Part two of the humungous vent - the story only gets better.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Mom2oddson, Jun 13, 2011.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    I was on my way to my chinese herb doctor when husband calls because the bank turned him down. His debt-to-income ratio is too High. "Can you go down and sign?"...... :stopglass: ..... "Dear. Less than 1/2 our debt is in your name. The rest is in my name. I make 1/3 of what you do. They won't approve me." And I went in to see my doctor.

    ....who did my pulse reading and said "You are doing poopie" (hope that passes the censors it wasn't his word). At least if I'm not better tomorrow, I can come back and complain. He will tweek my formual to help me feel better. ....

    Got out of my doctor's visit to get a call from husband. He called....wait for it.... MY DAD, to see if he'd co-sign for the kid. My Dad, who GAVE Ant a truck that he threw away. And my Dad said yes.

    I'm still shaking from how hard I went off on husband! I told him I thought it was BS that he went to my Dad because he couldn't disappoint Ant. That he should of told Ant he didn't qualify for the loan and that he needed to turn in the car. But since husband did this that he needed to know that if Ant is so much as ONE DAY LATE.... it will be between husband and I and might just be the end of us. That he better hope that this doesn't bite us in the seat-end or I will be taking one HUMUNGOUS bite out of husband's seat-end!!!!

    Where do I turn in the ticket for this ride I'm on? I want to buy a different ticket. I want one for a life where the "OMG" problems are a broken finger nail and the ice in my ice tea melted too fast. :sigh:
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I want that ride, too.

    :hugs: I wish I had answers for you...
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911

    OHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh is it YOUR turn for that ride? (brushes crumbs from shoulder softly and looks at well manicured toes) Gosh - I didn't mean to stay on it so long......(in very sorrowful Southern voice)

    Mah Deepest Apologies Darlin'.....(then turns back and takes bite out of crumpet, stirs ice tea, and ignores poor you standing in the line for the nice easy life) I'm so sorry......

    Rallyyyyyyyyy I am..........Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalyy.

    OMG.....osh. (feining hand and wrist across forehead) Whatever shall I buy mah friend for a gift to let her know how lovely I think she is? (claps hands for servants) "OH Thomas! THOMMMMMMMMAAAAS!!!!!" Fetch me a length of rope and fashion it in a hangmans noose!!!" Send it to Mom2oddson - with a riding crop, some boiling oil, and some of this LOVELY mint julip for her tea!" Hmmmmm yes! I think that will be a lovely gift!" OH and Thomas -----send it overnight won't you please be a dear and do that for lil ole me?"

    Well something in the box should help you.........darlin!......(snort) :sorrysmiley:

    Hugs & Love
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    You really need to get yourself to another theme park........:tinfoilhatsmile:One where you can live long.........and prosper!
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh poo. I can't paint my nails till Saturday.
  6. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Star... thanks for the laugh. I needed a smile today. Hmmmm, what could I do with boiling oil? ...deep fried shrimp and hush puppies anyone?

    And Step.... I'm going to stop on my way home and make an appointment for a pedi with purple nail polish!! I deserve a treat after today!

    (And I don't know what kind of chinese herbs the doctor gave me but my anxiety went from CODE RED to Calm and relaxed in 30 minutes. Without any of that fuzzy head, I've just taken a strong medication sort of feeling. Just no more tightness in my chest and I can breathe again. Love that Guy, just wish it was $3,000 a year to see him. (a gift from my dad by the way))
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    Any chance you can intercept your Dad before he cosigns? REMIND him what happened with the first car? OY!
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I want some of those herbs!

    Can you get to your dad before he actually signs?
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Why not go to your dad and tell him not to do it?

    He's your dad afterall. Would he listen to you, especially after what Ant pulled last time?

    My husband can be a pushover...........but never in his wildest dreams would he dare cross me like that. He likes to wake up in the mornings. lol

    OMG I'm livid for you and I'm not even there. sheesh!

    Glad the doctor was able to help you to calm down.

  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I was thinking -

    Chai Hu, or He Huan Pi, maybe.....Guan Tan Wan...but my yen is on Tian Wan Bu Xin Dan!! (that sounds like what you needed) Bows to sensi - bows to Mom to Odd son.

    Whatever you got? Glad you are feeling better!

    There is a FANTASTIC Chinese Herbologist here in Columbia named Billy Bones - and I would give my eye teeth for Df and me to have been able to go.....he does acupuncture too. I think DF would be able to do far more than he is now....trapped in his body - but there is NO way currently anyone can afford him. He's like WAY out of our league. But our therapist recommended him.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Herbalists can be astounding. I tell EVERYONE I know who is preg or has a newborn to RUN for catnip tea if the child is colicky. I know they say only 20% of all babies have colic, but ALL three of mind did. I still remember taking JEss to the pediatrician and just bawling during the entire appointment. She was 6 weeks old and had just started colic that week and I had to go back to work in three days and I was a MESS. The doctor was one of MY docs as a child and gave us both prescriptions. But that medication he gave her did NOTHING compared to the catnip tea that the herbalist I saw after I had thank you gave us. I know eleven people who have tried it for their colicky babies and every single one has called me asking O.M.G!!!!! WHERE did you find that and WHY don't the docs tell us this???

    Cause it works better than anything a reg doctor can do for colic.

    So I am NOT surprised your herbal doctor got you feeling better in 30 min with no fuzzy feelings.

    I would call your dad and tell him that is he signs a single thing for Ant then he will be on your naughty list. Remind him of the truck and tell him that Ant isn't to get a stinkin' penny from him until he has turned into a wonderful human being who is kind and loving to all who know him.

    As for wanting off this ride. Well. There IS a way. problem won't be easy but would get you away from the probls with your stepkids. Loretta Lynn sang about it. It might take a while to pay off the debts from the whole community property thing, but it might be easier than you thing because husband earns more than you and more than 1/2 the debt is in YOUR name. So you would lose some of the debt and possible be owed some of his income for a while as a split of marital assets. Plus you would be totally separated from Ant and his gfgness.

    I really hope that whatever you choose to do you can find a way to be happy. You deserve it.
  12. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hm...I would like your herb doctor and to share your dad. Is he looking for another daughter, by chance????

    I don't know how you didn't already string your husband up...oh.em.gee.
  13. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    My Dad is a great guy. One of the best out there. And being a great guy, he's willing to give Ant a second chance. Ant has been working since April 4th. He's doing great in his job, so he deserves a chance. My Dad believes if you are trying to do the right thing, you should be supported. At the same time, he's no push-over!

    My Mom reminded me that one of the traits I love about husband is his going out of his way to make those he loves happy. And that it is usually the traits you love that will make you the most angry. And she's right. I love it when husband goes above and beyond to make ME happy.

    Mom also was the one that explained to me "love banks".... just like a bank where you make deposits and withdrawals, you do the same thing with those you love. A nice comment to your loved one - a deposit. Leaving your dirty dishes under the couch - a big withdrawal. husband has made so many deposits that he had enough in the bank to cover this major withdrawal.

    husband is a good guy. He's got a kind heart. And this is only the 2nd major mess-up in 15 years so he's doing good.

    And I was able to tell him how I felt so that he understood. And now, it's time to go forward. He made this decision and we will work things out together. We've worked out a plan of action IF Ant doesn't follow through.

    Plan A: Repo the car and sell it. But, what if Ant hides the car so we can't repo it....

    Plan B: husband sells his rifle collection. If he needs more money, he sells his baby (his motorcycle). We will not let my Dad get stuck with Ant's debt. And husband will take the brunt of hurt if we have to come up with money for Ant's debt.

    Okay, since I spilled the beans on how bad husband can be, I feel it's only fair to show you how good he can be too.

    In the early days when we had a house full of pre-adolescent, hyper children and I was reaching the point of having my own major meltdown..... husband would come and get me out of the kitchen and take me to our bathroom. There, I would find a bathtub full with a hot bubble bath, music playing softly in the background, the book I was reading waiting for me and a glass of wine sitting next to it. I was told to stay there until I was all pruny and relaxed. When I finally got out of the tub, my kitchen was spotless and my kids were in bed and asleep. This happened about once a month. This is the kind of guy he is. He goes out of his way to see to my comforts and my happiness. It's easy for me to forgive him. (my girlfriends don't get me, but it's who I am)
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Oh well, heck. I'd forgive him too..........especially since you were able to make a plan if Ant doesn't follow through.

    Does he offer classes on the bubble bath deal? I'm sure most of us would send our husband's to it. lol

    Glad your dad is no push over. That worried me a little as grandparents are often not close enough to the situation to see the reality of it.

    Hopefully this time Ant will follow through and there will be no issues.

    Fingers crossed.
  15. keista

    keista New Member

    You know, I'd forgive him too. HOWEVER I think I would have your mother tell him that love bank stuff as it applies to husband and ANT
  16. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Keista, I'm been explaining it to husband as to his Mother. And that it is okay to end a relationship even if it is a family member if you get tons of pain and no real joy from it. Just because someone gave birth to you, you don't owe them anything. He's getting it with his Mother. In 15 years, I can't remember a happy time with his folks. When we'd visit, we'd have a good time, but you were always on guard waiting for something bad to happen. The more husband gets to know my folks, he realizes what the relationship should be like. We love visiting with my folks. They are our friends and we have a good time and can't wait until the next visit. Never do you have to worry about saying the wrong thing or wondering what mood they are going to be in.

    Now that husband is getting it with his Mom, we'll have to start on the lessons for/about Ant and Steph. One thing at a time.
  17. keista

    keista New Member

    I hear ya.

    Strength going out to you.
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    He does sound like a great guy. Given the pluses, I can see why this would be something you would work through. I admire the commitment to working it out. So many marriages end because no one wants to work it out and i think that is a shame. We have gone through some rough times also - like any couple that has been together for a long time.

    That bubble bath sounds awesome. It is a very sweet thing and I am glad you ahve that kind of husband. It is good that he has a plan to handle things if Ant messes up so that the entire family is not hurt by an't actions.

    Your dad sounds like a great guy too. I really hope ant follows through with this.
  19. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    TELL US THE NAME OF THE HERB. And can we get it at a GNC or something? The bathtub thing is so awesome, I would cry, my family thinks I am the slave.
  20. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I'd rather have been married to a person like your husband then the way my ex was with the kids. I know it's hard to watch somebody not be able to say no and always be nice when you don't think it's the best thing for your children, but to me, I wish my ex had been half that type of father. I think my ex said no just to say no to show he was the boss. Never mattered what the situation was, no thought ever put into why he would say no, it was just always no!! My kids don't call him for anything anymore. Once in awhile I'll say to my son, call your dad, maybe he will help you, and he'll say, he never has, why would he start now?? Sad, but true!! My boyfriend does more for my kids then their father ever did. My daughter isn't even speaking to her father at the moment, but said she is going to get my boyfriend a fathers day card!