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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 171805"><p>I think about this subject a lot. It seems that we are discussing this subject only as it pertains to this board, so I'll address that first.</p><p></p><p>I tend to give the benefit of doubt and assume that parents that come to this board and pour out their hearts truly love their children and want to do what's best for them. We have had some that clearly think they can force they're child into being better by round hole - square peg parenting. They don't tend to last too long here. I also realize that we all are all human and are, therefore, all fallible and we make parenting mistakes every day of the week. We have weak moments, frustration, or sometimes cave for just a moments peace. </p><p></p><p>I can't remember anyone ever saying 'you are the reason your child has this disability'. However, if someone posts here and asks for advice, opinions, etc, they open the door to just that. I know some people have advised me to do things with my daughter that I don't feel are in her best interest or that are helpful long term and in some cases, knowing my daughter as I do, would set any progress back. I'm sure people have been annoyed that I don't agree with their opinions. And I admit that I sometimes get frustrated hearing 'this is what you should do' when I've already explained why I don't. I know my child best. I am open to suggestions, but some things I'm firm on. Some things I'm firm on just for that moment in time because of her volatile state, while others I'm just flat out firm on. Totally confused? I second-guess myself every single day. And every day I try to do the best with what I know and feel in my gut. But, it takes a lot to post about my daughter and when I do, I'm usually feeling beaten down and/or very frustrated and helpless. While I may WANT to hear, 'you're doing such a wonderful job' it may not necessarily be what I NEED to hear if I could be doing better. And sometimes it's hard to swallow. It still doesn't mean I don't need to hear it.</p><p></p><p>That's the beauty of this board, though. I do learn things that I had never considered before. Even the things I don't agree with at the time of the post, may become relevant at a later time. Something may happen and I can say, ohhhhh...what so and so recommended would really be helpful here. Or the experience/insight of those that have gone before may seem so foreign to me that I'm not ready to accept them at that time. But the member has been gracious enough to share it with me and I keep it tucked away.</p><p></p><p>I've found myself using techniques lately and then thinking afterward, 'well, I just help the mirror up to my child' (one of Fran's lines) or something else that another member has shared. It's pretty neat that I have this community that I belong to where I can share and learn these skills and techniques or even give a name to something I've been doing all along. I feel like you guys are here supporting me even when I'm not online. LOL</p><p></p><p>Ok. Enough rambling.</p><p></p><p>In real life, though, I seem to find a lot lacking with parenting. It seems that a lot of parents don't really parent anymore. They feed, clothe, and send to school, but there's just not a lot of parenting going on. </p><p></p><p>The child that I used to call difficult child 2 or my second son, since December was first on house arrest, then in drug rehab, then in foster care. He's now in his second placement because he ran away from the first home. He just turned 16. He would have been a challenging child no matter what, but he was never a priority to either one of his parents, he never had stability and his parents stuck their heads in the sand. It's devastating to me and I am so angry at his parents that I have no words. Maybe even if they had done something to help him this still would have happened, but I feel like they never gave him a chance. And why he's in foster care, I don't know. He was never violent at home. There was never concern for someone's safety, unless something has drastically changed in the last year. His mom is a stay at home mom. You stick a kid that never felt wanted in foster care and what do you think you're going to get?</p><p></p><p>I also still have 2 extra kids at my house. They've been here since Sunday. They left Thursday afternoon and returned Friday evening. When the kids are here even when my son isn't and they like to hang out and just chat with me it makes you wonder what they're missing at home. I promise, I'm not that exciting. And they don't come here and have no rules. They have rules and responsibilities and I expect certain behavior. I do let them be kids, but they have rules. So many parents around here let their children sleep over with their girlfriend/boyfriend. They're take is that they're going to do it anyway so I'd rather them do it here. How is that a valid argument? Where is the parenting in that? It is still our responsibility to teach our values and morals and to limit temptation - especially with a teen's impulsiveness. A toddler might still try to touch a hot stove even if you tell him no; it doesn't mean you let him do it anyway.</p><p></p><p>And then there's this. Can we all just agree that this is bad parenting?</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25504304/" target="_blank">http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25504304/</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 171805"] I think about this subject a lot. It seems that we are discussing this subject only as it pertains to this board, so I'll address that first. I tend to give the benefit of doubt and assume that parents that come to this board and pour out their hearts truly love their children and want to do what's best for them. We have had some that clearly think they can force they're child into being better by round hole - square peg parenting. They don't tend to last too long here. I also realize that we all are all human and are, therefore, all fallible and we make parenting mistakes every day of the week. We have weak moments, frustration, or sometimes cave for just a moments peace. I can't remember anyone ever saying 'you are the reason your child has this disability'. However, if someone posts here and asks for advice, opinions, etc, they open the door to just that. I know some people have advised me to do things with my daughter that I don't feel are in her best interest or that are helpful long term and in some cases, knowing my daughter as I do, would set any progress back. I'm sure people have been annoyed that I don't agree with their opinions. And I admit that I sometimes get frustrated hearing 'this is what you should do' when I've already explained why I don't. I know my child best. I am open to suggestions, but some things I'm firm on. Some things I'm firm on just for that moment in time because of her volatile state, while others I'm just flat out firm on. Totally confused? I second-guess myself every single day. And every day I try to do the best with what I know and feel in my gut. But, it takes a lot to post about my daughter and when I do, I'm usually feeling beaten down and/or very frustrated and helpless. While I may WANT to hear, 'you're doing such a wonderful job' it may not necessarily be what I NEED to hear if I could be doing better. And sometimes it's hard to swallow. It still doesn't mean I don't need to hear it. That's the beauty of this board, though. I do learn things that I had never considered before. Even the things I don't agree with at the time of the post, may become relevant at a later time. Something may happen and I can say, ohhhhh...what so and so recommended would really be helpful here. Or the experience/insight of those that have gone before may seem so foreign to me that I'm not ready to accept them at that time. But the member has been gracious enough to share it with me and I keep it tucked away. I've found myself using techniques lately and then thinking afterward, 'well, I just help the mirror up to my child' (one of Fran's lines) or something else that another member has shared. It's pretty neat that I have this community that I belong to where I can share and learn these skills and techniques or even give a name to something I've been doing all along. I feel like you guys are here supporting me even when I'm not online. LOL Ok. Enough rambling. In real life, though, I seem to find a lot lacking with parenting. It seems that a lot of parents don't really parent anymore. They feed, clothe, and send to school, but there's just not a lot of parenting going on. The child that I used to call difficult child 2 or my second son, since December was first on house arrest, then in drug rehab, then in foster care. He's now in his second placement because he ran away from the first home. He just turned 16. He would have been a challenging child no matter what, but he was never a priority to either one of his parents, he never had stability and his parents stuck their heads in the sand. It's devastating to me and I am so angry at his parents that I have no words. Maybe even if they had done something to help him this still would have happened, but I feel like they never gave him a chance. And why he's in foster care, I don't know. He was never violent at home. There was never concern for someone's safety, unless something has drastically changed in the last year. His mom is a stay at home mom. You stick a kid that never felt wanted in foster care and what do you think you're going to get? I also still have 2 extra kids at my house. They've been here since Sunday. They left Thursday afternoon and returned Friday evening. When the kids are here even when my son isn't and they like to hang out and just chat with me it makes you wonder what they're missing at home. I promise, I'm not that exciting. And they don't come here and have no rules. They have rules and responsibilities and I expect certain behavior. I do let them be kids, but they have rules. So many parents around here let their children sleep over with their girlfriend/boyfriend. They're take is that they're going to do it anyway so I'd rather them do it here. How is that a valid argument? Where is the parenting in that? It is still our responsibility to teach our values and morals and to limit temptation - especially with a teen's impulsiveness. A toddler might still try to touch a hot stove even if you tell him no; it doesn't mean you let him do it anyway. And then there's this. Can we all just agree that this is bad parenting? [URL]http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25504304/[/URL] [/QUOTE]
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