Oy! This boy of mine... LONG

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mstang67chic, Apr 16, 2009.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    ...is driving husband and I nuts. Me more so than husband. I think husband is more frustrated and hurt because he's a man and he can't "fix" difficult child.

    A brief run through to bring you up to speed. At least a few months back, difficult child quit taking his medications and for the entire school year, his second try at graduating HS has been less than stellar, as has his behavior at home. On Wednesday the 1st he was admitted to the psychiatric hospital for a suicide attempt a few days prior and was released the following Monday. Since he's been back home...nothing has changed other than he's (I believe) still taking the medications they put him back on while in the hospital.

    Today, husband was off and called me at work. Seems he got a call from the school. Evidently, difficult child hasn't been going to any of his classes....just roams the halls. (Yeah I know.....WHERE are the school officials when he's doing this.) Today, his Teacher of record found him and took him to the class he was supposed to be in. Once there, difficult child flat out refused to go in so he went to the resource room to do some work. Apparently that bored him so he went roaming again. When found once more, he declared that he was done with school and was quiting. TOR said, ok, fine (difficult child is 19) and took him to the office to do the paperwork. I'm not too clear on this part as husband is at class and I won't get the complete story till later but there was something about another kid there that difficult child knows. difficult child told him bye, told the TOR that they wouldn't see him again and neither would husband and I then left without doing the paperwork. At this point, I told husband to call the police thinking that difficult child was again suicidal. Nope....he just meant that he was not only leaving school but our house too. Right after husband got off the phone with me, difficult child walked in the house. Seems he is moving in with a friend of his (who still lives with HIS parents) and is, as I type this, there (I'm assuming). Ironic part is, this friend is the same one difficult child loaned his cell phone too a few weeks ago. This kid, S, took it to Arkansas and after being asked politely to bring it back, racked up over 400 minutes on it and has "lost" the phone. We suspended the service to it of course and haven't heard one word since.

    This is about the third time difficult child has "moved" out. Although....I did notice that this time his bike is gone and husband made sure the garage was locked up. The HOUSE was wide open but he did remember the garage. But, the lock on the back door is broken anyway so until we get a new one on there, I'll have to rig something up and make sure all the windows are locked.

    But I digress.

    As I said, this is about the third time he's moved and I've had it. husband thinks he'll be back tonight but I really don't care. I'm sick of difficult child "moving" everytime he gets mad at us for expecting him to act in a reasonable manner. And by reasonable I mean speaking with the minimum of respect and courtesy to husband and I, follow the most basic of house rules and pretty much act like a human being who wasn't raised in the wild. Granted, as difficult child's go, we could have it much much worse but I'm still sooooo bleeping sick of this carp.


    Sorry...got distracted by the Schwan's truck stopping at the neighbors. (I kind of hijacked him)

    Anyway, husband is home now. difficult child told him that it's the SCHOOL'S fault all of this happened and besides....WE are the ones pushing for him to finish school. He doesn't WANT to go to school.


    I told husband I'm sick of this and he agrees. Neither of us trust S so husband just left to get a new lock for the back door so we can lock the place up. It won't protect the windows but if difficult child decides to break a window to get in.....more chance of getting caught.

    I had a thought too....can I call the police department and tell them that husband and I are the only residents of our house and no one and/or difficult child is not allowed here when we aren't home? I'm thinking that if the neighbors see difficult child here when we aren't, I can have them call the police (or us) and this could help us if difficult child tries to say that we gave him permission. (which we wouldn't)

    I need a sabbatical from difficult child'dom.

    Sorry this is so long and kudos to you if you read all the way through! LOL I'm just so......I don't even know anymore. Tired, frustrated, fed up, mad, hurt...you all know the drill.

    Thanks for letting me vent.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Hugs I know this is extra hard even if you are ready to lock all the doors and windows and not let him return.

    I think it is a good idea to notify the police and neighbors to have extra eyes on your home for awhile.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Wow. Your plate is overflowing.

    I think its perfectly reasonable to lock the place up. Let the police know about your younger difficult child, tho...don't want him inadvertently exposed to an arrest...but yeah...let them know anyone else is off limits.

    Crazy. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I got more of the story from husband and had to chuckle. difficult child used some trash bags to pack his stuff. One house down from us has an alley on the other side of it. Seems that these trash bags were a bit more than difficult child had anticipated so he left them in the alley. husband got them and threw them in the back of the truck. A bit later, difficult child and his friend S show up to get them. husband asked them if they needed any help taking the bags to S's house and if so, he would be more than happy to take them down in the truck.


    I love that man!

    We also posted a note on the front door. It reads:

    Thursday, April 16, 2009

    difficult child,

    Since you informed us that you are moving out, the house and garage are locked up. If you would like to talk to us about moving back home, you need to wait till at least one of us is home.

    Since you have informed us that you no longer live here, you are not allowed in the house without one of us here.


    Dad and Mom

    You'll notice that I put Dad FIRST. I'm tired of being the bad guy.

    Oh and the Schwan's? Their goulash is DELICIOUS!!!!
  5. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    We just have the one difficult child.

    Don't scare me like that!!!! :tongue:
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Ok...I'm confused... (Sorry - didn't mean to induce panic attacks...)

    Ack! I was thinking of...oh, shoot...Manster, and the older difficult child that moved in there! My bad!!! SORRY!

    I feel like an idiot.

    An idiot with mush for a brain!
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2009
  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    been there done that---own the tshirt. Sorry. It's hard when they don't want to do anything to make their lives better. Mine was like that for a while. And I worked at the high school he attended. I would go, see his parking spot empty, call, and he would try to tell me he was in class. It's almost funny now. Eventually he did graduate. And he has done some college classes. He is now working fulltime--overtime. It took putting him out and making him hit bottom before he decided to change.
  8. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    You're not an idiot and you're fine. Ya just skeered me for a second there! LOL
  9. ML

    ML Guest

    I think your plan is a good one. I too am sorry you're having to deal with all of this. It gets to be way too much at times.


    PS Shari I just love you
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hey, at least I feel I have a purpose! Comic relief is better than wandering aimlessly! :)
  11. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    You did the right thing. My dtr wanted to treat our house as a hotel too--just come and live there for a few days when she needed a shower or sleep and then be off to Gosh knows where whenever she felt like it. No rules applied to her, nothing was her fault, etc. Your difficult child is 19, he can find his own place and you don't owe him anything. Enjoy your peace and quiet!
  12. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I know the feeling about not wanting your difficult child to be allowed in your home when your not there. difficult child 1 has NEVER been given a key to our house and NEVER will be given one. We don't trust him either.

    I've just about had it too - difficult child 1 turned 18 a little over a week ago. He believes that it is his right to be treated as an adult in my home - He blew up because he isn't allowed to remain at home (playing computer games, refusing to do anything at all to help out, destroying things that don't belong to him, possibly stealing, etc... ) when either husband or I aren't here. After his outburst, I told him calmly that if he doesn't like the rules here, he can leave whenever he wants to. He actually shut up, went to his bedroom and slammed the door. He isn't ready to give up his free meal ticket just yet... However, that day is quickly approaching!!!

    You've done everything humanly possible to help your difficult child. If he refuses to help himself, it is HIS problem. HE will have to deal with the negative consequences. Think one word - DETACHMENT. (I'm hoping I'll be able to follow my own advice when difficult child 1 moves out at the end of June, beginning of July.)

    I think it is perfectly reasonable to do everything you can to keep your difficult child out of your home when you're not there. It is YOUR house, you pay the bills, etc... Your difficult child has to realize that he can't treat you like carp, leave whenever he wants to, and return whenever he wants to. It is time for him to face reality - He can't keep treating you like dirt and expect you to just take it... You have a right to a calm, peaceful home!!!

    by the way we don't have anything like Schwan's in our area. You're making me hungry!!! Knock it off, lol...

    Update when you can. I have a feeling I could end up in your position soon:(:mad:...

    Anyway, thinking of you and hoping your weekend will be uneventful!!! WFEN
  13. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Gotta love that sense of entitlement. Not.

    Doesn't this stuff just make you tired? :faint:
  14. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    husband said that difficult child tried to come in the house around 2am last night but I didn't hear a thing. husband informed the neighbors of what was going on and told them to call one of us if they saw difficult child trying to get in. I wondered what I would find today when I got home from work. So far, no broken windows and the house was still locked up. No word either from difficult child.