I don't know what your living situation is,since you wrote "He constantly tells me that he does not have to listen to me since this is not my house." Your post stuck out to me, because I am my difficult child's maternal aunt and legal guardian, and I have heard too many times, "You're not my mom!" I countered with, "I'm your parent. I am 100% responsible for your needs and your behaviors." She's 17 now, and understands that much better today than she did as a very young child. My advice is to remind your son that you are the mommy, and that mommies are in charge of their children wherever they are. I read The Explosive Child many years ago. I remember Basket A for non-negotiable items that you will endure a meltdown for -- which is safety for all. Basket B -- important items that you don't want to tolerate, but will accept, which will avert a meltdown even though you won't like it (swearing, sporadic school attendance). Basket C - unimportant items (forgotten chores, cleanliness of bedroom) that are not worth having a meltdown. The other part is learning to detach. Much easier said than done. Hope others will join in soon with other ideas. Mantra to repeat: "I AM the mommy. He is the little kid.!"