Parenting of adult addict with baby

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Rage angel, Oct 10, 2014.

  1. Rage angel

    Rage angel New Member

    My daughter is 21 and she has a six month old baby. She has no job and no way of supporting baby. The baby's father is a heroin addict also but at least he recently got a job but my daughter and the baby do not live with him. She lives with me. She steals from my home calls me names and really takes advantage because she knows I want to protect the baby and doesn't think I will kick her out. Which is partly true. I continue to put up with disrespect and lies. She has recently been arrested for possesion and the baby was with her. They did not take the baby. They called me to get her. Problem is what do I do? Tough love doesn't work so well here I worry about what will happen to the baby so I continue to be abused. I find pipes in her purse and bottles of urine. Help! What do I do?
     
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I only have very gentle hugs for your hurting mommy heart. How dare she use that precious baby to continue to abuse you. Others will come along with more experience in this area.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is not something I say lightly because I understand your strong mother/daughter bond. But you have a baby here. Maybe you can get custody, if you want it. I would definitely call CPS to keep an eye on your daughter and the baby's father if it were me. And, if possible, I'd try to get guardianship (thankfully, I"m still healthy, but your situation may be different). There is no way your grandbaby will be ok if her mother has custody and can take off with her at any time, doing drugs around her.

    I would prefer a grandbaby of mine go to a stable foster family than stay with a child of mine who is on drugs. That is in case I could not take over, at least for a while. And at our ages, we may not WANT to either, but we do care about innocent grandchild's safety. Yes, it sets us against our grown daughters, but morally...what else can we do? Our adult children ARE adults. A baby is helpless.

    I am not 100% sure what I'd do in this situation as I've never faced it. I do love kids and have adopted and done foster care and I know myself well. I would not allow my daughter this free ride and total control over an innocent baby. I would turn her in, even if it meant she'd hate me. It is a hard decision, and none of us will judge any choice you make, but your grandbaby doesn't need the strife in your house and possibly being exposed to the druggie friends and parties your daughter sees and attends.

    And you don't deserve abuse and fear from your daughter. A good resource is your closest Domestic Abuse center. You are being abused by a family member and they tend to have good resources to possibly help your situation. Try it!

    Big hugs. Try to enjoy your day.
     
  4. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    I would turn her in too. When you find the drug paraphernalia just call the police. Not only will that help social services see what is going on but it will give you priority of taking care of the grand-baby because it will show you are capable of standing up to the baby's difficult child. I think that having the backbone to do this is one of the bigger and more honest challenges you are facing here. If you can remove your difficult child abuser from your home and ensure the babies safety, you will be go a long way to stabilizing yourself and your own mental and emotional health not to mention the baby's. Honestly what you are saying here is that the baby is not safe in the situation - but you haven't gotten yourself to the point of understanding that you can do something, the right something, in this situation.
     
  5. Rage angel

    Rage angel New Member

     
  6. Rage angel

    Rage angel New Member

     
  7. Rage angel

    Rage angel New Member

    Actually I have done all of that. I have called probation. CPS has came to my house. They are concerned but not really doing enough. I'm trying for guardianship but it takes forever. On the meantime she uses the baby against me and takes advantage of me. Our legal system is a failure. Her charges were dropped and she didn't get a probation violation. I'm so frustrated.
     
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I feel your frustration. My daughter and her one year old live with us, too. She is doing well and while she is not working, either, she is not doing drugs or anything illegal. She is literally a full time mother. (Though we are putting our foots up her butt to go back to school for a degree in SOMETHING).

    If she were to go back to drugs, my husband and I already discussed that we will do anything and everything to protect our grandson!! He means the WORLD to us. I never knew I would love my grandchild so fiercely. But my gosh, he holds our hearts in his hands.

    Yes, I would do EVERYTHING I possibly could to make sure he was safe. If she went back to drugs after all this, I would have nothing left to say to her and would not even want to look at her so I would not care if she hated me. Wouldn't affect me a bit. As long as that precious baby was okay, I have peace.

    Prayers and hugs to you!!!
     
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wish I had something to offer you. My biggest fear was that my daughter would become pregnant and I would be faced with a responsibility I was not prepared or willing to accept. All I can do is send caring hugs.
     
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I will warn you that it is very hard to get CPS to do anything about a parent on drugs. Especially if she is living with you or has a roof over her head. I have a bit of experience with this though I am not going into this on here.
     
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