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Parole Officer issue
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 325073" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I'm kind of the opposite, Janet. I can see the parents paying the restitution but maybe that's because difficult child was too young to have any reasonable way to pay that amount of money. (It has totalled almost $5000 so far and he was 12yo and 13 yo.) But the "working with" isn't exactl "working with". It is written in our regs and policies that parents of kids on probation and parole are to be held accountable and must do what the PO says and it is viewed as a court order. Therefore, the PO treats the parent like the one on probation/parole. This is what has sent the wrong message to my son, in my humble opinion. As a single mom, I reaally think it would have been a lot more beneficial to keeping difficult child out of trouble for them to reinforce that they were backing up my role, not undermining it. I have given up on them ever doing that though because everythiong I have read as far as guidelines for people in the system in this state place as much blame on the parent as the child. (Really, if they treat us both like two misbehaving siblings then send us home and expect him to listen to my authority they have their heads in the clouds.) They even go so far as to outline that it's typically the parent's failure by one of two ways- either the family has problems that need "support", such as drug abuse, parenting skills, supervisory skills, etc., or the parents are too strict. </p><p></p><p>I guess this is why I get half the people in the system trying to tell me what to do to keep better control of difficult child (ie- rewards and consequences) and the other half telling me I am too strict and somehow I'm supposed to please all these people. Of course now that I have gotten so fed up with dealing with this for so long, some are changing that to "she's not cooperative".</p><p></p><p>All the while, difficult child has learned that it will be me that suffers more than him if he gets into trouble and don't think there haven't been times that he's threatened me with breaking PO rules or breaking the law if I don't do what he wants because he knows it will be me that gets blamed for it. He has said that out-right. But try telling the people in the system that and they refuse to believe it. And yep, that makes me mad as **** at difficult child, but I can also see how he got that message and I blame the people who continue to reinforce it to him just as much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 325073, member: 3699"] I'm kind of the opposite, Janet. I can see the parents paying the restitution but maybe that's because difficult child was too young to have any reasonable way to pay that amount of money. (It has totalled almost $5000 so far and he was 12yo and 13 yo.) But the "working with" isn't exactl "working with". It is written in our regs and policies that parents of kids on probation and parole are to be held accountable and must do what the PO says and it is viewed as a court order. Therefore, the PO treats the parent like the one on probation/parole. This is what has sent the wrong message to my son, in my humble opinion. As a single mom, I reaally think it would have been a lot more beneficial to keeping difficult child out of trouble for them to reinforce that they were backing up my role, not undermining it. I have given up on them ever doing that though because everythiong I have read as far as guidelines for people in the system in this state place as much blame on the parent as the child. (Really, if they treat us both like two misbehaving siblings then send us home and expect him to listen to my authority they have their heads in the clouds.) They even go so far as to outline that it's typically the parent's failure by one of two ways- either the family has problems that need "support", such as drug abuse, parenting skills, supervisory skills, etc., or the parents are too strict. I guess this is why I get half the people in the system trying to tell me what to do to keep better control of difficult child (ie- rewards and consequences) and the other half telling me I am too strict and somehow I'm supposed to please all these people. Of course now that I have gotten so fed up with dealing with this for so long, some are changing that to "she's not cooperative". All the while, difficult child has learned that it will be me that suffers more than him if he gets into trouble and don't think there haven't been times that he's threatened me with breaking PO rules or breaking the law if I don't do what he wants because he knows it will be me that gets blamed for it. He has said that out-right. But try telling the people in the system that and they refuse to believe it. And yep, that makes me mad as **** at difficult child, but I can also see how he got that message and I blame the people who continue to reinforce it to him just as much. [/QUOTE]
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