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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 126375" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I do think a big part of it may have been because it was in front of difficult child. But the precedent has been set now, with this employer.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad he still comes to you to talk - that's a HUGE bonus. Can you move him into the "house rules" courtesy thing, where EVERYBODY tells people (at least the cook) who is going where, and when? There are so many reasons to do this that go far and above "checking up" on people. </p><p></p><p>For example, I go out to the shop. "I'm going to the shop - does anybody want anything? Is there anything we need that hasn't been put on the shopping list yet?"</p><p>I might add, "I'm dropping in on my friend's place on the way home, if you're looking for me."</p><p>The kids then roll their eyes and say, "See you next year," but they know they can call me at her place if they need me for something.</p><p></p><p>I just asked easy child 2/difficult child 2 what her shifts were this week. "I want to know if you finish early on Thursday, I might need a lift home from the hospital."</p><p>She told me her shifts which included info that she is home all day Thursday, so I asked her if she would come and get me if I needed her to, and if she will keep an eye on difficult child 3 for me.</p><p></p><p>mother in law tells us when she's going out, so we know when to expect her home in case she isn't home and we're worried abut her (she's getting old and frail).</p><p></p><p>husband rings me from work just as he's leaving, so I know roughly when he should be home. Or he might say, "Don't forget I'm seeing the doctor tonight," so I won't worry.</p><p></p><p>I need to know if my kids will be coming home or staying overnight with friends, so I know to leave the light on for them if they're coming home, or lock the door and stop wasting electricity, if they're sleeping over.</p><p></p><p>I need to know who is going to be home for meals, so I can cater well ahead.</p><p></p><p>These days with mobile phones, it's easier to make contact with your kids and say, "Are you OK? Only I just heard there was a big accident on the freeway and I was worried you might have been in that area." So kids are less inclined to give us specifics about where they're going, and when. But when they'll be back - it's still needed.</p><p>And with the "where, and who with" - it's still important for us, because I might have some errand they can run in that general direction. "Oh, you're seeing John? Can you please return this book I borrowed from his mother?"</p><p>Or I might add, "If you and John are going to the mall, I'm going there later myself. Do you want a lift home? I could drop John home too, on the way."</p><p></p><p>It's all part of family interconnecting. Even if privately that is not your aim, it can at least be a public reason.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 126375, member: 1991"] I do think a big part of it may have been because it was in front of difficult child. But the precedent has been set now, with this employer. I'm glad he still comes to you to talk - that's a HUGE bonus. Can you move him into the "house rules" courtesy thing, where EVERYBODY tells people (at least the cook) who is going where, and when? There are so many reasons to do this that go far and above "checking up" on people. For example, I go out to the shop. "I'm going to the shop - does anybody want anything? Is there anything we need that hasn't been put on the shopping list yet?" I might add, "I'm dropping in on my friend's place on the way home, if you're looking for me." The kids then roll their eyes and say, "See you next year," but they know they can call me at her place if they need me for something. I just asked easy child 2/difficult child 2 what her shifts were this week. "I want to know if you finish early on Thursday, I might need a lift home from the hospital." She told me her shifts which included info that she is home all day Thursday, so I asked her if she would come and get me if I needed her to, and if she will keep an eye on difficult child 3 for me. mother in law tells us when she's going out, so we know when to expect her home in case she isn't home and we're worried abut her (she's getting old and frail). husband rings me from work just as he's leaving, so I know roughly when he should be home. Or he might say, "Don't forget I'm seeing the doctor tonight," so I won't worry. I need to know if my kids will be coming home or staying overnight with friends, so I know to leave the light on for them if they're coming home, or lock the door and stop wasting electricity, if they're sleeping over. I need to know who is going to be home for meals, so I can cater well ahead. These days with mobile phones, it's easier to make contact with your kids and say, "Are you OK? Only I just heard there was a big accident on the freeway and I was worried you might have been in that area." So kids are less inclined to give us specifics about where they're going, and when. But when they'll be back - it's still needed. And with the "where, and who with" - it's still important for us, because I might have some errand they can run in that general direction. "Oh, you're seeing John? Can you please return this book I borrowed from his mother?" Or I might add, "If you and John are going to the mall, I'm going there later myself. Do you want a lift home? I could drop John home too, on the way." It's all part of family interconnecting. Even if privately that is not your aim, it can at least be a public reason. Marg [/QUOTE]
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