Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BemLmum3, Jul 31, 2009.

  1. BemLmum3

    BemLmum3 Guest

    We had a homeschool group activity at our house today. It was a bigger group which difficult child 1 never does well with, socially. He is one of those kids that wants to do what the majority are doing but is never good at it and then he becomes aggressive. I have noticed he gets overstim. easily socially and sensory overstim too. If there are loud noises, lights ect or when ever he is near water his body spazzes. Today the group he was playing outside with is all boys, ages 7-11 and there are 7 of them. These boys like to play swords, good guy bad guy stuff. difficult child 1 never initiates this play at home with his toys or brother. Whenever difficult child 1 tries to get involved in this type of play, socially it equals fail. And then he ends up the only bad guy against the whole group. I can see he is out of control, he can feel it, and the others start to get mad at him, ask him to stop, or come tell me. He is being mean and aggressive at this point. If I ask him about it he will say the play fighting gets him out of control, he has also said this about some video games and will stop playing those "fighting" kind like Pokemon. My technique so far has been talking to him about "what ifs", role playing on how to remove himself. I have taught him breathing, counting to 10, ect to calm. I am lucky in that I am near and can help, but boy is it hard. Any other suggestions in teaching him the skills to calm when overstimulated, if this is the cause? Any been there done that? Thanks!
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    To be honest, to me it sounds like he is more of an Aspie than just ADHD. Is he able to get services from the school district? He sounds like he desperately needs to take social skills classes. There is really no way to learn how to play with other kids--kids just know--unless they have serious social skills deficits--and then often they have to be text book taught.

    I give your son kudos for knowing he gets out of control and why. He's smart! My son was very much like this and he can still be, but he got a lot of help so he's much better than he would have been if he hadn't had interventions.

    I know that in Wisconsin if you homeschool you are denied any school interventions, but each state is different. I would look into it. My son needed help for his sensory issues, attentional issues, and looking at "the big picture." He was also very concrete and couldn't think in abstracts and he got a lot of help in that too. He still thinks in the concrete...lol....but now he can do his school work better when he has to think in abstracts. He's still a very black-and-white kid.

    Was something unacceptable to you about school? I homeschooled a year, and for me I thought it made my difficult child start to regress. I put him in a parochial school after that, but they didn't have the services he needed. Some kids in my opinion really do better going to school because of the services offered. I have nothing against homeschooling (obviously). There are some good reasons kids are pulled out of school!

    You may want to have him evaluated by a neuropsychologist. I would think more than ADHD and anxiety is going on--although the combo is very much like Aspergers. You can get more help with the label though. Of course, I could be wrong, but I'd want to have the evaluation to make sure.

    I wish you good luck with your son, whatever you decide to do. These are just a few suggestions...my .02
  3. BemLmum3

    BemLmum3 Guest

    Thanks for the reply MW. I agree that difficult child 1 may be an Aspie but it is not priority right now for me to seek out that diagnosis. I will look into the nuerophsyc, but honestly the main benefit I see from him having another label would be for services through school. He did start out in PS and I pulled him after 3months. He did not have diagnosis at that time, but the school system here where we live is not a good fit for him. We plan on homeschooling for the duration but I really do not know for sure what the future holds, so maybe it is a good idea to seek correct diagnosis? Just in case he does have to return to PS.

    I realize he needs help with his social skills and he gets many opportunities to practice them. We are very involved with our homeschool group and the kids always get an ample amt of time to socialize at every function. That and I make sure we go to park and play days to specifically work on the social skills, he needs that more than anything. Since he is so in tune to his body and what his "triggers" are, I thought there might be more I could do in practicing with him? We have practiced from what to do and say when you meet someone new, to personal space. Social skills class would be good, maybe I can find a resonable one that he could do, even through private agencies. Or maybe we can still get services here in Texas through school district while we are homeschooling, I will have to check it out.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If your son has trouble socializing, just being with kids won't help him. You can't pratice social skills if you don't know what they are. in my opinion He needs extra help to learn them. Just watching other kids isn't giving him those skills that most kids just pick up automatically. If you don't want to get it from school, can you get it privately?
    It's kind of hard to help if you are against a diagnosis. I wanted to know why my child was different so I could help him the best I could. He's going to need to socialize correctly when he is older and the younger he's taught in an almost text book way, t he better it will get. Also, he probably has sensory issues which is why crowds are hard for him. in my humble opinion, you need to get him services for social skills and sensory issues, if not other things. I really don't believe you can do it yourself. We're moms--we love our kids--but we aren't professionals. My son can do crowds now. He desperately needed interventions. There are things you CAN NOT SEE when a child is at home. I don't mean you shouldn't homeschool, only that kids who may be on the spectrum are always more comfortable and higher functioning at home, but at some point in time they will have to leave home...again all of this JMO.
  5. BemLmum3

    BemLmum3 Guest

    Wow, I came here for support and now feel like I am having to defend myself. I never said that I was against correct diagnosis, I said an added diagnosis was not priority. My priority right now is helping my child with his symptoms. I was really just looking for some advice from other parent's who have kid's that have a hard time calming down from overstimulation.

    I do not feel like my difficult child 1 is going to learn just from watching other kids. This is the reason I posted to begin with. I also mentioned I would look into private social skills classes, that that was a good idea. I actually have a background and education in child development and have since then educated myself on all the childhood disorders.

    And yes my ultimate goal is to help my kids become independent, responsible adults. I realize and want, just like any other parent, for my children to be able to leave home. difficult child has had alot of early intervention through ECI and then private therapy in speech and Occupational Therapist (OT) area's. I simply was looking for some activities we could do at home and small social situtations that might be helpful. Thanks for your input but I think I will look for a more supportive group to join, this one is not agood fit for me. I really do not like words being put in my mouth, like I am against diagnosis and help for my son. He has been evaluated by 3 different professionals who all agree on his diagnosis. I also realize Asperger's is sometimes not diagnosis until kids are 9. With that being said I am off to find some real support.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi! I just popped in here and I hope that you are not feeling attacked. It is HARD sometimes when we are passionate about something. The passion we feel can come across as an attack when really all we want to do is share some info.

    I am a strange homeschooling mom. My two oldest kids have each spent some time being homeschooled. For different reasons, but we always evaluate the plans every year. Jess is homeschooled now because health reasons and because she was hit by a car on her walk to the bus stop last year (when we tried sending her to school again.) We are trying a virtual high school program for her this year.

    The reason for the push for a diagnosis is because it can open up FEDERAL protections for your difficult child and because there is a big push for autism spectrum disorder programs and your child might benefit from them. Also, the treatment for high functioning autism &/or Aspergers is VERY different from treatment for bipolar or mood disorders, ADHD, seizures, etc. We just want you to be aware of the different options.

    With any advice on any subject, take what will help and ignore the rest. No one's feelings will get hurt.

    As for the over stimulation, I found several things that helped. One was to keep a HEAVY box in the car. Fill it with books that "might" be helpful while homeschooling. Ask him to get the box and bring it inside. Then have him move it to a picnic table, then to the trunk, and so on and so forth. Carrying the weight may help him calm down.

    Has he been evaluated by an Occupational Therapist (OT) for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID)? With the problems you describe it seems highly likely he has some degree of Sensory Integration Disorder. Given that, get a copy of The Out of Sync Child Has Fun" by Kranowitz. It is packed with ideas that will help him, are fun and include others, and can be planned so you have the stuff if it looks like he needs to change activities or calm down.

    One of the BIG things we did with Wiz, that my parents HATED and my husband even HATED was to keep ALL violent things away from him for many years. If he read about or saw violence, or played cops and robbers, knights, whatever, he went into angry scary mode. He just couldn't keep it together. We took away pokemon, most videos, almost ALL regular tv, we didn't even get a newspaper because he could read it shortly after he turned 3. Even DISNEY movies had to be super carefully screened. If you look at them with an eye to seeing violence the Disney animated movies are SCARY! Remember the scene in Lion King where simba and Nala have been chased into the Elephant Graveyard by the hyenas? The hyenas stop and look back and tell them not to come back or "we'll KILL you!" Guess what my difficult child took to telling us? It was vastly different than what my pcs got from the same movie. The kids watched videos. Period. And it really made a difference.

    These are just suggestions. If they don't help, I won't be offended. Heck, MWM and I have sons with similar diagnosis's. Her son has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified while mine has Aspergers. Both are autistic spectrum disorders. Her son is not on any medications to help with his issues. He is best served with other things. My son is on 3 prescription medications - strattera for ADHD, luvox for depression and trazodone for sleep. Each child is different, and we know this.

    One thing that I think DOES apply for all of our kids is that we NEED to assemble a Parent Report. It is sort of an "Instruction Manual" for our difficult children. Some parents here developed an outline to help present all the info we have learned about our kids to the docs, teachers, tdocs, etc.... It helps them see what has been done, when, and what the result is. I don't give all of the report to everyone. I esp keep school unaware of some things. They have no need of his latest blood tests, everything the therapists tell you, etc... OFTEN this info can be used against you by people trying to refuse services adn help to you. It IS important to have a master copy that YOU keep and a few xerox copies to give to the "experts".

    Here is a link to the Parent Report: http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10

    Sending gentle hugs to all of your family!