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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 86459" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>At least you will get your driveway shovelled this winter!</p><p></p><p>It IS hard, when you find out all this. People either assume you already know and don't want to compound your pain, or they're scared to tell you because some women are OK with this sort of behaviour as long as they don't know OFFICIALLY - and if they DO get told, it's a case of shoot the messenger. My sister was like this - she had said to her husband for years, "If I ever find out you're cheating on me, you will be out that door so fast your head will spin." But when it came down to it, a number of friends tried to tell her and she cut them out of her life for "disloyalty" and "making up lies". When she finally DID throw him out (she caught him out, herself - couldn't deny that one) a lot of old friends who had been avoiding her, came up to her to congratulate her. Suddenly doors opened which had previously been closed - because of him, he had been such a social embarrassment.</p><p></p><p>He had made her so insecure and feel so unworthy, that her greatest fear was of being rejected and alone. Instead, HE was the one who found himself rejected. When he announced he was now "available" a number of his 'girlfriends' shut him out. They didn't want anything serious with him, his unavailability was more important to them.</p><p></p><p>Also, with men of a certain age - they still cannot see in the mirror, the grey hairs, the comb-over, the paunch - instead they still see the rakish young man who swept you off your feet. They think the girls are smiling at them provocatively, when in fact they're laughing.</p><p></p><p>Karen, you're moving on well and healthily. Carry on!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 86459, member: 1991"] At least you will get your driveway shovelled this winter! It IS hard, when you find out all this. People either assume you already know and don't want to compound your pain, or they're scared to tell you because some women are OK with this sort of behaviour as long as they don't know OFFICIALLY - and if they DO get told, it's a case of shoot the messenger. My sister was like this - she had said to her husband for years, "If I ever find out you're cheating on me, you will be out that door so fast your head will spin." But when it came down to it, a number of friends tried to tell her and she cut them out of her life for "disloyalty" and "making up lies". When she finally DID throw him out (she caught him out, herself - couldn't deny that one) a lot of old friends who had been avoiding her, came up to her to congratulate her. Suddenly doors opened which had previously been closed - because of him, he had been such a social embarrassment. He had made her so insecure and feel so unworthy, that her greatest fear was of being rejected and alone. Instead, HE was the one who found himself rejected. When he announced he was now "available" a number of his 'girlfriends' shut him out. They didn't want anything serious with him, his unavailability was more important to them. Also, with men of a certain age - they still cannot see in the mirror, the grey hairs, the comb-over, the paunch - instead they still see the rakish young man who swept you off your feet. They think the girls are smiling at them provocatively, when in fact they're laughing. Karen, you're moving on well and healthily. Carry on! Marg [/QUOTE]
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