I just rec'd a call from difficult child's parole officer. (We don't even know how long difficult child is going to be incarcerated yet.) Anyway, he seemed real nice and I mentioned a few of my concerns that resulted from the way things were while difficult child was on probation. He said we can work all that out and make things clear to difficult child right before he is released and returns home. He said I won't have any requirements I have to meet or things I have to do in order for difficult child to be released to me (ie- parenting classes, therapy, etc) but I have to come in and sign a supervisory agreement before difficult child's staff meeting in 2 weeks. He said this is an agreement stating that I will visit him and supoport the system while difficult child is incarcerated and that I will agree to supervisory rules when he gets out. Oh boy. What worries me is that this is going to be another agreement to "do whatever he says" and of course, I have no idea what he's going to tell us the rules are. He said difficult child will have a mentor upon release- ok - I'm in total agreement with that and had even asked for that months ago but didn't get it. He also said difficult child will qualify for mental health requirements upon release. Yep- and all the mental health and legal requirements turned into a full time job before this happened- what if I can't do all that and still provide a home? I tried to discuss this with the probation officer, then her supervisor, and they both had the "that's your problem" response. Also, he said he didn't know what the rules would be- we have to play it by ear. (Then how do I know if I can meet them or commit to them?) I want to get these things out in the open before I sign any agreement. I'm thinking that I will develop a list of questions/concerns and take it to this meeting with him and write down his answers. If I handle it that way, will it look antagonistic? I asked about getting family therapy while difficult child is in Department of Juvenile Justice and he said I had to take that up with the facility that difficult child goes to. Truthfully, I cannot commit to difficult child coming home until I know what is expected of me from the parole officer, until I know my authority in my home will be backed up, until I feel like I can provide difficult child with what he needs to succeed, and until I see that difficult child is going to do his best and not going to give up this time. Now, should I tell the parole officer this and not sign that agreement until I have those answers? Of course, that will lead to them figuring out another place for difficult child to go to upon his release because they apparently want to have that in place before that even start on his "rehabiltation" while he's in. And that leads to the "if you don't sign this, difficult child gets turned over to dss" threat/warning. So what do these people really expect- the parent to tell them what went wrong and discuss how to change things or just a parent who signs whatever is stuck under their nose then waits for it all to fall apart again? I am sitting here shaking with stress and anxiety from the thought of it all. I'm supposed to sign that paper and I don't even know if they are talking about difficult child having a stay of a few mos or 3 years. He said he and I had to talk on the phone every 30 days and meet every 90 days while difficult child is incarcerated. I have no idea why, but apparently, that's the rule. As long as I'm visiting difficult child and supporting Department of Juvenile Justice's efforts, that's all there is until difficult child is released. He will stay in contact with difficult child, too, while he's in there. He said parole is a lot stricter than probation- if the kid messes up one time, they go right back in. If the kid does not mess up, they can be off parole in 6-12 mos. Anyway, I got difficult child's grades from his old school district yesterday and they are all passing. This will mean he won't have to retake 8th grade- unless they have an issue with the number of school days he missed (33, I think). Will they hold him back for that if he had passing grades but scored lower than he should have on standardized tests? Then, I spoke with difficult child's cm at Department of Juvenile Justice. She said he is doing fine- no behavioral issues AT ALL!! She said he expressed concern about a young boy who keeps following him around and trying to sit with him. She said that the boy apparently wants to be friends but difficult child does not and it is bothering difficult child. (This means one of 2 things- the other boy is adhd because difficult child has no tolerance for hyperness in others- even though he has it intermittently himself- or this kid is doing something that difficult child wants no part of and difficult child doesn't want to reveal what.) I didn't tell the cm but that's a disaster waiting to happen. I should have told her but I couldn't think of how to word it without sounding like I was being over-protective or not willing to hold difficult child responsible. At least he discussed some of it with her before it turned into a disaster. I called again yesterday to see if I had a court date yet. I'm worried about not getting a summons because they wrote the wrong house number on my court order and even though they have it right on difficult child's papers, I will get a separate file and the deputy will not find a house with that address. The clerk said they have nothing on this "show cause". I hope that means that it was pulled, instead of just not being in the system yet but I doubt that will be the case. (Wishful thinking, LOL!) I just got a letter from difficult child. This one is 2 pages long and it sounds like he's having it pretty hard. He said someone started a rumor that he's a sex offender and the other kids are giving him a hard time about it but he's trying hard not to get in a fight because that can add 6 mos onto his sentence. His says he satys by himself most of the time. Soooo, I just wanted to throw out an update- thanks for "listening"!