Overwhelmed

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Havill, Feb 9, 2016.

  1. Havill

    Havill New Member

    Hi,. Please could someone help as we are so exhausted. Our five year old girl (who we totally adore) has so many issues. We try so hard to deal with each one in a positive, upbeat manner. We are so careful with how we respond and don't ever label her. I am a teacher and I am.aware of the power of words. We have tried behaviour modification with rewards, charts etc. But they just don't work. Her issues are; getting dressed is a nightmare as everything itches and hurts her. Going to the toilet is an obsession and she wipes herself so much that she can easily use one roll.of toliet paper.in one session. Bedtime is a nightmare of screaming, she kicks us, punches us, bites us. We try to stay calm and have tried every bedtime trick going. For a while we have deluded ourselves that we can deal with it. She is so fearful and anxious. We can't leave it any longer. She has no problems at school and socialises well, except she tends to be quire bossy. She is intelligent and has an amazing memory. Can anyone point us in the right direction?
     
  2. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Active Member

    :welcomecat:Welcome, Havill. Are you in the U.K.?

    The U.S. advice would be for you to seek a multidisciplinary evaluation to help you to determine what exactly is going on with your daughter. I joined this board many years ago when my son was having similarly exhausting issues. I took him to a children's hospital to be evaluated by a pediatric neurologist.

    I also spent a lot of time asking questions of the older board members in order to find a better way to cope with all the issues.

    I can't speak to the clothing or voluminous toilet paper issues, so I will allow someone else to maybe toss out some ideas on those two issues.

    I did have the "let me put you to bed and get clobbered issue." I'm guessing that your daughter is terrified of being in her room alone. Does she have a nightlight? There may some children's books which address going to bed at night. You can make her some monster spray by putting water in a spray bottle. It is guaranteed to dispel monsters. Will she allow you to read to her in her room or does she have the meltdown before you even make it there?

    By the end of the day, she is tired of dealing with all those itchy woolens that she's been wearing. She is most likely beyond her endurance level. Maybe there is way to completely rework the nighttime ritual in order to make her more comfortable and less combative. One idea that popped into my head was that of using a timer to signal different stages. "Ding!" Now is the time to walk to your room. It makes you less of the bad guy, and the timer more of the bad guy.

    You may also benefit from reading The Explosive Child by Ross Greene (I think that is the author). I had a friend hand me that book and was so relieved to get it. I had already read every last parenting book on the shelf at the library.

    I promise you will figure out better ways to cope with all the issues. Keep reading and asking questions here. If only our children came with instruction manuals . . .
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would take her for a total evaluation, like to a neuropsychologist or a university hospital with differing professionals. Something is going on and you probably can't get her to respond to normal parenting techniques. This is not something you can or should do alone. Please get help. The earlier she starts getting interventions, the better.
    Hugs for your hurting heart.
     
  4. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Active Member

  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Wow, you have your hands full.
    For a minimum, you have a child with sensory issues. She probably feels every little thing, and these drive her crazy all day long. Others have suggested a comprehensive evaluation - whether done by a specialist in comprehensive testing, or by a team, it will require several appointments and 6-10 hours of testing. There will be good information coming out of this. But in the mean time, I would also suggest getting an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation. An Occupational Therapist (OT) can test for a range of challenges, with motor skills and sensory issues being two of them. The Occupational Therapist (OT) also has therapies and interventions that help these issues. And it's usually a lot faster to get in to Occupational Therapist (OT) than to a comprehensive evaluator. Be aware that most comprehensive evaluators will take the Occupational Therapist (OT)'s report into consideration as well.

    We had to pay out-of-pocket for Occupational Therapist (OT), but it was worth it.

    Heads up on the socialization... she may not be doing as well as you think, and it won't show up until later. Even comprehensive evaluators miss this, because a girl can be fairly impaired, and still have better social skills than a perfectly normal, neurotypical boy. And most of the cut-offs are based on worst-case, not gender-specific case. been there done that.
     
  6. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    When my son was her age, he was having extreme nightmares, but I didn't know about it until the counselor told me about them. She told me to put a dream catcher in his window to help catch the bad dreams. She also told me to have him 'knight' his stuffed animals every night and then place them around the room where he thought they would help. It seemed to help a lot because we didn't have to 'knight' his stuffies very long. I also got him a super soft fleece blanket that he always seemed to look forward to sleeping with.

    Good luck!
     
  7. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    I have really no experiences with problems in kids. Mine were, basically, typical, but when they went through phases where they were scared of the dark or going to bed we gave them a flashlight to take to bed with them that they could use if they thought they saw or heard something scary.
     
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