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General Parenting
Parenting difficult child makes me feel so inadequate
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 187115" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I know you don't want to hear this but it is what it is -- ask most mothers of 13 YO girls and you're going to hear that they've all heard their little darlings say pretty much the same type of things. Kids at 13, especially girls, hate their lives. They have fantasies of being switched at birth and finding their "real parents" who will give them such a better life. They think that if they live with the non-custodial parent, their lives will improve. So, a lot of what you're hearing is very typical for her age (sorry).</p><p> </p><p>Trying to fix things isn't a bad thing in general. It becomes a problem when the other person really doesn't want it fixed. W's at an age when misery is a great way to live. So, you're right, quit trying to fix, listen and let her come up with her own solutions. Not easy, but it might make things a little easier for you.</p><p> </p><p>As to you, you're anything but an inadequate parent. You've given your kids such great tools already to survive as adults. W wouldn't be a fighter if she hadn't learned it from you. D wouldn't have his empathy and willingness to help (unless he's in brat mode) without seeing your example.</p><p> </p><p>You really need to get some rhino skin and then wear the warrior mom armor on top of it. W is going to say a lot more things in the next few years that are going to cut to the core. It goes with the territory. When she says them, take a good look at your children. See all they have accomplished, their abilities, etc. Be proud of the people they are and ignore the idiotic words spewing out of your child -- your kids would never be the people they are without your guidance and example. </p><p> </p><p>This might be a good time to start practicing those growing phrases: "I'm sorry you feel that way." "Let me know if you think there's something I can do to help." "I'm sure you'll find a way to get through this." "Is there something you want me to do about your problem or do you want to solve it on your own?" "Would a hug help?"</p><p> </p><p>You have a child that will talk to you, something many of us don't. So, use that conversational skill and let her tell you what she wants. Mine will occasionally talk to me. The rest of the time I have to guess what is going on. When she does talk, I ask what she wants, what she thinks she wants me to do, etc. The answers have surprised me at times. Most of the time, she didn't want me to do anything other than be there and be her supporter. Those are things you and I can do easily for our kids because we do cheer for them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 187115, member: 3626"] I know you don't want to hear this but it is what it is -- ask most mothers of 13 YO girls and you're going to hear that they've all heard their little darlings say pretty much the same type of things. Kids at 13, especially girls, hate their lives. They have fantasies of being switched at birth and finding their "real parents" who will give them such a better life. They think that if they live with the non-custodial parent, their lives will improve. So, a lot of what you're hearing is very typical for her age (sorry). Trying to fix things isn't a bad thing in general. It becomes a problem when the other person really doesn't want it fixed. W's at an age when misery is a great way to live. So, you're right, quit trying to fix, listen and let her come up with her own solutions. Not easy, but it might make things a little easier for you. As to you, you're anything but an inadequate parent. You've given your kids such great tools already to survive as adults. W wouldn't be a fighter if she hadn't learned it from you. D wouldn't have his empathy and willingness to help (unless he's in brat mode) without seeing your example. You really need to get some rhino skin and then wear the warrior mom armor on top of it. W is going to say a lot more things in the next few years that are going to cut to the core. It goes with the territory. When she says them, take a good look at your children. See all they have accomplished, their abilities, etc. Be proud of the people they are and ignore the idiotic words spewing out of your child -- your kids would never be the people they are without your guidance and example. This might be a good time to start practicing those growing phrases: "I'm sorry you feel that way." "Let me know if you think there's something I can do to help." "I'm sure you'll find a way to get through this." "Is there something you want me to do about your problem or do you want to solve it on your own?" "Would a hug help?" You have a child that will talk to you, something many of us don't. So, use that conversational skill and let her tell you what she wants. Mine will occasionally talk to me. The rest of the time I have to guess what is going on. When she does talk, I ask what she wants, what she thinks she wants me to do, etc. The answers have surprised me at times. Most of the time, she didn't want me to do anything other than be there and be her supporter. Those are things you and I can do easily for our kids because we do cheer for them. [/QUOTE]
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Parenting difficult child makes me feel so inadequate
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