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Parent Emeritus
Overwhelmed with dysfunction...just venting
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<blockquote data-quote="BackintheSaddle" data-source="post: 618760" data-attributes="member: 17503"><p>Hello All-I have been a 'member' for over a month-- it started with my son attacking me (bipolar, no drugs/etoh), 19 yo....police came, he went to live with my parents who then turned on me, so to speak-- believe all his lies...both of them are in early (mother) to middle (dad) stage dementia so it's a holy hell of dysfunction 5 miles away...my son is working and going to community college but refusing to speak to me because last week, I refused to keep paying for his bills-- 'if I support him and want him to succeed, I should be willing to paying those bills'...I got an ugly, just mean email from my father today wanting to know what 'my intentions' are about paying for his college. For the first time, I responded to an email to give him an answer. I shouldn't have-- i should have just let it go, detached, etc. It caused quite a stir with my husband and then difficult child chiming in, lots of drama with the end result being that I doubt we'll talk to my parents ever again and it'll be a long time before we talk to my son (if ever). He is in such a toxic place-- they are negative, attacking people (dad a dry drunk, mom the bearer of genes that makes my son nuts-- and me on anti-depressants) who have selective memory, just like he does. He tells them ANYTHING and they believe the whole thing. I know what precipitated this whole event was that my son asked my father to help him pay for his bills because I won't anymore. So, I got out 'codependents no more' again today and reread some of it. I wonder if I'll ever get out of the trap of just trying to convince difficult child ONE MORE TIME that something is wrong with HIM and it's not all me. He's not on medications and holding it together for my parents (not that they'd notice) so far, so now they all are convinced (in that 'house of cards', as my husband calls it) that I've been wrong all along and all the issues are because of me. It's so hard not to get sucked into wondering if they could be right. No need to reply-- I just needed to vent to someone who'd understand...today this feels like more than I can take</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BackintheSaddle, post: 618760, member: 17503"] Hello All-I have been a 'member' for over a month-- it started with my son attacking me (bipolar, no drugs/etoh), 19 yo....police came, he went to live with my parents who then turned on me, so to speak-- believe all his lies...both of them are in early (mother) to middle (dad) stage dementia so it's a holy hell of dysfunction 5 miles away...my son is working and going to community college but refusing to speak to me because last week, I refused to keep paying for his bills-- 'if I support him and want him to succeed, I should be willing to paying those bills'...I got an ugly, just mean email from my father today wanting to know what 'my intentions' are about paying for his college. For the first time, I responded to an email to give him an answer. I shouldn't have-- i should have just let it go, detached, etc. It caused quite a stir with my husband and then difficult child chiming in, lots of drama with the end result being that I doubt we'll talk to my parents ever again and it'll be a long time before we talk to my son (if ever). He is in such a toxic place-- they are negative, attacking people (dad a dry drunk, mom the bearer of genes that makes my son nuts-- and me on anti-depressants) who have selective memory, just like he does. He tells them ANYTHING and they believe the whole thing. I know what precipitated this whole event was that my son asked my father to help him pay for his bills because I won't anymore. So, I got out 'codependents no more' again today and reread some of it. I wonder if I'll ever get out of the trap of just trying to convince difficult child ONE MORE TIME that something is wrong with HIM and it's not all me. He's not on medications and holding it together for my parents (not that they'd notice) so far, so now they all are convinced (in that 'house of cards', as my husband calls it) that I've been wrong all along and all the issues are because of me. It's so hard not to get sucked into wondering if they could be right. No need to reply-- I just needed to vent to someone who'd understand...today this feels like more than I can take [/QUOTE]
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Overwhelmed with dysfunction...just venting
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