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Peace among the storm
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 727454" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I just read this. It is so hard to be in a relationship with anyone who won't tell the truth but it is also impossible for you to get her to learn to be honest by challenging her. And also hard to have a relationship with somebody like this.</p><p></p><p>Maybe keep in touch less often. You know how she is going to act; that she is not going to behave the way you wish she would. She would probably need tons of hard work and therapy to change. I think she sounds borderline more than bipolar. They have mood swings and are meaner than bipolar. DBT is the therapy of choice if she ever wants to change.</p><p></p><p>When you see her, perhaps stop being outraged that she lies. It is not helpful to you to get upset. This is how she is, what she does and you still want her on your life. So accept it in short bursts and make an excuse to leave when you can't take it anymore. "Oh, I left my blood pressure pills at home. Darn! I have to take it! Love you! See you later!"</p><p> </p><p>RE's post was off the charts great in my opinion, but I do get wanting to keep connected. All these years I so wanted a connection with my sister that I put up with her going no contact over and over again, coming back to say life is better with me in it??? and her dozens of calls on me to the police when I had not done anything wrong. She even called the cops in my new state when I moved. This is not normal at all, but I loved her. I wanted to believe it would be different each time. Although I finally realize she feels she behaved appropriately when she called the cops so many times just over my writing her an email she didn't like etc. (they don't ever think they are wrong) and I ended it, I don't know that I ever could have ended it with a child. I get it. When you love somebody you keep trying. Even when your relationship is controlled in abusive ways by the other.</p><p></p><p>As long as it does not physically, emotionally or financially hurt you, do what you can. But don't do more than you can tolerate. And accept, like I finally did, that she can't offer you the loving abuse free relationship that you long to have. They are who they are and you will never get them to admit that they are wrong. It is part of the sickness, I think.</p><p></p><p>Love and hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 727454, member: 1550"] I just read this. It is so hard to be in a relationship with anyone who won't tell the truth but it is also impossible for you to get her to learn to be honest by challenging her. And also hard to have a relationship with somebody like this. Maybe keep in touch less often. You know how she is going to act; that she is not going to behave the way you wish she would. She would probably need tons of hard work and therapy to change. I think she sounds borderline more than bipolar. They have mood swings and are meaner than bipolar. DBT is the therapy of choice if she ever wants to change. When you see her, perhaps stop being outraged that she lies. It is not helpful to you to get upset. This is how she is, what she does and you still want her on your life. So accept it in short bursts and make an excuse to leave when you can't take it anymore. "Oh, I left my blood pressure pills at home. Darn! I have to take it! Love you! See you later!" RE's post was off the charts great in my opinion, but I do get wanting to keep connected. All these years I so wanted a connection with my sister that I put up with her going no contact over and over again, coming back to say life is better with me in it??? and her dozens of calls on me to the police when I had not done anything wrong. She even called the cops in my new state when I moved. This is not normal at all, but I loved her. I wanted to believe it would be different each time. Although I finally realize she feels she behaved appropriately when she called the cops so many times just over my writing her an email she didn't like etc. (they don't ever think they are wrong) and I ended it, I don't know that I ever could have ended it with a child. I get it. When you love somebody you keep trying. Even when your relationship is controlled in abusive ways by the other. As long as it does not physically, emotionally or financially hurt you, do what you can. But don't do more than you can tolerate. And accept, like I finally did, that she can't offer you the loving abuse free relationship that you long to have. They are who they are and you will never get them to admit that they are wrong. It is part of the sickness, I think. Love and hugs. [/QUOTE]
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