overwhelmed

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by prettywingz, Apr 28, 2013.

  1. prettywingz

    prettywingz New Member

    My son was officially Diagnosed with ADHD combined and ODD. He is 6 years old. I am a single mother and I am just really burnt out. He was on Tenex and Clonidine and Meletonin, Which helped him calm down his behavior a lot, he was still very active and had meltdowns, but they decreased significantly at home at least. The combination of the Tenex and Clonidine made him really tired and he was sleeping in class, so I stopped the Clonidine at night and reversed the dosage of tenex, 1/2 pill in the morning and 1 pill at night. This seemed to be working and the Dr sent him for a EKG before starting him on stimulant. so when I finally was able to get the EKG, and made an appointment with the Dr to start the Stimulant, He told me that My son's Pediatrician had to read the EKG first and say that it is ok and I had to Call the Pediatrician and get this permission. I also mentioned how I stopped the Clonidine because he was sleeping in class and the Dr. took him off the Tenex also. so he has been without any medications for a few weeks now and my son is out of control. He has been acting out in school, he has been unbearable at home. He does not sleep. My neighbors, I have only lived here for 2 months and they have complained about him running and jumping and his screams, and I have gotten several notices from management stating that I am violating the terms of my lease because of the noise he is making. I just had surgery Weds. His father was supposed to take him this weekend so I could rest, well he bailed out and said he didn't have any money. Mean while I scheduled to go back to work tomorrow although the Dr said I should stay out longer, but I was feeling better while he was at school during the week. Now I am exhausted, burnt out and Just feel so overwhelmed at this point. I am on edge every time he makes a noise for fear of being evicted. The one time They complained, he was jumping and I want to discipline him, trying to send him to time out and he began running, jumping and screaming louder so I'm like ok what can I do. I have high blood pressure, I am stressed, I feel like crying sometimes, and the rare times when his Dad does get him Maybe once every few months I breath a sigh of relief and when it is time for him to come home, I brace myself. I love my son soo much but I don't know what else to do. He is still not on Medication. His Dr. is a quack and there are only 6 doctor's who accept my insurance and sees patients his age, the other 5 are not accepting mew patients, so I am stuck with this quack. I applied for and was approved for PH95, but they said that I have to find someone willing to accept both insurances or they will not pay, so I am stuck. I looked for a ADHD support group but there is none in my area. sorry I am just drained and needed someone to talk to about it because no one understands. They think that he is just bad because he looks normal, and I am a poor parent. My neighbor knocked on my door and said that I need to control my kids, he doesn't know me from Adam. Any suggestions remedy's?
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome (sorry you have to be here).

    Pardon me for backtracking. Can you tell us more about his early development and early years? The screaming kind of brings up a red flag. Does he just randomly make loud noises or blurt things out? Does he make weird noises, like odd throat noises? I am wondering what sort of professional diagnosed him with ADHD/ODD. This is often a first diagnosis, and often rarely a last one. Do you think ADHD is the big issue here or that maybe more is going on? How does he do in school? Does he know how to make same-age peer friends? Does he get into other kid's space or blurt at them or make poor eye contact with strangers? Does he know how to play with toys or d oes he just dismantle them? Does he have a great rote memory, able to recite cartoons in their entirty? Did he reach his major milestones on time? Speech problems, even if he caught up? Any odd quirks or obsessive interests to the exclusion of all others?

    On this forum most of the oldies kind of disregard ODD because all it means is "defiant c hild." That refers to all of our kids, but does not explain the root cause and it has no real treatment and is often used as a garbage/trash can diagnosis when the doctor himself isn't sure what is going on. Has he ever been diagnosed by a neuropsychologist? You probably sadly can't afford one now, but I think that the local county mental health clinic can probably serve you better than Dr. Quack!

    in my opinion the best way to address this is to take him away from quack doctor and go to a good one/the best one you can afford. in my opinion the doctor has not nailed his problems correctly and that's why the medication isn't helping. As for the people w ho just knock on your door to complain, put them on disregard. Why do you even care w hat Joe Nobody says about your kid? He doesn't get it.

    As for living spaces, an apartment is never the best place for a loud difficult child. I can't help you with this apartment manager, unless you get a doctor to try to help him understand by writing a letter, b ut I do suggest maybe renting a mobile home, where there is no up or downstairs and the price is still relatively cheap. Hub and I are close to our youngest moving out and we're moving to a mobile home park because it's cheaper and we don't want neighbors who are upstairs and downstairs (we have dogs). It's an option to think about...or renting a cheaper home. Don't know w here you live. We have great deals here because we are far from a major city...hope you have options where you live as well.

    Hugs and welcome again :)
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome and sending gentle hugs your way. So glad you found us but wish you hadn't needed to. Your son reminds me a lot of mine at that age. Thankfully, we didn't live in an apartment because I am quite sure we would have been kicked out.

    Clonidine has really helped my son quite a bit over the years. There were times when it did make him sleepy at school (especially at first) but at the time the school let him sleep; he needed to sleep at night or none of us were sane. I remember when we told his psychiatrist that he wasn't sleeping (before medications) and our psychiatrist said that was not o.k. because we all needed. I still remember those years of sleepless nights, literally my difficult child could sleep for 2 or 3 hours a night and be raring to go the next day, husband and me not so much.

    One thing that you definitely are in need of is "me" time. Since your ex doesn't sound like he contributes much is there anyone else that could take him at least a few hours a week. Trust me that I know it is difficult to find any "me" time but it is so important. You need time to be able to recharge on a regular basis. We were able to finally find some respite services in our city and even though it was only about 4-8 hours a month we used that time to sleep more often than not.

    I agree with- Midwest Mom that you definitely need a better doctor. I know how difficult that can be to find depending on where you live. Keep visiting here as you will find much support from others in your same shoes.

    One suggestion, have you read The Explosive Child? It is by Ross Greene and can be helpful when raising children like ours.
     
  4. prettywingz

    prettywingz New Member

    Thanks. I wrote another thread months ago about the issues with his school. He was Diagnosed by a neuropsychologist. Thankfully my insurance paid for that because the testing was at least $1000. They determined that he was not autistic at all because I was concerned about that. He screams when he is upset, I guess for attention. He throws things and has broken things. They did diagnose him with a possible mood disorder, but that was only a possible. In school he doesn't listen, he throws things, hits kids, screams loudly, runs out of the class. They had him isolated in a class by himself for months until I could get his evaluation. He just began going to a class that has help for kids with Emotional Issues. That's what the school diagnosed him with, but I think they just wanted him out of their hair. I did download the Explosive Child, but haven't been able to read it yet. It is just so frustrating, after dealing with him on a daily basis I feel like I have just lost a round in the boxing rink. I am saving to buy a home , hopefully in the next year I will qualify for something because I can't keep living in fear of being evicted every month. The Dr. Issue, I am just really hoping to find someone who can help me help him.
     
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He really does remind me of difficult child, his mood disorder turned into bipolar disorder. It took us several years to get medications right but the good news is we did and, overall is doing really well right now (for him). Not saying your difficult child is bipolar, just saying that there is hope as they get older:)
     
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I am sending my understanding sympathy. I'm old and tired this afternoon (just got home from work, sigh, so you are not getting my best) BUT obviously you are not getting adequate help. Which type of Dr. are you consulting? Is it a Pediatrician? A child Psychiatrist? If your town is small and you have five good ones and one quack...I am assuming that you may be using Pediatricians for a resource AND they are not really qualified to treat multiple MH problems. I live in a small community and truthfully none of the MD's are valuable for these issues.

    So, depending on the answers to my questions, I am wondering ifyou can afford to drive a little further (or take a bus?) to find better experts to help you. by the way, did your MD tell you that you can NOT radically reduce of quit Tenex with-o anticipating blood pressure problesm? Locally a Pediatrician did NOT tell GFGmom that and she stopped Tenex cold turkey with difficult child#2 and he ended up in the hospital. Yikes. Both Clonindine and Tenex promote sleepiness. A reduction in one or the other would make sense but not both. You need a child Psychiatrist on your side!

    I have raised three ADHD + kids. Even at my age I know what you are experiencing. Expand your regions. Call your insurance company and ask for help. It CAN get better but only with an expert on your side. I remember it well and am sending supportive and caring hugs your way. DDD
     
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Something I do when ever we move into a place is to go around to the neighbors and tell them about my difficult children. I educate them a bit about the diagnosis and try to enlist their help when ever possible. I have only had 1 family distance themselves because of this. The rest have been very helpful.

    A letter to the management company might help to. It just won't look good if it gets out that they evicted you because of your disabled child especially if you have a copy of a letter telling them about his diagnosis.
     
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi! I can so relate to the housing issues. One thing I found out is that I had some leverage saying they can't discriminate because my son has a disability. My county social worker said they would step in.

    Do you have any support from the county? You can call them and see of you can get a Children's disability case manager. This is not child protection....
    They help find financial resources like grants etc. They help coordinate services and our case manager even got me a grant to pay for the first months rent and the damage deposit to be able to move to a new home.

    I am in a well built townhome with people on the sides but three levels and a large deck with no stairs so he is stuck. The garage is attached on the lowest level, and it's private! Jumping etc. does not bother people. My neighbors have kids and i never hear them and they are active. It's not a rental complex so the homes are well built for owners (the owner of this one tents it out).

    A mobile home is also a very good idea.

    Call your doctor (while looking for a new one) and let them know you are having an emergency. That being off medications is causing him to be so out of control that you may be evicted and homeless. That school is concerned and he is having UNSAFE behavior.

    Demand to restart which ever medications you felt worked.

    I would agree to do all you can to change his care to a psychiatrist, not a pediatrician. At the very least try to get a developmental pediatrician.

    Has he ever had an occupational therapy evaluation? He may be sensory seeking, needing lots of input. Maybe it would be worth getting an evaluation for sensory integration disorder.


    I know how hard it is, I really do. Luckily I did have good medical people. That really makes a huge difference.

    Hugs to you!
     
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    No matter what his current docs say... there is more going on.
    I second Buddy's suggestion of an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation.
    For us... Occupational Therapist (OT) was the first evaluation that opened ANY doors... first evaluator that actually saw some of our concerns as valid.
    Occupational Therapist (OT) was/is also a big help - some really helpful therapies.
     
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    As far as neighbors complaining...
    When I was single I used to live in an appointment... (many long years ago).
    Before I moved in, I knew noise was going to be a problem (I'm musical... )
    And they specifically gave me an appointment that had commercial space below, and the laundry area above... which meant it was also a corner unit. This reduced the neighbors to two - on the same level. Nobody above or below to complain.

    Can you see if your appointment manager has any flexibilty in which unit they give you?
    For a minimum, you should not be on a "middle" floor... either top (nobody above to hear the screams, but the ones below affected by running) or lowest (opposite logic) floors.
     
  11. stacy

    stacy New Member


    Just reading thru old threads and wondered why you would ask about the weird throat noises. At times my son does do that, and is rather annoying!
     
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