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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 9989" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p>Kids have to see themselves as part of the solution and have a vision for the future.</p><p>Rewards, punishments and consequences gets in the way. Instead of reflecting on one's actions and the consequences they have on others and one's future , reinforcements just teach the kid to ask the question , what's in it for me , what will I get or what will be done to me , instead of reflecting about what type of person do I want to become , what kind of school, classroom , family or community do I want these social units to be. Sometimes , serving a consequence is taken by the child as I have paid a price , I don't need to change. Maybe I will start a thread on parenting philosophies. I have always been an advocate of ' working with ' , problem solving approaches like Collaborative problem solving - Explosive child , Myrna Shure series etc as opposed to ' doing to' a kid. The author Alfie Kohn - Unconditional parenting has rounded my parenting approach by talking about education and character building. He also wrote a book on schools whose principle applies in the home as well - from Compliance to community - as the title implies if kids are educated to expereince intrinsic reward and fulfillment from being cooperative , caring and kind , take the perspectives and feelings of others into consideration, understand the value of a community , you can move away from control and compliance.</p><p><a href="http://alfiekohn.org" target="_blank">http://alfiekohn.org</a> check the articles</p><p><a href="http://empathic-discipline.com/talk/YaBB.pl" target="_blank">http://empathic-discipline.com/talk/YaBB.pl</a> - forum that focuses on ' working with' approaches like UP - unconditional parenting , NVC - non violent communication , the Explosive child , Playful parenting. Although not specifically for difficult children , I think parenting philosophies do influence our approach to kids and even more so when we are passed the been there done that stage and see parenting as something more than just becoming functional and putting out fires.</p><p>Education is a long process, we don't want to change behavior , we want to change the person</p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 9989, member: 10"] Hi, Kids have to see themselves as part of the solution and have a vision for the future. Rewards, punishments and consequences gets in the way. Instead of reflecting on one's actions and the consequences they have on others and one's future , reinforcements just teach the kid to ask the question , what's in it for me , what will I get or what will be done to me , instead of reflecting about what type of person do I want to become , what kind of school, classroom , family or community do I want these social units to be. Sometimes , serving a consequence is taken by the child as I have paid a price , I don't need to change. Maybe I will start a thread on parenting philosophies. I have always been an advocate of ' working with ' , problem solving approaches like Collaborative problem solving - Explosive child , Myrna Shure series etc as opposed to ' doing to' a kid. The author Alfie Kohn - Unconditional parenting has rounded my parenting approach by talking about education and character building. He also wrote a book on schools whose principle applies in the home as well - from Compliance to community - as the title implies if kids are educated to expereince intrinsic reward and fulfillment from being cooperative , caring and kind , take the perspectives and feelings of others into consideration, understand the value of a community , you can move away from control and compliance. [url="http://alfiekohn.org"]http://alfiekohn.org[/url] check the articles [url="http://empathic-discipline.com/talk/YaBB.pl"]http://empathic-discipline.com/talk/YaBB.pl[/url] - forum that focuses on ' working with' approaches like UP - unconditional parenting , NVC - non violent communication , the Explosive child , Playful parenting. Although not specifically for difficult children , I think parenting philosophies do influence our approach to kids and even more so when we are passed the been there done that stage and see parenting as something more than just becoming functional and putting out fires. Education is a long process, we don't want to change behavior , we want to change the person Allan [/QUOTE]
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