.</p><p></p><p>There is a reason "everyone" is telling you to kick her out. She must be causing you a lot of angst in your own home, one way or another. Any other children? A SO? You have to think about them too, if you have others in the house.</p><p></p><p>Just my opinion.</p><p>If you post on Parent Emeritus you will get many responses because all of us have dealt with these issues. Kids over 18 are a whole different story than k ids who are under 18. Legally, we have no control. We only have the ability to change our reactions to our adult children. We can't change them or anybody except ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 659583, member: 1550"] Hi there. You are on the wrong forum for kids over 18. You should probably post on Parent Emeritus, which is for adult children. I''m sorry you are going through this. Don't be hard on yourself. Teachers are educators, not psychologists. You need outside help, more for yourself than for her because she is too old to force into therapy and you are suffering because of her behavior. It does sound it could be drugs, although you say it isn't, but many of us thought not and it was. As for being a virgin, not that it matters, unless a doctor has told you that, you don't know for sure. Sleeping all day and being up all night reminds me of my daughter when she did drugs. I would not be so quick to dismiss drugs, even more than pot, over-drinking or other dangerous behaviors. My daughter had no money either. They have ways of getting drugs they want and money too. Has she ever stolen from you that you know of? Sometimes they sell drugs to get money. Another thing I learned: We don't know how nice our adult children's friends are. They put on a good face for us or they may have been nice at one time, but changed. If your daughter is so depressed she can't do anything, she would not want to text her friends all night. She is being social, the way young people do it today. Do you pay for her phone? If so, I'd feel perfectly fine reading the texts to see what was really going on under your roof. I know it could just be depression, but don't believe it is...rule everything else out first. Why did you allow her to come home after she left? Did she make promises she didn't keep? Your daughter is an adult. 20 year olds can vote, fight for our country, go away to college, and make their own decisions. It sounds like your daughter is acting like a young child, expecting you to take care of her and support her. This is common here. Even if she has mental illness, SHE is the only one who can take care of it. At her age, in my opinion she ought to be contributing to t he household and either going to college full time or working full time. Everyone has had trauma in the past. My own youth was a nightmare and my daughters had extremely scary and bad things happen to them, yet they are productive and functioning and not laying on my couch. I would not allow the past to be an excuse for refusing to grow up in the present. I am again sorry you are going through this. I would deal with her behavior, not the past or the "what ifs." My suggestion, which you don't have to take, is to give her three months to get a job, pay rent, help with chores, be respectful or leave and learn to stand on her own two feet the hard way. There is a reason "everyone" is telling you to kick her out. She must be causing you a lot of angst in your own home, one way or another. Any other children? A SO? You have to think about them too, if you have others in the house. Just my opinion. If you post on Parent Emeritus you will get many responses because all of us have dealt with these issues. Kids over 18 are a whole different story than k ids who are under 18. Legally, we have no control. We only have the ability to change our reactions to our adult children. We can't change them or anybody except ourselves. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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