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Out of jail, results sadly predictable
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 616351" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I agree.</p><p></p><p>If the champagne and oysters haven't turned things around with S.O., this might be the time to back away from him, too. It is true that stress from our difficult child kids colors and changes our relationships, but MWM is right. Especially as you learn new patterns of interaction with your son, you deserve someone who strengthens, who cherishes and takes joy in you, and who is a refuge for you. Here is something I know, because it is happening to me, in all my relationships: As I have begun practicing detachment, every relationship I have has changed. In some cases, the change is subtle. In others, shocking. But I am glad for the changes, stronger for the changes. While I am finding that it is true that we teach people how to treat us...I think that isn't altogether correct. There are people in the world who see someone who is kind, who see someone who believes (because she has done it herself), that anyone can be beat the odds, can turn things around, as a ready-made victim, ripe for the taking.</p><p></p><p>If this is true of your S.O.? It won't be long at all now before you are strong enough to see it so clearly that you will change things without batting an eye.</p><p></p><p>Learning the skills of detachment is like a cold, fresh wind blowing through your life. Everything that is bad for you gets blown out. All that is left is you and those healthy enough to merit your attention. That sounds so cold, I know. But that is what I am finding. I don't even miss the relationships I lost through confronting the players with what I knew to be true about their interactions with me. What I see instead is how, knowing I would shelter and support them, always...they played me like a fiddle! They had no respect for me. They probably don't even see me, the real me. They did not deserve so much as a glance of my eye, but they received total loyalty, total commitment to their good from me.</p><p></p><p>I am quite angry at the way they twisted what was offered in faith and love.</p><p></p><p>I am not talking about difficult child son, here. Him? I want back ~ but only on my terms.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Wait and see, Echolette. This detachment is powerful stuff.</p><p></p><p>If S.O. is someone who should not be with you? He's going to be finding out all about that, pretty shortly, here.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 616351, member: 17461"] I agree. If the champagne and oysters haven't turned things around with S.O., this might be the time to back away from him, too. It is true that stress from our difficult child kids colors and changes our relationships, but MWM is right. Especially as you learn new patterns of interaction with your son, you deserve someone who strengthens, who cherishes and takes joy in you, and who is a refuge for you. Here is something I know, because it is happening to me, in all my relationships: As I have begun practicing detachment, every relationship I have has changed. In some cases, the change is subtle. In others, shocking. But I am glad for the changes, stronger for the changes. While I am finding that it is true that we teach people how to treat us...I think that isn't altogether correct. There are people in the world who see someone who is kind, who see someone who believes (because she has done it herself), that anyone can be beat the odds, can turn things around, as a ready-made victim, ripe for the taking. If this is true of your S.O.? It won't be long at all now before you are strong enough to see it so clearly that you will change things without batting an eye. Learning the skills of detachment is like a cold, fresh wind blowing through your life. Everything that is bad for you gets blown out. All that is left is you and those healthy enough to merit your attention. That sounds so cold, I know. But that is what I am finding. I don't even miss the relationships I lost through confronting the players with what I knew to be true about their interactions with me. What I see instead is how, knowing I would shelter and support them, always...they played me like a fiddle! They had no respect for me. They probably don't even see me, the real me. They did not deserve so much as a glance of my eye, but they received total loyalty, total commitment to their good from me. I am quite angry at the way they twisted what was offered in faith and love. I am not talking about difficult child son, here. Him? I want back ~ but only on my terms. :O) Wait and see, Echolette. This detachment is powerful stuff. If S.O. is someone who should not be with you? He's going to be finding out all about that, pretty shortly, here. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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