Parole and update

[klmno]

Thanks, ML!! You know, I read yesterday that the state pays a whopping $100,000 per juvenile per year to incarcerate them. That would cover a good boarding school or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or a lot of supports (real ones) for a family to keep a kid in the home to minimize chances of this sort of thing wouldn't it?

The parole officer said "oh, I see you all were already given many supports by the system before". I can't wait for that conversation to come up- since I have NO IDEA what supports he thinks we got. I think the probation officer lied about some things to cover her rear about not doing anything (or even being responsive to me and psychiatric hospital) for months because the judge said something similar in court.

 

[DDD]

Have you undated the journal showing exactly when and what services etc. were offered or utilized? I would suggest that in the narrative you either underline or highlight the specific programs/services so when you eventually do sit face to face with the man (or any authority figure) you can provide a hard copy and not take the chance of verbalizing too much. Your anxieties and concerns are valid but, as you know, it can come across as "issues" which would feed into the PO's assessment.

Make it chronological, include names, dates and phone numbers when possible, so the new person can just sit and hop down the page. The complexities of the case will never be grasped by an overworked government employee no matter how dedicated. in my humble opinion the very best you can hope for is making an impact with an overview in an easy to read format. Then write down the fewest important direct questions that will help you understand their method.

I'm on your team. DDD

 

[klmno]

There's not much to journal- the legal system only provided mst, which was short-lived because I requested a hearing and the judge agreed to remove that order. That is all documented. The probation officer ordered an in home therapist after I spent 3 mos basicly begging for help to get difficult child into Residential Treatment Center (RTC). The in home therapist hadn't even been introduced to us before difficult child got arrested this last time. Both of these things, the PO claimed I was uncooperative with. I can prove why these things were not pursued and dates- just as I described here, but for some reason, they ignore this and seem to accept that I was uncooperative, as PO claims.

As far as me providing difficult child with private psychiatrist and therapist care- that can easily be proven and the PO had release forms from me to verify it. If she did her job (LOL!) that would have already been verified. The prosecuting attny asked me under oath, though, "why I stopped those services"- but I never stopped those services- I had to cancel scheduled appts after difficult child was arrested and he'd seen both his psychiatric and psychiatrist the week before his arrest. There are a few things like this that lead me to think that the PO lied- or was misleading- in that memo she put out. Unfortunately, they won't let me have a copy of the memo.

The PO needed to cover her butt- she didn't return calls from psychiatric hospital and she didn't return several calls of mine or take any action to do anything until I sent that letter to the judge with a request for a hearing in Jan. The GAL, on the other hand, is pretty disappointing because she should have uncovered this and not necessarily made PO look bad in court, but reveal to the judge that no action had been taken before it was too late, in spite of my efforts. Instead, the GAL just claims that I was uncooperative with ALL po's efforts. (What efforts??)When no one takes the time to look at the documents, then it's just my word against the PO's and everyone automatically assumes the PO is telling the truth.

 

[DammitJanet]

Have you done the parent report? If not, do one but do it simply without a whole lot of editorializing.

 

[klmno]

I have my ,list of stuff that is many pages long. I had given it to dss when the gal first got involved and dss had to do a home check because difficult child had committed 2 felonies and gal requested it. (This wasn't an abuse allegation- it's just to make sure it's an acceptable household). Anyway, the dss assessor determined that the state or county could not do more than I was already doing for my son. No one in the legal system has wanted to take the time or been interested in this kind of stuff. And if they were, they are people who think they are smarter than the mental health profs.

Janet, we are talking about a situation where I would make parental decisions and stick to them, after discussing them with psychiatrist. I would relay this to the PO- the PO never verified with psychiatrist and told me and difficult child together that she didn't agree- she thought it should be "X" instead of "Z". This caused BIG problems between difficult child and me.

The legal people run the show- whatever the mental health profs say goes by the wayside, unless they do whatever the legal people say. And the legal people aren't experienced in mental health issues like warrior moms- they seem to think that is all a joke and an excuse.

They seem to think that if difficult child was rx'd something and had a therapist, then he should be cured after 6 mos. They just don't get it but are so convinced that they know it all, they won't consider anything coming ahead of their own opinion. It's toxic. GAL stood in my face and told me that this mkust be my fault because difficult child lived with me. She could have discussed things with psychiatrist but didn't. I don't think I see how to make them give any weight to what the mental health profs say- they had a letter stating difficult child needed a psychiatric Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and that state Department of Juvenile Justice would be a detriment in his case, and difficult child's OWN GAL went to court and said "he shouldn't go there (Residential Treatment Center (RTC)) because she didn't trust me not to pull him out." It's stupid- am I sitting here at home right now stating that I want to go get him and bring him back before we get some things worked out and he learns his lesson?

I probably sound frustrated- it's not at you. These people are just worse than dealing with the sd people. It really is like an IEP meeting where they don't need the parent's permission- where they really can tell you how they are going to do things and if you don't agree, your kid gets kicked out. That would be fine if it worked.

 

[DDD]

As a CD family member I've got to say again, stop repeating the past events in your head. You need to do a recap with-o opinions. It is imperative that you not knock the GAL or the PO or anyone who messed with your sons chances for help...or yours. It is, for all intents and purposes, water over the dam!

Klmno's son born: ________, normal ht/wt/ condition excellent.
Early childhood: Son reached all milestones on target and was under the care of a well qualified Pediatrician.
Onset of concerns: At the age of 10, difficult child showed signs of anxiety ?? and was taken to Pediatrician (or whoever) and was put on XX medication or was judged to be within the realm of normal or whatever. Short and sweet.
Problem #1: difficult child began to display anger ??? had difficulty in school? reacted to divorce?? chose bad friends?? whatever. I took him to (describe expert) who said blah blah and that advice was followed.
Problem #2 etc.
As things got worse (with no personal sermonizing) describe simply. difficult child's
anger grew even with supports in place. Department of Juvenile Justice became involved. Although both difficult child and I had a therapist?? the Department of Juvenile Justice representative expressed concern that
difficult child's treatment at home was not appropriate and advised C,D,G. It was a
difficult time. On x/we/xxxx I began to seek placement for difficult child in a suitable
Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I contacted x, Y, Z (give months and dates if available) and sought
information on funding. The GAL and the Court ?? seemed to also believe
that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement would be best.

I could go on and on making up stuff, Klmno, but take the true facts and
keep them bare. Put dates, contacts, no negative stuff. Go thru the current placement. Wrap it up with something like "I am pleased that difficult child appears to be doing well at this time. All of us, I assume, agree that he should have regular care by a qualified psychiatrist during his incarceration. It does not seem viable to express preferences for future placement once he has completed his time at xx. It is my sincere hope that we can work together as we focus on his care now and in the future. The ultimate goal for me as his parent is to see difficult child capable of living a life of happiness and safety with a future as a productive citizen.

Something like that. Nothing specific about when or if you will support him coming home at such a such time. Just a recap followed up by a generic (but heartfelt) statement of a future goal of his health and happiness. You will have to write and rework it a few times but I really think that is the best way to show you are on the team with a common goal but not ready to guess what steps are necessary in the future. DDD

 

[klmno]

I thought I was explaining something to people here on the board. LOL!! I'm really not sitting here continuously stewing. I already have the stuff documented that is being suggested and it does not include my opinions that I express here. The point I was trying to make though is that they (in Department of Juvenile Justice) do not care. The majority of those facts were brought out in court already and it ultimately was ignored. I thought that given that they don't care about this stuff, if I wrote a letter with all that info in it and sent it, it would be more likely to come across as me trying to prove a point and not be willing to do things their way.

I'll try to give a comparable (hypothetical) example. Let's say that the sd was not required by law to have a parent's agreement for something. Let's say a parent has testing done on the kid privately and the sd says they will use their own testing and don't care what the private results are and the results from sd are inconsistent and what the sd wants to do is inconsistent with the private recommendations. The more a parent sends documentation and letters about the private results would just add fuel to the fire, wouldn't it? (I'm throwing these questions out here to try to get us here on the same page.)

Wouldn't the parent be left with either going with whatever the sd wants or refusing everything altogether? Or, if there is a way to try to negotiate some of it, doesn't the parent need to let them know that this isn't a case where it's the parent's way or no way, it's that the sd is saying it's their way or no way and the parent believes their way would be a detriment. If the people at this sd are set on things being their way or no way, then the parent has no choice do they? They either accept or refuse the ultimatum- and if the parent refuses it, they are called uncooperative. What makes it worse to me are that I'm supposed to make the decision to accept their terms or not as a blanket agreement, without knowing what they will be, and of course, I risk being "uncooperative" for having an issue with that. Also, unlike my hypothetical sd, if the parent agrees than doesn't jump at everything they say in the future, the parent can be taken before the judge. If the parent does everything they say but it doesn't work and the kid gets in trouble again, the kid goes back into incarceration at the state level- automatically.

The way I'm looking at it, sending them more documentation is re-hashing because they have made it clear that they think the mental health profs are barking up the wrong tree and they don't care what they have to say. I did send tests results and so forth to the state Department of Juvenile Justice where difficult child is because I was told they will forward it to psychiatrist there. But as far as the parole office and legal people at the county- they couldn't care less. All they care about is if difficult child takes medications that he's rx'd.

Maybe I am going over and over things a lot on the board- I have it in my head that some here don't have an accurate picture of what the situation is, so I guess I keep trying to explain it. (That maybe some here see this as a new step with completely different people involved and the ones from last year will never get involved again and there's no carry over but I won't let it go mentally- which isn't the case. The parole officer works with all the same people.) I guess I can stop that and if anyone has a question, they can post it and I'll try to answer it.

 

[DammitJanet]

What DDD wrote is a basic parent report. I keep saying you should have one because getting "just the facts" across is a much better way of dealing with multiple entities. I gave my Parent Report out like candy. No matter where I went I had copies for everyone. For a long time there I would update it monthly-sometimes weekly. It had his medical history, his personal history, what had been tried, what seemed to work, what didnt work, legal history, and what was going on in his life at the time.

 

[DDD]

I didn't mean "send it" unsolicited. My suggestion was to have it typed up with simplitied nutshell style for "if" and "when" the brand new Parole dude wants to review difficult children issues. I agree completely with you that the past actions of "the system" were not in difficult children best interests. Just like a brand new job interview when you meet with the new man you have to be prepared to present the facts and be "open" to the future. (NOT ready to jump under the bus but "open" to what the future brings.

Like the old reference "your kid is a number" (aren't we all numbers now?) and there are lots and lots of numbers. Make the Parole guys job easier by recapsilating and, in essence, saying let's work together for the best outcome with my kid. DDD

PS: I DO understand. My easy child/difficult child has not had a hint of a problem with "the system" since they stole nine months out of his recovery period by incarcerating him. (Hmm...am I bitter? Yep!). He has a "nice PO". The lady told him one month "you need to get paid up on your fees if you want
to be released from probation early." The next month I told him "ask PO what exactly the procedure is to get released early." He did. She responded "they don't give early release to felons with violent backgrounds". WTH! He told her "Mrs. P I have NO history of violence." She checks the back of the file folder and says "Oh easy child/difficult child I'm sorry, you are right there is no red check on your folder." Then, the nice lady calls last week and says "easy child/difficult child I am coming by to see you at home on Saturday as I'm required to see you at home once every few months." The kid stayed home. It has been eight days...she is a no show. Believe me, Klmno, I DO understand. I also understand now that you can not change the system. Sad but true.

 

[klmno]

Ok, but if the parole officer asked to discuss difficult child's issues and actually be referring to anything other than legal charges or me as a parent, he would be the first person at Department of Juvenile Justice to do so and I would be shocked.

Since the guy works down the hall from the probation officer and is in contact with the same attny's, PO, GAL, and judge, I guess I'm veiwing him more like a different case manager at the same sd- not a new sd. I'm willing to hear what he says and trying to be open, but I'm not holding my breath that he's going to view things any differently. After all, he gets his info about difficult child and me from those people.

 

[standswithcourage]

I think you should let the guy know how you feel before the 11th hour. It seems I have alway had to let someone know or else you will get what you dont want. You have to have a voice or the system will run all over you. I bellieve you should tell them for the success of your child he should be placed somewhere else for a little while so you can get yourself together and make a plan that is good for everyone. It is so crazy that they cant see that.