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General Parenting
painful update and personal question
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 56594" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm wondering - your emotions are so raw right now, you're holding yourself together with string and sealing wax and HAVE to be holding yourself together so you can have everything organised (meals, the house, doctor's appointments, school, etc) that you've shoved your emotions onto the back burner. Because if you dare to take them out and look at them, you'll fall apart. At least that's what you're shielding yourself from. It's what we do, when we're parents, when we feel everyone relies on us. But the day will come when your mind will step in and arrange things for you. If it gets really bad, it's what used to be called a nervous breakdown. If the trauma you're shielding yourself from was severe enough, that's when you will break out with symptoms of PTSD - when your brain thinks it's time you handled it all.</p><p>But at some point you have to take out your emotions, dust them off and examine them. You need to. Right now you don't feel you can afford the luxury, but when you can and as you can, try to get in touch with yourself.</p><p></p><p>I think right now you're scared of opening the floodgates, so you're sticking with the facts, the information and the basics. I'm not critical of you for doing this - it's what I do, too. But I've been through this and know what happens next.</p><p></p><p>Are you seeing your own counsellor? Do you feel you could talk to someone? I went through a phase where I felt there was no counsellor who I liked or trusted enough, but I did ring help lines a few times. I hated crying down the phone to someone, even a total stranger, because I hated the sounds of sympathy from the other end, that only made my tears harder to control. But in the long run, they did help me find where my feelings were in all of it. Between the occasional counsellor I DID trust, and a few very close friends who said little but asked the occasional pertinent question, and my own soul probing, I got through it all and now recognise how to maintain my own sanity and teach my family to not need me so much.</p><p></p><p>A needy family can be a crippling thing, emotionally.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 56594, member: 1991"] I'm wondering - your emotions are so raw right now, you're holding yourself together with string and sealing wax and HAVE to be holding yourself together so you can have everything organised (meals, the house, doctor's appointments, school, etc) that you've shoved your emotions onto the back burner. Because if you dare to take them out and look at them, you'll fall apart. At least that's what you're shielding yourself from. It's what we do, when we're parents, when we feel everyone relies on us. But the day will come when your mind will step in and arrange things for you. If it gets really bad, it's what used to be called a nervous breakdown. If the trauma you're shielding yourself from was severe enough, that's when you will break out with symptoms of PTSD - when your brain thinks it's time you handled it all. But at some point you have to take out your emotions, dust them off and examine them. You need to. Right now you don't feel you can afford the luxury, but when you can and as you can, try to get in touch with yourself. I think right now you're scared of opening the floodgates, so you're sticking with the facts, the information and the basics. I'm not critical of you for doing this - it's what I do, too. But I've been through this and know what happens next. Are you seeing your own counsellor? Do you feel you could talk to someone? I went through a phase where I felt there was no counsellor who I liked or trusted enough, but I did ring help lines a few times. I hated crying down the phone to someone, even a total stranger, because I hated the sounds of sympathy from the other end, that only made my tears harder to control. But in the long run, they did help me find where my feelings were in all of it. Between the occasional counsellor I DID trust, and a few very close friends who said little but asked the occasional pertinent question, and my own soul probing, I got through it all and now recognise how to maintain my own sanity and teach my family to not need me so much. A needy family can be a crippling thing, emotionally. Marg [/QUOTE]
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