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Parent Emeritus
pe Scared And Don't Know What To Do
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 116369"><p>I think you're misunderstanding. We're not suggesting the parents of the 16 year old girl detach. It's been suggested you detach from the situation. As you are already aware, you can't stop your son from seeing her. It sounds like you accept that. And you have no control over what the parents do or don't do for the child. I won't speculate on that as they aren't here to defend themselves.</p><p></p><p>If you are required to report and you feel that this child is not being taken care of properly, why not report? I don't understand that if you feel that the parents are really failing her. </p><p></p><p>As a parent of a difficult child, I can tell you that I can guide and offer the tools and resources, but I cannot do the work for her. She has to. I could turn myself inside out, but if she refuses to put to use the tools she's been given, if she refuses to participate in therapy then all I can do is keep repeating myself. I could drag her there kicking and screaming - which, by the way, all therapists we have seen have said not to bring her if she won't come because it's a waste of their time and makes difficult child even more adamant about not going - but I cannot physically force her to participate. I cannot force her to communicate with the therapist. I cannot force her to use the tools she's been given. Forcing medications brings out WWIII. That's not an exaggeration. One that many parents here have experienced. It's so much more than the will of the child vs the will of the parent. As her parent all I can do is keep repeating and reinforcing. </p><p></p><p>I want her to have a better life. I want her to want to have a better life. That's the key. She has to want it, too. </p><p></p><p>There isn't a parent on this board that hasn't done everything and then some - tough love much tougher than a few days in juvie - for their children. It's worked for some and others are a work in progress. </p><p></p><p>Detaching doesn't mean you stop caring. It means you accept what you cannot change. That your son continues to see this girl is out of your hands. Like you said, you can offer counsel and listen, but ultimately the decision is his.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 116369"] I think you're misunderstanding. We're not suggesting the parents of the 16 year old girl detach. It's been suggested you detach from the situation. As you are already aware, you can't stop your son from seeing her. It sounds like you accept that. And you have no control over what the parents do or don't do for the child. I won't speculate on that as they aren't here to defend themselves. If you are required to report and you feel that this child is not being taken care of properly, why not report? I don't understand that if you feel that the parents are really failing her. As a parent of a difficult child, I can tell you that I can guide and offer the tools and resources, but I cannot do the work for her. She has to. I could turn myself inside out, but if she refuses to put to use the tools she's been given, if she refuses to participate in therapy then all I can do is keep repeating myself. I could drag her there kicking and screaming - which, by the way, all therapists we have seen have said not to bring her if she won't come because it's a waste of their time and makes difficult child even more adamant about not going - but I cannot physically force her to participate. I cannot force her to communicate with the therapist. I cannot force her to use the tools she's been given. Forcing medications brings out WWIII. That's not an exaggeration. One that many parents here have experienced. It's so much more than the will of the child vs the will of the parent. As her parent all I can do is keep repeating and reinforcing. I want her to have a better life. I want her to want to have a better life. That's the key. She has to want it, too. There isn't a parent on this board that hasn't done everything and then some - tough love much tougher than a few days in juvie - for their children. It's worked for some and others are a work in progress. Detaching doesn't mean you stop caring. It means you accept what you cannot change. That your son continues to see this girl is out of your hands. Like you said, you can offer counsel and listen, but ultimately the decision is his. [/QUOTE]
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