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Peace among the storm
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 727523" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Newstart, you are showing such great strength. I know it may not feel like that but you are. You are changing the dynamics of your relationship with your daughter. You are setting important boundaries in order for you both to move forward.</p><p></p><p>It is hard when we want so much to have a close, meaningful relationship with our adult child and because of their lies, chaos and drama we cannot.</p><p></p><p>I know how hurtful the lies can be. I have said many times about my son, "if his lips are moving, he's lying"</p><p>It is such a betrayal of trust and my son is a master at it. One incident that sticks with me was when he was supposedly attending some college classes that his dad and I were paying for. He and I met for lunch and I asked him how the classes were going. He went into great detail about what he was studying and learning. It was all lies!! The next day while at work I had a call from the police, they had picked up my son for petty theft. I contacted the college to let them know he would not be attending classes and was informed that he showed up the first day and never came back.</p><p>When I called my son out on it he continued to lie telling me that he had been attending class and it was the school that was lying.</p><p>My son is also good at fast talking, changing the subject, interjecting things, to the point it makes you dizzy and confused.</p><p></p><p>I learned that I cannot make him stop lying but I can tell him I know he's lying and will not engage in a debate with him. I will not allow him to drag me down the rabbit hole.</p><p></p><p>The very best thing you can do is continue focusing on setting strong boundaries. Continue to nurture yourself. Be the very best you can be.</p><p></p><p>We cannot fix our adult children's lives but we can fix our own.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you days that are filled with peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 727523, member: 18516"] Newstart, you are showing such great strength. I know it may not feel like that but you are. You are changing the dynamics of your relationship with your daughter. You are setting important boundaries in order for you both to move forward. It is hard when we want so much to have a close, meaningful relationship with our adult child and because of their lies, chaos and drama we cannot. I know how hurtful the lies can be. I have said many times about my son, "if his lips are moving, he's lying" It is such a betrayal of trust and my son is a master at it. One incident that sticks with me was when he was supposedly attending some college classes that his dad and I were paying for. He and I met for lunch and I asked him how the classes were going. He went into great detail about what he was studying and learning. It was all lies!! The next day while at work I had a call from the police, they had picked up my son for petty theft. I contacted the college to let them know he would not be attending classes and was informed that he showed up the first day and never came back. When I called my son out on it he continued to lie telling me that he had been attending class and it was the school that was lying. My son is also good at fast talking, changing the subject, interjecting things, to the point it makes you dizzy and confused. I learned that I cannot make him stop lying but I can tell him I know he's lying and will not engage in a debate with him. I will not allow him to drag me down the rabbit hole. The very best thing you can do is continue focusing on setting strong boundaries. Continue to nurture yourself. Be the very best you can be. We cannot fix our adult children's lives but we can fix our own. Wishing you days that are filled with peace. [/QUOTE]
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