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Overwhelmed - please advise!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 278678" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Fair enough. You've put some good thinking into this.</p><p></p><p>The separation anxiety stuff - I bet it makes hid dad feel like a king, to know his son loves him so much that he can't bear to be away from him. Very flattering. It's so easy to put a 'nice' spin on things.</p><p></p><p>The poor lad - he really does need someone to go over WHY he does what he does. And therapy is greatly reduced in effectiveness, if there is no follow-through at home.</p><p></p><p>A recommendation I made to someone else on another thread - I don't care HOW busy the father is, how much he insists tat as the breadwinner, he needs someone else to "mind" his child - the dad should be attending the therapy sessions with his son and should be actively involved. He can delegate to you (ort someone else) but he MUST be on board. The custodial parent should be the driving force for the child's treatment. If a bloke is too busy with work to do this for his child, then he has given up on his child.</p><p></p><p>Because a devoted father WILL find a way. Your kid is your life. Your future. To marry someone purely to provide a replacement mother (and substitute nanny) is not fair to anybody and is ducknig out of responsibility.</p><p></p><p>You are entitled to walk away. You choose not to - I respect your having thought this through, you have strong reasons and you're the one on the spot. I agree, you need to get him to step up and take responsibility. To do this, you may need to PARTLY walk away, to tell husband, "I am not doing X any more, because it is YOUR job. If we need a breadwinner - let ME do it. Your son needs you, the time you spend on his needs is a valuable investment in his future and in the future of your family. A small investment now will pay off much bigger than the same size investment in ten years' time. You will never get back the time you don't spend with him now."</p><p></p><p>Good luck.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 278678, member: 1991"] Fair enough. You've put some good thinking into this. The separation anxiety stuff - I bet it makes hid dad feel like a king, to know his son loves him so much that he can't bear to be away from him. Very flattering. It's so easy to put a 'nice' spin on things. The poor lad - he really does need someone to go over WHY he does what he does. And therapy is greatly reduced in effectiveness, if there is no follow-through at home. A recommendation I made to someone else on another thread - I don't care HOW busy the father is, how much he insists tat as the breadwinner, he needs someone else to "mind" his child - the dad should be attending the therapy sessions with his son and should be actively involved. He can delegate to you (ort someone else) but he MUST be on board. The custodial parent should be the driving force for the child's treatment. If a bloke is too busy with work to do this for his child, then he has given up on his child. Because a devoted father WILL find a way. Your kid is your life. Your future. To marry someone purely to provide a replacement mother (and substitute nanny) is not fair to anybody and is ducknig out of responsibility. You are entitled to walk away. You choose not to - I respect your having thought this through, you have strong reasons and you're the one on the spot. I agree, you need to get him to step up and take responsibility. To do this, you may need to PARTLY walk away, to tell husband, "I am not doing X any more, because it is YOUR job. If we need a breadwinner - let ME do it. Your son needs you, the time you spend on his needs is a valuable investment in his future and in the future of your family. A small investment now will pay off much bigger than the same size investment in ten years' time. You will never get back the time you don't spend with him now." Good luck. Marg [/QUOTE]
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