Parent-Teacher meeting--aaaiyaiyai!!!

[Childofmine]

Terry is he willing to go to Job Corps? Rehab? Anywhere and do anything?

I understand that you want to present him with options. But if he refuses all of the options, then what?

My son refused every single idea and option I presented him with. The first time he went to jail and got out and walked to my house, I had him in rehab within 24 hours, through force and manipulation (my own). I spent $6000 and he stayed 30 days and walked out and started it all over again. He wasn't ready.

I'm sure no one on this earth could have convinced me at that time not to do that, and I so understand your heart here.

You can only do what you can live with Terry, but it sounds like he is not changing a bit even in the midst of changing circumstances like the baby.

Terry, the sooner you can back away from him in a loving way (that's hard to do), the sooner he can start finding out who he is. That might be pretty hard to watch for a long time. It was in my case. But that is the only way my son was going to learn anything about real life.

It's really hard when some people in this world have to do absolutely everything the hardest possible way. That's my son. And it's harder than hard for those who love them to stand by and watch. But that is exactly what we have to learn how to do. If we don't, we are dooming them to a crippling life. We are literally robbing them of a chance to grow up, change and take responsibility. There is no guarantee that they will do that, when we finally stop, but I believe that is their only chance to do it.

this is very very hard stuff to do, Terry. It takes time and it takes walking the road, step by step, yourself, until you get to the point that you are really ready to take the hard steps, and then, it is still very very hard to actually follow through with.

You have to be completely sick and tired. Past sick and tired. Weary to the bone.

Keep us posted on you. We know this is not an easy path, and there is no way to do this perfectly. Hang in there. We care.

 

[AppleCori]

How are you doing today, Terri?

And how are those precious dogs doing?

 

[TerryJ2]

I talked to Job Corps. He has to be street-drug free. That's going to be tough.

Also, husband took away his phone in the middle of the night, but did not discuss the reasons with him when he woke up this a.m.
Difficult Child wandered around for an hr looking for the phone. I sat down and talked to him. Now he won't go to school with-o his phone. He feels insecure without it. I'm trying to get him to do makeup work at home until he calms down. I don't want a scene.
He's never going to graduate. If he won't willingly do the work, I won't force the issue.

Kathy813, your daughter is 30 now. My son is 18 going on 8. What turned her around, other than you letting go? Did you kick her out?

We talked to our lawyer yesterday. He did not like the idea of kicking him out, although he said he wasn't sure why the school system was being so stubborn about insisting that he is our responsibility so he is going to research it. He suggested waiting until Difficult Child steals again or aggressively confronts me and then we call 911, and then having a police ofcr take him in. That way we can get Difficult Child into whatever program we want, instead of going to jail. We'll see how it pans out. I have to remember to say "mental health crisis" instead of simple assault so they send the right officers. I hope I remember when I'm in the thick of it.

Meanwhile, Difficult Child took a shower today for the first time in nearly 2 wks. I am very thankful. My nose is thankful.

 

[TerryJ2]

Hmm. A bunch of new notes popped up after I posted.

Anyway, husband and I agreed that a 30-day stay at rehab isn't good enough. That's why I like Teen Challenge and Job Corps. We've watched our niece go through this. 30-day stays were useless, and also, too close to home. I want something at least 3 hrs away. It's got to be a total life-changer, not a stop-gap measure.

 

[TerryJ2]

Adad, love is blind. And stupid. Totally stupid. The ex-girlfriend with the baby just wants someone, anyone, to love her. Her parents are emotionally abusive.
Current girlfriend is a Wild Child and a straight-A student. She's happy with her boy-toy for the moment.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you for the bumper idea. I will cut apart the cone and use it for the bumper guard.
Bumper Buddy DIY

 

[Lil]

I talked to Job Corps. He has to be street-drug free. That's going to be tough.

You may remember our kid's abbreviated "I'm going to Job Corps" phase this year. I went to the orientation with him and the boys were told they will drug test when they get there. If they fail, they don't kick them out, but they will be testing and keeping a close eye on them after. They can't test positive while there to anything, including alcohol. So not a deal-breaker if they test positive when they arrive, but best not to.

He's never going to graduate. If he won't willingly do the work, I won't force the issue.

Never is a long time. Lots of people go back and get their GED after they grow up. Never say never Terry.

 

[TerryJ2]

I did not know that he could test positive for Job Corps. Hmm.

 

[Lil]

Different places might have different rules.

 

[pasajes4]

They (Job Corp) will test again in 45 days. Many of the kids at job corps have used drugs prior to going there. Courts have ordered kids to attend in order to give a floundering kid a chance to do something positive with their life.

 

[TerryJ2]

by the way, Bumper Buddy is not going to work for my dog. He has broken and knocked over way too many things in the past week with his cone than he has in his entire lifetime. I took it off for a day and he was a bit more delicate. Still, he's big, and the Bumper will get caught on things. I am returning the harness, unused, and will not bother with it. I'll just keep him on a leash tied to my belt or belt loops.