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Peace among the storm
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 727520" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I was so close to my grandmother that I called her Mom. And she loved it. While the rest of my family ostracized me, she befriended appreciated and protected me, even when others told her not to. We spoke almost every day u til her death and I had her until age 37! She TOLD me "I love brother and sister but you are special." I never doubted it.</p><p></p><p>She was a caregiver to me as a child and a beloved person who had loved me when nobody else did. But my kids were a whole different dynamic. I was their protector. They depended on me. I was there for THEIR hard timesa and to help them grow up I never thought of recreating my relationship with my grandma with my kids. So to me it is interesting that you did. Thanks for sharing your interesting thoughts!</p><p></p><p>My thoughts are that we can never recreate any relationship. Each is in my opinion u unique. I am close to all my kids but in vastly different ways. None are like me and my grandmother. My boys do not share my likes as much as my girls and that's ok. I am very close to my husband. He is the one who shared so much with me and we are best friends. He complains about work too. So do I. It is part of being close. My kids complain about things too. </p><p></p><p>I understand exactly what you want and what triggered it, but nothing is ever exactly the same. Maybe marital counseling can help you and husband find excitement again? None of us can look for spousal closeness in our grown kids who more e out and have their own relationships, whether we like who they picked out or not. I know my girls are close to their SO. One I love and one I don't, but it's up to them and they are naturally going to stay close but I can't and don't depend on them to be my BFF. They are always my kids, I a different stage of life than me.</p><p></p><p>Now I feel for you that your surviving child is hard to be around. My oldest can be trying. But you can live a full meaningful life anyway starting with rejuvenating your marriage! </p><p></p><p>I hope this made sense. I am not at all criticizing you or saying my way is best. I am just presenting my experience to maybe give you a way to become unstuck from hurtful patterns....therapy. it was golden for me. </p><p></p><p>I k ow you have been through more than many of us and only wish you well.</p><p></p><p>Love and hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 727520, member: 1550"] I was so close to my grandmother that I called her Mom. And she loved it. While the rest of my family ostracized me, she befriended appreciated and protected me, even when others told her not to. We spoke almost every day u til her death and I had her until age 37! She TOLD me "I love brother and sister but you are special." I never doubted it. She was a caregiver to me as a child and a beloved person who had loved me when nobody else did. But my kids were a whole different dynamic. I was their protector. They depended on me. I was there for THEIR hard timesa and to help them grow up I never thought of recreating my relationship with my grandma with my kids. So to me it is interesting that you did. Thanks for sharing your interesting thoughts! My thoughts are that we can never recreate any relationship. Each is in my opinion u unique. I am close to all my kids but in vastly different ways. None are like me and my grandmother. My boys do not share my likes as much as my girls and that's ok. I am very close to my husband. He is the one who shared so much with me and we are best friends. He complains about work too. So do I. It is part of being close. My kids complain about things too. I understand exactly what you want and what triggered it, but nothing is ever exactly the same. Maybe marital counseling can help you and husband find excitement again? None of us can look for spousal closeness in our grown kids who more e out and have their own relationships, whether we like who they picked out or not. I know my girls are close to their SO. One I love and one I don't, but it's up to them and they are naturally going to stay close but I can't and don't depend on them to be my BFF. They are always my kids, I a different stage of life than me. Now I feel for you that your surviving child is hard to be around. My oldest can be trying. But you can live a full meaningful life anyway starting with rejuvenating your marriage! I hope this made sense. I am not at all criticizing you or saying my way is best. I am just presenting my experience to maybe give you a way to become unstuck from hurtful patterns....therapy. it was golden for me. I k ow you have been through more than many of us and only wish you well. Love and hugs. [/QUOTE]
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