Parole Officer issue

[DammitJanet]

You should be able to go to the state job openings and look into the county openings. Should list caseworker openings by county name. Least that is how they do it here. Call your local Job Services office and ask them. Best bet. They give a test here to rule out idiots.

 

[klmno]

OK- I'll look. Thanks!

What I'd like to do at this point, if possible, (but I'm still looking into other things) is to get something temporary here because it will be easier than getting anyone here to make a long-term commitment at this point, and try to just hold things together until difficult child is released, and at the same time get something resolved about the credit. That way, I can re-evaluate in say six months and by then maybe something will be availlable in my field or my credit will be resolved enough to get a government job somewhere.

Still- I'm worried about PO. Two weeks ago he couldn't commit to anything but next week we are supposed to have answers. Next week I won;t have answers- he could change difficult child's plan to return home based on that.

 

[DammitJanet]

https://jobs.agencies.virginia.gov/applicants/jsp/shared/Welcome_css.jsp

try this.

 

[klmno]

I checked some on that this evening and looked for a couple of other things, then went to a little more research. I'm hanging it up now for the evening- I'm spent.

To side track to a little vent-

Why is it that no matter what effects come from CSU actions or decisions, they are difficult child's fault for committing a crime. But whatever problems difficult child's crimes or CSU's decisions cause me are my fault? And then some of them try to claim difficult child's crimes are my fault.

It just burns me to no end that difficult child commits a crime, I get the restitution to pay, I lose jobs for his crimes, I have to do what CSU people say or I could get in trouble legally, I get blamed for difficult child "being driven to committing illegal activity" by half the people and get ordered to do the opposite of what those people say by the other half, CSU and Department of Juvenile Justice can sit and do nothing while things escalate out of control, can order things that cause more harm than good for both difficult child and me, yet "it's not their fault, it's difficult child's"....and it's "my problem, not theirs"....but if I made choices like that?? And I get upset over this and it could cause me to lose custody? You know, my therapist always told me that I could only control and be responsible for myself. I have yet to see that these people are doing anything but making sure I'm not in control of my life but am the one held responsible for what they do. Know what I mean?? If I can only be responsible for what I'm in control of and I can only control myself, not other people's decisions, why on earth am I supposedly responsible for and paying the price for difficult child and CSU? And then being told it's my problem?

Ya gotta love this system....NOT. I'm not the one that broke the law. I'm not the one who decides the punioshments or makes the rules as long as difficult child is in the legal system. So why is it I'm the one that has completely run out of 20+ years of resources and it's still not enough?

I somehow can forgive difficult child for things and don't even get as worried about the times I have to walk around eggshells for him because I can guage his moods to a certain extent, and I guess because he's my son. But the CSU people- either they are just people who get off on controlling parents (you know how some people just like to throw their weight around), or they are really trying to make sure things can't work with difficult child coming home.

Remember how the Department of Juvenile Justice director was so positive about difficult child getting released earliier, then the CM called me a few days later and didn't sound promising at all and said she had talked to PO? She told me that PO was not telling me the truth about everything and that he was being less than honest with me. I told her what he had told me and said that's all I had to go on. She wouldn't clarify more than just to say that the people in this county were would never agree to difficult child getting a direct release, they felt "he needed to be monitored due to his last charge because it was an offense against me". I don't buy that being the reason at all. Then, she said "let's just say 'a group home was discussed'". Ok, well it was PO (and difficult child) that talked me out of pushing for a group home. I just do not trust the CSU people at all. I can't help but wonder if they just led me and difficult child to believe he would be coming home to get him thru his time incarcerated, knowing that they would put him somewhere else afterwards. (Not the Department of Juvenile Justice people- but the county people.)

 

[DDD]

There are frequently openings in the Probation offices and anything tied in with law enforcement. I know that having a difficult child "in the system" can not prevent you from being hired.

Although I totally understand it you are hashing and rehashing the bad experiences from the past with authorities and with difficult child. Somehow you have to reclaim the person you used to be. As my Daddy used to say
"there's no sense in beating a dead horse to death".

There is a special sense of pride that comes from facing adversity and finding a high road to take. Pride can be restored even if you must live on a socio/economic scale that you are unaccustomed to. I went from the life of a debutante to working three minimum wage jobs. I held my head up high, kept my eyes open for future improvement and did find a new career. Most of all I maintained my children's sense of security and let them cope with the issues that they owned while I coped with those that
were mine. At one time I went to the biggest bank in Miami and asked for
a loan using my furniture as collateral. You can do it too. You just have
to change gears and find the challenge. Better things may come later
.........no.........better things will come later. DDD

 

[klmno]

Well I hope you ladies here aren't picturing me as a debutante! LOL!! If so, you'd be shocked to learn some of the things I have lived thru, done, and places I have lived.

I don't think it's going to be possible for me to view all the CSU stuff as in the past as long as they are still in control of our lives, unfortunately. That's a big part of the problem (if not the biggest), in my humble opinion, it's not over as long as difficult child is in the system- and I resent the **** out of it. For instance- why am I required to see this PO every 90 days (including next week) when I'm not the one on parole or in the DSS system? I'm just tired of being treated like I am the one on parole, and feeling repercussions like it. I sincerely wish it was in the past and all over.

 

[klmno]

There are frequently openings in the Probation offices and anything tied in with law enforcement. I know that having a difficult child "in the system" can not prevent you from being hired

It doesn't qualify yyou for the job though- and they want people with experience in criminal justice or related field and preferably a degree in it. I had checked all our statee and county listings a long time ago for any openings. They even want experienced people to be an assistant deputy clerk. And they do credit checks.

 

[DammitJanet]

I have to admit I dont understand the states who hold parents liable for the restitution of juveniles unless the parent is negligent in parenting that child. Seems to send the wrong message to the child.

Jr...you do something wrong and you dont have to pay, mommy and daddy have to get in trouble and pay for your misdeeds. Thats not the way it works in the real world.

Now, granted Cory didnt get into big enough trouble that he had large fines or anything but Im sure he could have had fines...and he did shoplift some stuff, so I guess he could have had restitution but he never did. And down here it would have been him who would have had it. They had a program where the kids on probation with restitution had to work for the Department of Juvenile Justice folks to work off their restitution. Basically community service but they did it under the supervision of court officers. Oddly enough, our local haunted house is held by this department...lol.

I can see why parents have to work with the probation and parole department though. I didnt like Cory's probation officer when he was a teen. He was an imbecile. Just there for the paycheck. I had a friend who was a probation officer who worked in the same office and I so wished she could have been his PO but I couldnt get him transferred. She was a tough gal. She had to be or the kids would have eaten her for lunch. When she said something, she meant it.

Our system down here is different than VA's or maybe it is just this county...dont know.

 

[klmno]

I'm kind of the opposite, Janet. I can see the parents paying the restitution but maybe that's because difficult child was too young to have any reasonable way to pay that amount of money. (It has totalled almost $5000 so far and he was 12yo and 13 yo.) But the "working with" isn't exactl "working with". It is written in our regs and policies that parents of kids on probation and parole are to be held accountable and must do what the PO says and it is viewed as a court order. Therefore, the PO treats the parent like the one on probation/parole. This is what has sent the wrong message to my son, in my humble opinion. As a single mom, I reaally think it would have been a lot more beneficial to keeping difficult child out of trouble for them to reinforce that they were backing up my role, not undermining it. I have given up on them ever doing that though because everythiong I have read as far as guidelines for people in the system in this state place as much blame on the parent as the child. (Really, if they treat us both like two misbehaving siblings then send us home and expect him to listen to my authority they have their heads in the clouds.) They even go so far as to outline that it's typically the parent's failure by one of two ways- either the family has problems that need "support", such as drug abuse, parenting skills, supervisory skills, etc., or the parents are too strict.

I guess this is why I get half the people in the system trying to tell me what to do to keep better control of difficult child (ie- rewards and consequences) and the other half telling me I am too strict and somehow I'm supposed to please all these people. Of course now that I have gotten so fed up with dealing with this for so long, some are changing that to "she's not cooperative".

All the while, difficult child has learned that it will be me that suffers more than him if he gets into trouble and don't think there haven't been times that he's threatened me with breaking PO rules or breaking the law if I don't do what he wants because he knows it will be me that gets blamed for it. He has said that out-right. But try telling the people in the system that and they refuse to believe it. And yep, that makes me mad as **** at difficult child, but I can also see how he got that message and I blame the people who continue to reinforce it to him just as much.

 

[DammitJanet]

Its entirely opposite in my situation.

Well almost. Cory really didnt quite feel the sting of the law because they never sent him into juvy but once and it was only for a short stay. He did keep going into group homes but that didnt particularly bother him until he went into a locked facility at which time that got his attention very quickly. He only learns when his freedom is impeded on. I tried telling people this but no one listened.

Here, people didnt blame us much at all. They did hold him accountable. It wasnt us on the hook. I did get tired of having to keep hunting for services constantly but that was my job. The only time we felt attacked at all was when some tried to set Cory up for some nazi **** and they tried to say we raised a raciest kid. Nothing could be farther from the truth. He is biracial...lol. His case manager at the time was AA and laughed her butt off at the allegation. It was only his PO who assumed this could be true and you know what they say about assuming.

I think maybe the reason we had such a different situation is because all systems are handled by different agencies. Legal handles their department, mental health handles their department and Social Services handles theirs.

 

[klmno]

I tend to think that other states might not be so focused on blaming the parent. And then there is still an assumption by many in our society (including in the legal system) that if the father sticks around, it is two parents doing the best they can. But if it's a single mom (particularly with a son), then she's a clueless difficult child herself that just fell off the turnip truck and they have a dysfunctional relationship and something must be wrong with her or she'd be married. Otherwise, she wouldn't have "gotten HERSELF pregnant" out of wedlock otherwise. And once they find out that she's been thru therapy herself before- oh, well that's just the proof that's she's a whacko and needs someone telling her how to raise her child and someone to "monitor" it or else she won't do it right. Now how much will a difficult child respect his mother once he picks up on that coming from authority figures? And how much does that encourage him to take responsibility for his own choices instead of blaming someone else?

Unfortunately, it leaves me seeing the options for difficult child in a very pessimistic light and makes it hard to figure out what is in his best interest. If they really did "work with" a parent- like in an IEP meeting, I think things could and would turn around quickly. It would still be more opinions from legal people than the parent but the emphasis would be on doing what is in the child's best interest (including stopping illegal activity) instead of blame and scrutiny and controlling and ordering and punishing. But they laugh at me whenever I suggest something like that. (Apparently they think the system's methods are much more successful than I do- but I guess that's because the ones that end up staying in the revolving door do so because the kid and/or parent "didn't do it right".) Have you ever heard a therapist admit to giving the wrong therapy/diagnosis or inadequate therapy? No- if it doesn't work it;'s because the patient was too far gone or was resistant, right? Same thing with these people in the legal system.

The thought of difficult child returning home makes me happy. The thought of him returning home with this CSU still involved makes me scared and worried and extremely stressed. You would think that alone would tell them something.

 

[DammitJanet]

Well we had some of that problem because they knew we werent married and there were a few folks that raised a few eyebrows over that. We just told them..jokingly...that we figured if we ever married after all that time we would surely be divorced within a year...lol. I got my diagnosis around the time Cory went into the legal system. Whether or not they ever knew about it, I have no idea. Cory did. His case manager did and at least one of his therapists did. They never held my problems against either of us.

 

[klmno]

Oh well this is just great. I just found out that difficult child's judge- the ONLY one in our local system that had a freakin brain- is leaving the bench. I have to move out of this area now. Geez.....I heard a guy say that the only judge in his jurisdiction that had common sense was kicked off the bench a few years ago. I don't know what's wrong with people in this state but they seem to prefer ignorance over common sense. It would be my luck that the GAL will be appointed to the bench now as a replacement.