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Overwhelmed - please advise!
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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 275080" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>Welcome to the family!</p><p> </p><p>I keep noticing that he is good for his parents, but where you're concerned there is some serious hostility. How long have Mom & Dad been divorced? AND, how long have you been married to husband?</p><p> </p><p>The reason I am asking this... I know from first hand experience that when the kids have a new "parent" in their life, they sometimes get very protective of their same-sex bio parent. It's a big blow to the fantasy that Mommy and Daddy will eventually get back together. For instance... "If I make <em>her</em> mad enough, <em>she</em> will go away and Mom & Dad will get married again."</p><p> </p><p>That said, you and husband will need to provide a united front. <strong><em>You</em></strong> are living with this child too. For an evaluation to be worth while, even a short one (though I agree the neuropsychologist would be a very good idea), all adults who spend time with the child should report. That means biomom and husband, you, grandparents (your parents too if they are involved), teachers, etc.</p><p> </p><p>If biomom is as unstable as she seems, the shared parenting 2-on-2-off is going to create more problems than it solves. (My husband now has full custody after 6.5 years of "shared parenting", where there were SERIOUS issues including abuse). If husband insists on 50/50, or that's what the court wants, it may be worth it to change to one week/one week. Two days is just not enough time to get used to being at one house or the other.</p><p> </p><p>Lots of hugs. I've been there done that and though it's settling now, it's hard to live with. Get out your Warrior Mom armor and polish it up!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 275080, member: 6705"] Welcome to the family! I keep noticing that he is good for his parents, but where you're concerned there is some serious hostility. How long have Mom & Dad been divorced? AND, how long have you been married to husband? The reason I am asking this... I know from first hand experience that when the kids have a new "parent" in their life, they sometimes get very protective of their same-sex bio parent. It's a big blow to the fantasy that Mommy and Daddy will eventually get back together. For instance... "If I make [I]her[/I] mad enough, [I]she[/I] will go away and Mom & Dad will get married again." That said, you and husband will need to provide a united front. [B][I]You[/I][/B] are living with this child too. For an evaluation to be worth while, even a short one (though I agree the neuropsychologist would be a very good idea), all adults who spend time with the child should report. That means biomom and husband, you, grandparents (your parents too if they are involved), teachers, etc. If biomom is as unstable as she seems, the shared parenting 2-on-2-off is going to create more problems than it solves. (My husband now has full custody after 6.5 years of "shared parenting", where there were SERIOUS issues including abuse). If husband insists on 50/50, or that's what the court wants, it may be worth it to change to one week/one week. Two days is just not enough time to get used to being at one house or the other. Lots of hugs. I've been there done that and though it's settling now, it's hard to live with. Get out your Warrior Mom armor and polish it up! [/QUOTE]
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