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past the end of my rope
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 382220" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You have gotten awesome advice so far. First, your son needs a LOT of physical activity. Taking recess away is counter-productive. Instead, if school will cooperate, why not have him walk or run in a circuit around the edges of the playground area. Here it is called "walk and talk" because the kids are allowed to talk but they MUST keep walking. Cannot go play though other kids can join them while they walk as long as the other kids are walking and are not teasing/bullying them. Often it is just for 10 min or 15 min of the 30 min recess, but it does motivate the kids. It also allows the kids to be FAR better behaved after recess than if they missed recess or had to sit on the wall (the previous punishments - used for decades until our state legislature mandated that every child must go outside to recess every day unless the weather did certain specific things). Kids with ADHD are NOT NOT NOT well served by missing chances to burn up energy.</p><p> </p><p>When you send the letter (certified mail is a MUST because it puts legal protections into place for your son, check out the sp ed 101 archives here for letters to copy to ask for the evaluations and IEP) be sure to include speech and Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluations. A private Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation is better, but if you cannot afford it, go with the school's Occupational Therapist (OT). Just be aware that they only test for how things impact school. Your son could have sensory issues (seeking or avoiding certain types of sensory input because his brain doesn't handle sensory input properly) that could be making things worse.</p><p> </p><p>Read "the explosive child" by Ross Greene, "What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You" by Dr. Doug Riley, and Parenting with Love and Logic by Fay and Cline. Check out the Love and Logic website at <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a> . L&L is my favorite because it stresses natural and logical consequences while strengthening the loving bond between parent and child. I also love it because until I found L&L and MADE my husband read it there was NO method of discipline that he was on the same page with. Regardless of what we agreed to when we talked, he went and did whatever he wanted when something came up. It drove me nuts for years, and allowed our son to do what he wanted a lot of the time. L&L made sense to my husband, and is unique in another way. The authors of L&L are now grandparents. They raised their kids using L&L methods, and those kids are using them to raise the grandkids. At least one of the kids now works with the company, writing L&L books and giving lectures. I know other people who used L&L to raise kids - and have adult kids who have really turned things around. Many books don't have any long term evidence that the ideas work. OF course they don't always work, any more than tums fixes every stomach ache, but they do make sense and help in many many ways.</p><p> </p><p>Start writing a Parent Report. It is a report using an outline parents here figured out that will tell docs, teachers, etc... everything you want them to know about your difficult child so that they can help him. The outline is found through the link in my signature at the bottom of this post. You will need to work on it in several chunks, rather than all at once. Once done it can give a far better picture of what is going on than anything else I have encountered. </p><p> </p><p>The others have given a lot of awesome advice. Keep coming back here to read and to post. Don't forget to check out all the other areas of this site. Come here to ask for help, to vent, to share funnies, etc... We understand because we have truly been there done that. We won't judge you, or tell you that you are imagining things.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, and your mom does NOT get unsupervised time with your son. Period. If she is upset, tell her that it is her fault. She undermined your authority so completely that now you have to limit her time with difficult child, and that as soon as she tells him he can have/do something you say he cannot, or that is against your rules, you and difficult child leave. Immediately and with-o explanation. You have to retrain her to be a well behaved grandparent or else she will do the same wtih your daughter. Neither of your kids deserves to be at the mercy of someone who robs them of their acceptance of the primary authority in their lives, because it damages their chances of being successful, productive adults. Your mom doesn't have to like it, because you are now an adult. You have to protect your kids from her until she learns to be a "good" grandparent, one who supports your parenting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 382220, member: 1233"] You have gotten awesome advice so far. First, your son needs a LOT of physical activity. Taking recess away is counter-productive. Instead, if school will cooperate, why not have him walk or run in a circuit around the edges of the playground area. Here it is called "walk and talk" because the kids are allowed to talk but they MUST keep walking. Cannot go play though other kids can join them while they walk as long as the other kids are walking and are not teasing/bullying them. Often it is just for 10 min or 15 min of the 30 min recess, but it does motivate the kids. It also allows the kids to be FAR better behaved after recess than if they missed recess or had to sit on the wall (the previous punishments - used for decades until our state legislature mandated that every child must go outside to recess every day unless the weather did certain specific things). Kids with ADHD are NOT NOT NOT well served by missing chances to burn up energy. When you send the letter (certified mail is a MUST because it puts legal protections into place for your son, check out the sp ed 101 archives here for letters to copy to ask for the evaluations and IEP) be sure to include speech and Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluations. A private Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation is better, but if you cannot afford it, go with the school's Occupational Therapist (OT). Just be aware that they only test for how things impact school. Your son could have sensory issues (seeking or avoiding certain types of sensory input because his brain doesn't handle sensory input properly) that could be making things worse. Read "the explosive child" by Ross Greene, "What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You" by Dr. Doug Riley, and Parenting with Love and Logic by Fay and Cline. Check out the Love and Logic website at [URL="http://www.loveandlogic.com"]www.loveandlogic.com[/URL] . L&L is my favorite because it stresses natural and logical consequences while strengthening the loving bond between parent and child. I also love it because until I found L&L and MADE my husband read it there was NO method of discipline that he was on the same page with. Regardless of what we agreed to when we talked, he went and did whatever he wanted when something came up. It drove me nuts for years, and allowed our son to do what he wanted a lot of the time. L&L made sense to my husband, and is unique in another way. The authors of L&L are now grandparents. They raised their kids using L&L methods, and those kids are using them to raise the grandkids. At least one of the kids now works with the company, writing L&L books and giving lectures. I know other people who used L&L to raise kids - and have adult kids who have really turned things around. Many books don't have any long term evidence that the ideas work. OF course they don't always work, any more than tums fixes every stomach ache, but they do make sense and help in many many ways. Start writing a Parent Report. It is a report using an outline parents here figured out that will tell docs, teachers, etc... everything you want them to know about your difficult child so that they can help him. The outline is found through the link in my signature at the bottom of this post. You will need to work on it in several chunks, rather than all at once. Once done it can give a far better picture of what is going on than anything else I have encountered. The others have given a lot of awesome advice. Keep coming back here to read and to post. Don't forget to check out all the other areas of this site. Come here to ask for help, to vent, to share funnies, etc... We understand because we have truly been there done that. We won't judge you, or tell you that you are imagining things. Oh, and your mom does NOT get unsupervised time with your son. Period. If she is upset, tell her that it is her fault. She undermined your authority so completely that now you have to limit her time with difficult child, and that as soon as she tells him he can have/do something you say he cannot, or that is against your rules, you and difficult child leave. Immediately and with-o explanation. You have to retrain her to be a well behaved grandparent or else she will do the same wtih your daughter. Neither of your kids deserves to be at the mercy of someone who robs them of their acceptance of the primary authority in their lives, because it damages their chances of being successful, productive adults. Your mom doesn't have to like it, because you are now an adult. You have to protect your kids from her until she learns to be a "good" grandparent, one who supports your parenting. [/QUOTE]
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