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PCs, g f gs, sibling relationships. Not sure how to handle this
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 541965" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Update to this: difficult child has been home a week now and it has been interesting to see this transpire. Boys have mostly been civil to each others at home but it has been tense at times. Last week was the last week of easy child's summer job and he was little miffed that he has to work at summer and difficult child 'is not working.' Also easy child loves his sport and has hard time really understanding that for difficult child sport is also a job, not just fun. At times little bit tense but no major conflicts over that.</p><p></p><p>husband has encouraged easy child to join difficult child when he trains. easy child has lately made it clear that also his number one career ambition is to become pro athlete. We are okay with this as long as he takes good care of his school work and we are prepared to accommodate that goal, but easy child has to understand what that really means. He has not had quite a drive for his sport difficult child has and he clearly enjoy a social aspect of it more than difficult child. Thing is, just by doing everything his team mates are doing it is unlikely he will make it to pros. He needs to do more. Work not only in team practises but on his own time, even if his friends and team mates are doing something fun instead. He will need to make some sacrifices if he really wants to make it to the pros.</p><p></p><p>I would be more than happy if he would just decide to do his sport for fun and not take those extra steps, but he says he wants to try it, so he has to also understand what it takes. easy child is not lazy at all. He does try his best and also in his sport he is always in the better part of his team on work habits. So when he does cut some corners (and he does at times) he is not really called out for it. But if he really wants to make it, there is no cutting corners or doing just what everyone else is doing. husband thought that seeing how diligent difficult child is with his training even when no one is looking would be good for easy child. And difficult child's social skills being what they are he would not say nicely if he sees easy child slacking off.</p><p></p><p>So we did encourage easy child to tag along with difficult child and asked difficult child to choose his training times so easy child could be with him. And difficult child has indeed not been diplomatic with easy child trying to slack off. In best he has been very direct, at worst simply rude. But hopefully it is driving the message through. This caused a bigger quarrel today between them. It was easy child's first day out of work this summer (he has had all the weekends off but first weekday), weather was nice and all the easy child's friends were hanging out at the beach. difficult child wanted to do his daily training at noon and today's training wasn't the most fun one. easy child wanted to skip training with him and go to beach instead. difficult child told him off and easy child got angry and questioned the audacity of difficult child to reprimand him and also yelled him about being an embarrassment for easy child. </p><p></p><p>difficult child was luckily having one of his mature moments (I will write more about that later and start a new thread about difficult child's time at home) and handled it extremely well, I think. He remained fairly calm and told easy child that he is sorry he did what he did, but it shouldn't have nothing to do with easy child and easy child shouldn't let anyone bother him with those things. And that while he has screwed up it has also nothing to do with if he knows what his sport requires and questioning difficult child's character makes no difference in easy child's need to do that extra work. That if easy child doesn't make it at the sport, it has absolutely nothing to do with difficult child's screw ups and everything to do with his choice of going to beach instead of training. </p><p></p><p>After that difficult child left to do his training, easy child sulked at home half an hour and left. I later found out he left after difficult child and had done rest of the training with him and went to beach after that and while I don't know if and what they have talked, they seem to be friendly again. So that quarrel seems to have cleaned some air and I do hope easy child really heard what difficult child said.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 541965, member: 14557"] Update to this: difficult child has been home a week now and it has been interesting to see this transpire. Boys have mostly been civil to each others at home but it has been tense at times. Last week was the last week of easy child's summer job and he was little miffed that he has to work at summer and difficult child 'is not working.' Also easy child loves his sport and has hard time really understanding that for difficult child sport is also a job, not just fun. At times little bit tense but no major conflicts over that. husband has encouraged easy child to join difficult child when he trains. easy child has lately made it clear that also his number one career ambition is to become pro athlete. We are okay with this as long as he takes good care of his school work and we are prepared to accommodate that goal, but easy child has to understand what that really means. He has not had quite a drive for his sport difficult child has and he clearly enjoy a social aspect of it more than difficult child. Thing is, just by doing everything his team mates are doing it is unlikely he will make it to pros. He needs to do more. Work not only in team practises but on his own time, even if his friends and team mates are doing something fun instead. He will need to make some sacrifices if he really wants to make it to the pros. I would be more than happy if he would just decide to do his sport for fun and not take those extra steps, but he says he wants to try it, so he has to also understand what it takes. easy child is not lazy at all. He does try his best and also in his sport he is always in the better part of his team on work habits. So when he does cut some corners (and he does at times) he is not really called out for it. But if he really wants to make it, there is no cutting corners or doing just what everyone else is doing. husband thought that seeing how diligent difficult child is with his training even when no one is looking would be good for easy child. And difficult child's social skills being what they are he would not say nicely if he sees easy child slacking off. So we did encourage easy child to tag along with difficult child and asked difficult child to choose his training times so easy child could be with him. And difficult child has indeed not been diplomatic with easy child trying to slack off. In best he has been very direct, at worst simply rude. But hopefully it is driving the message through. This caused a bigger quarrel today between them. It was easy child's first day out of work this summer (he has had all the weekends off but first weekday), weather was nice and all the easy child's friends were hanging out at the beach. difficult child wanted to do his daily training at noon and today's training wasn't the most fun one. easy child wanted to skip training with him and go to beach instead. difficult child told him off and easy child got angry and questioned the audacity of difficult child to reprimand him and also yelled him about being an embarrassment for easy child. difficult child was luckily having one of his mature moments (I will write more about that later and start a new thread about difficult child's time at home) and handled it extremely well, I think. He remained fairly calm and told easy child that he is sorry he did what he did, but it shouldn't have nothing to do with easy child and easy child shouldn't let anyone bother him with those things. And that while he has screwed up it has also nothing to do with if he knows what his sport requires and questioning difficult child's character makes no difference in easy child's need to do that extra work. That if easy child doesn't make it at the sport, it has absolutely nothing to do with difficult child's screw ups and everything to do with his choice of going to beach instead of training. After that difficult child left to do his training, easy child sulked at home half an hour and left. I later found out he left after difficult child and had done rest of the training with him and went to beach after that and while I don't know if and what they have talked, they seem to be friendly again. So that quarrel seems to have cleaned some air and I do hope easy child really heard what difficult child said. [/QUOTE]
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